My parents are mad (lighthearted)

[FellOutOfBedTwice]

Okay so it's 4.30am and I can't sleep because my parents are quite mad.

I am pregnant and suffering from morning sickness as well as having had some bleeding for the last couple of weeks. My husband is away with work this week and when me and toddler DD caught heavy colds it became clear that I couldn't look after us both, so we've come to stay with my (very lovely, it has to be said) parents.

They live a three minute drive from us so we never ever stay. As such I haven't been here overnight- aside from one Christmas when I got pissed some years ago and the night before my Nans funeral- since I left for uni.

In that 15 years my parents seem to have gone a bit potty in a way that I didn't notice without staying over.

Examples-

• the broadband gets switched off at bedtime (ie 10pm). When I queried this, my Dad said its a fire hazard. Do people do this? Our broadband has been on constantly since we moved into our house in 2010. How would it record sky otherwise?!
• bedtime, as mentioned, is 10pm. Like a weird lodging house from 1973 we are all expected to have retired to our room by then.
• I am in the spare room, in the spare bed. I noticed that the bed was a bit short. My feet touch the footboard. When I queried this my Mum said "your Dad sawed the end off to shorten it. He doesn't like a long bed." WHAT?! He's not a tall man- 5ft 9ish- but that's mental. I'm 5ft 8... I don't think anyone much taller could sleep in it. The room is not small and my Dad doesn't routinely sleep in it, so he's ruined a bed for no reason.
• my Mum has a washing turn around time of maybe 2hours from washing basket to ironed. Honestly, it's mental. She asked if I had anything of mine and DDs to wash. Gave her a pile of washing and it was back and clean and pressed on my bed within two hours tops.
• we had to sit in silence for the duration of Midsomer Murders.
• despite being absolutely filthy rich, they don't have sky upstairs, decent toiletries (I'm talking Tesco Value Hair Spray) or contract mobiles (they burn through credit like 13 year old girls in 2001) because "there's no need".
• when my morning sickness struck I wandered into the kitchen and asked my Dad what the had that was "plain, dry and maybe crunchy" ie a cracker or rich tea biscuit. After much hunting the only thing in their kitchen that even touched that description was some celery. They had just had their shopping delivered but tend to "not eat snacks" said my Dad. There's not eating snacks and then there's just being weird.

Parents are mid sixties and clearly barking.

Tell me I'm not alone.

This is definitely the funniest thread I've ever seen on MN.

Shortening a bed.

My mother asked if I could fix her telly the other day, because it keeps showing the same programmes. The reason it does that is because she only watches ITV3, which is essentially endless repeats of Morse, Lewis, Midsomer Murders, Foyle and similar. She couldn't get it that there's not much that I can do about it, or that she could maybe try other channels. To be fair, she is 90.

My mum has a friend who rings her to say how nice my photo on Facebook is 😲

honeyharris I lI've your dad's stealth gardening, brilliant!

Absolutely crying at the mum buying a corkscrew for Shane & Angel!

I can sympathise with the PP who's parents bring them stuff they don't want-I was recently given a half eaten Pannetone, despite never, ever having eaten one before or even expressed an interest in one. DH asked her if her bin was broken . I suspect it comes from living with my brother, who can't stand any clutter or unnecessary mess, so moans at her to get rid of it. So instead of telling him where to go & that she likes whatever it is she's bought, or maybe just not buying 2 emoji cushions at £15 a pop (!!!!!!!), she gives it all to us. Us, the family of 4 in a 2 bed house, who are currently undergoing massive home renovations and don't have room for stuff we actually do want, let along gimmicky cushions and half eaten baked goods.

I went on a city break to Paris with my mum a few years ago. She had this huge case with her that I lugged all over the underground.

We were staying in a lovely little hotel.

I realised that night why her case was so heavy. From home, for a two night stay in a hotel, she had brought an electric kettle and a bottle of (French) red wine..... All the way from the UK

When my DGM was alive her old washing machine, circa 1950, finally died, we got her an second hand automatic one..showed her how to use it..., she complained it did was far 'messier than her old one' some time later whilst at hers she put a load in turned it on, looked at the wall clock...then 10 minutes later turned it off at the plug...We were she then put lots of towels down and opened the door! ..we were 'what are you doing?' Her response..'well 10 minutes is quite long enough'

I took over doing her washing!

