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Original poster

With a human skull in the garden?

640 replies

Slippersandacuppa · 07/05/2016 20:45

Because I've never been in this situation before.

We've been tidying up the garden and have piles of rubble all over the place. One of our rickety old fences borders a graveyard (very old belonging to ancient church) and I'm assuming the skull sort of drifted under our fence and has been near the top of the soil for a while. I hope.

I've googled but can't seem to find much info. I'll be contacting the parish council on Monday but wondered if it warrants a call to 101 (or whatever it is) to register it just in case it's not a graveyard wanderer Confused

Anyone had a similar experience?!

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Original poster
Slippersandacuppa · 08/05/2016 10:53

They've just left. Half the neighbourhood kids came round.

I'm sorry to have to tell you that Neil YS has been seized. They wanted to take a statement from DH (who started looking nervous even though he clearly didn't murder anyone by scalpage 500 years ago) but decided that may be overkill until they establish how old it is.

Confirmed it (via photo with team expert back at HQ) as a cranium. Also suspects it's very old (phew).

The council archaeologist will be looking at it tomorrow and the officers will call me back to let me know what they find. They liked my tea and apparently one of them looked me up and down (ooh err).

I have also managed to convince them to enter him into their records as Yorick Slingshot in honour of you lot ☺️

So, just your average weekend then really.

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Janefromdowntheroad · 08/05/2016 10:55

Totally off topic but DPs mate found a Roman mosaic floor when he was digging his foundations.

Filled in back in and carried on with the work Shock didn't want the hassle of archaeologists delaying his building!

Original poster
Slippersandacuppa · 08/05/2016 10:55

If I'm going dahn anywhere, I'm taking you lot with me.

Accessories and all that.

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Original poster
Slippersandacuppa · 08/05/2016 10:56

I'd have made a feature of that jane

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MakingJudySmile · 08/05/2016 11:01

I'd start making eyes at the one that looked you up and down, he/she might lose your papers. Or what ever it is needed for a crime to be 'forgotten'.

notapizzaeater · 08/05/2016 11:02

I can't believe how invested I am in this skull, snorting with laughter at the dishwasher

Original poster
Slippersandacuppa · 08/05/2016 11:06

Shock How very dare you judy

I'm married with four kids.

I may or may not have invited them back for another cup of tea to discuss their findings. I hope that works in my favour.

I'm feeling a bit sad. I grew rather fond of old YS. Hope he's not too lonely in his box Sad

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Jenijena · 08/05/2016 11:22

And this is why I'm going to be cremated.

Ain't nobody gonna be dishwashering me...

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 08/05/2016 11:26

a dishwasher cycle would have removed your dna, bet you're sorry not to ave taken my advice now.

does he count as lost property...will you get him back in 90 days?

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 08/05/2016 11:27

**have

Original poster
Slippersandacuppa · 08/05/2016 11:27

I imagine it would be a bit like seeing the hygienist but on the outside. I think DH was just going to go at him with a scouring pad.

What it you're cremated and then...hoovered up???

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Jenijena · 08/05/2016 11:29

cremated, then whack me in the ground.

Don't throw me to the air unless you're very keen to get me all over your hair/face/clothes in a dusty embrace

Don't leave me at home in case there's another encounter with s household appliance..

LunaLoveg00d · 08/05/2016 11:31

Totally off topic but DPs mate found a Roman mosaic floor when he was digging his foundations.

We have a Roman bathhouse about a mile away and it's a real pain for anyone doing any building work as they have to have the archaeologists in first to dig about.

Your neighbours will be taking about you for WEEKS. Wonder what they'll do with Yorick once they establish his age? You might have to organise a funeral or something.

Alas, Poor Yorick...

Original poster
Slippersandacuppa · 08/05/2016 11:32

Yes tondelaya, I am sorry. Particularly as I've just remembered that he put his blue gloves on to take YS out of the box. Which means it's just me and DS in there.

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AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 08/05/2016 11:44

I can't decide whether the thought of my skull being dug up 100s of years after I die is horrific or really exciting. I love hot baths though, it would be lovely and toasty in the dishwasher.

Sparklingbrook · 08/05/2016 11:47

I hope if I am buried my skull will burrow it's way out of the graveyard to say hi to the living neighbours. Grin

Pipbin · 08/05/2016 11:52

Filled in back in and carried on with the work shock didn't want the hassle of archaeologists delaying his building!

Father knew someone who did that too. The people who bought the house afterwards also 'found' it and reported it. It's now down as one of the most important mosaics in England and all preserved etc. A complete ball ache for the guy who owns the house.

MimsyBorogroves · 08/05/2016 11:58

Poor Yorick, you were just getting to know him.

Janefromdowntheroad · 08/05/2016 11:58

Yes, I suppose you 'lose' control over a portion of your land really!

In live in Colchester, you can't swing a cat without hitting something Roman.

shinynewusername · 08/05/2016 12:03

it would be lovely and toasty in the dishwasher

Agree. Like a lovely cross between a shower & bath. Just the thing after a couple of centuries underground.

Maybe we can set up a post-mortem dishwasher movement, for those who don't fancy chilly cryogenics?

tribpot · 08/05/2016 12:08

God I really do hope they date him to be 500 years old, this could start to get messy - but equally we know from very realistic shows (practically documentaries) like Bones that the Angelatron will be able to pinpoint his exact method and time of death, along with a 3-D rendering of his assailant (if there is one). You have nothing to fear.

Actually 'finding' your own murder victim and calling the rozzers sounds like a great plot for a murder mystery - you can explain your DNA away as relating to the day of the find, protest innocence to the cops that no-one would report their own murder victim, etc.

Janefromdowntheroad · 08/05/2016 12:12

trib, agree with plot! That's why I avoid dog walkers, they always 'find' bodies

shinynewusername · 08/05/2016 12:15

Actually 'finding' your own murder victim and calling the rozzers sounds like a great plot for a murder mystery - you can explain your DNA away as relating to the day of the find, protest innocence to the cops that no-one would report their own murder victim, etc

And it is for exactly that reason (based on my extensive watching of Midsommer Murders) that the police always suspect the body finder.

Janefromdowntheroad · 08/05/2016 12:20

Hmm, has anybody other than OP ever found a body?

Best thing I've ever found was a cap badge from WW1. I found a button at Auschvitz but told the museum folk.

Original poster
Slippersandacuppa · 08/05/2016 12:20

The other policeman (not PC eye-up-and-down), who we shall call Dogman (he has a dog) said that there didn't appear to be anything suspicious.

When they said that they'd be sending YS to the bone man, I did ask if he had a hologram machine. Think it went over their heads a bit.

Do you think I could get away with posting a small picture of the top of him? For scientific reasons, obvs.

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