Not parents but.

During uni I worked in a cafe. Every day a women would turn up, order breakfast but ask for it not to be brought out till she had finished her cuppa. Half an hour later a chap would come in, order his breakfast and sit with her. I assumed they met up with each other for a chat etc.

When I worked once during the week I was talking to one of the week day staff who told me that these two actually live together but since he likes an extra half hour in bed she insisted he had to meet her there rather than wait for him and come in the same car. Also I found out she liked a drink before food and him during so it saved on argument and him having cold tea?

You can't argue with that logic CandO!

My Dad insists on opening all the downstairs curtains before he goes up to bed (even if you're still up). Something to do with closed curtains during the day symbolising a death in the family - though this is irrelevant since they have a heavily wooded garden so no one can see the windows.

Toddler children used to get told off for dropping their (mini) suitcases & toys down the stairs (usually by mistake) but the new cat is "amusing" for chewing great lumps of the wall paper off the same walls.

My mum is totally addicted to her mobile / FB but regularly posts links about rude people using their mobiles inappropriately - this is the woman who once stopped talking to us in one restaurant, in order to review a different one on Trip Advisor.

Buying nice presents for people random times of the year & then buying you something odd or small on actual b'days - her best one was the beautifully wrapped (& huge) box for DD1's 7th b'day that turned out to be a summer-weight duvet!! DD1 got an extra b'day present for not saying the child equivalent of WTF for this one - it was made worse by wrapping it!

An obsession with different weights of duvet - they have (a relatively small) holiday home which they visit about five times a year - there are three different weights of super-king-sized duvets taking up most of the storage in their room so they can have exactly the correct one on the bed, whatever the time of year.

Love them dearly but....

My Mum smokes but wants to "cut down". As an incentive, she writes down the time of each cigarette in a school exercise book (four columns to each page). It has no effect on the amount she smokes but she has books and books of random times in columns that she refuses to chuck out.

My parents are officially crazy cat people.

It all started nearly 10 years ago. There is a colony of feral farm cats near to my aunt's house and my parents adopted two kittens. Whilst they are perfectly happy with my parents, they don't really like anybody else. They especially didn't like dd3 when she was a baby. My parents made it quite plain that we didn't want to ask who came first - cats or grandkids

Then three years ago they adopted two more kittens and tamed them the same. This involves kittens living in a purpose built enclosure for a few weeks whilst my parents sit on chairs outside and talk to them. The male of this pair, in particular, roams far and wide despite being neutered. My parents can't go to bed without finding him. Even if they have to drive around the village in their pjs

The cats have the run of the house. The conservatory alone has 13 cat beds in it. For 4 cats.

Their social life is planned around being 'back for the cats'. My dds are very amused by this obsession fortunately. I live in dread of the day something happens to one of them because I don't know how the parents will cope.

So 4 cats - and then a stray arrived. They mostly ignored him till they could see he was ill at which point they took him to a cat rescue. Said rescue fixed his ailments and then said he was too wild for rehoming. So he came back to live in my parents house, taking over yet another room as a cat domain. My mum said she hoped he would enjoy using the summerhouse but apparently tree branches scratching on the roof put him off because he said it was 'spooky'

They have no snacks in the house and switch everything off as well.........

Cabbage there's something about having gay neighbours!

My gran lives next door to a lovely gay couple. She's fascinated by them and every time we go past grabs my arm and makes comments in a loud whisper, 'you know their garden is terribly overgrown,' and 'they've got two dogs you know, and they're huge dogs!', like these facts are somehow related to the fact that they're gay.

It wouldn't be so bad if my uncle and aunt didn't do exactly the same when you get to them two doors down. The three of them have a huge discussion about all the intricacies of this poor couple without actually mentioning they're fascinated because they're gay.

Sometimes it feels like a 1950s time wrap and I start saying loudly, 'yes, isn't it lovely that it's just not an issue these days, very normal you know!' and I get pursed lips and a bit of quiet muttering in return. Bonkers the lot of them.

I am blessed with a brilliant DM and DMIL so we do openly mock them for their eccentricities. DM won't drive on motorways, anywhere she's never been or drive anyone else's car. She also won't get a train on her own to visit us as she'd have to change in London and would "Just end up on the wrong train or get lost on the Tube." She grew up in London.

MIL has NINE categories of rubbish and everyone had to know which bin is for what (inc. when she hosted a massive family party and around 50 people were there):

1. Vegetable matter for compost
2. Breadcrumbs/fat for birds
3. Meat and other food for the dogs not destined for compost or birds
4. All other waste food not for compost, birds or dogs
5. Recycling (plastics, metals, some paper and card)
6. Paper and card to use as kindling on the fire - this is first to be thrown away in thr waste paper basket in rlthe downstairs bathroom (you must be able to differentiate from those in recycling) and later transferred to the box by the fire
7. Nappies go in a bin bag by the front door
8. Bathroom waste goes in the same waste paper basket in the bathroom as the paper for kindling but is later sorted into general rubbish
9. General rubbish that isn't already designated in any of the above.

The food alone is a minefield.

I'm going to buy my (rather deaf) grandma a stethoscope for her phone. 😂

Oh dear .Am obviously soon going to be classed as bonkers by the DCs.Am mid sixties
I am guilty of telling them rambling stories about people they barely know
DH insists on the front door being locked at all times-we live on a quiet street in a respectable area When I leave the house he will hover behind me keys in hand as if he doesnt trust me to lock it..He will however go to bed leaving the patio doors into the garden and the conservatory and back doors not only unlocked but occasionally open .I tend to go to bed later and have learnt to check
DH will not have a mobile phone (despite fact he used to use one for work and is very IT savvy ) He does have bog standard PAYG since he lost me on holiday once ...
We do unplug everything except fridge
and freezer when we go away But I think that is quite sensible
I insist the DCs text me to let me know they are safely home when they have visited us -by train but have to get home across major cities from station .As they point out I have no idea if they are out late at night most of the time , so why .....
I'm sure there are more .
I am trying to.lose the habit of keeping things 'in case'

I think my parent's delightful nuttiness started well before my birth to be honest but there's a story re my at home birth. Mum went into labour, the midwife was called. We lived in a block of flats and dad went downstairs to meet her. Instead of greeting her, he hid and in the pitch dark, jumped out and said "boo" he scared the poor woman shitless. It was a stress free birth for my dear mum thank goodness!!
My father was a writer and worked from home. Remember at the age of 9 (yes, we went to school on our own and came back too on our own in those days) coming home from school to find a mini teddy and mini panda seated having tea at a dolls house table. I hadn't left them this way when I went to school in the morning.
I have a friend whose dad sawed off the bottom of their grandfather clock so it could go in their modern house as he thought the ceilings were too low. My dad also took the legs off a piece of furniture as he thought it would look better. It didn't. They're now back on again!

My grandparents had the TV blow up and a whole load of coving fall on the pillow, inches above their heads, when lightning struck the aerial in the middle of the night.
Unsurprisingly, they always unplugged the aerial after that near death experience

A neighbour of my parents drove a car but would not turn right (across oncoming traffic) so every journey had to be meticulously planned to avoid right turns. He had it down to a fine art for local trips to the shops etc but then had an appointment at a hospital about 20 minutes (normal) driving time away. The preparation for this took a couple of weeks of map consulting and canvassing neighbour's opinions. Suggestions that maybe taking a taxi would be a good idea were pooh poohed as ridiculously extravagant. Suffice to say that when the day arrived he had to set his alarm and set off at the crack of dawn (with flask and sandwiches) and the trip took him 2 hours each way!

that why they are well off , cos their tight! but just think of the inheritance lol (joke)
It would drive me insane if my mum was like that she is 73 this year has sky but that about it , but my god far from anything like you parents lol ( meant in a nice way)
She swears , sits in silence but that's cos she on her own lol. but spends money like water... so no inheritance for me HOWEVER she will give me anything i need, and her life is for living and i am glad she does what she does and has copious amounts of shoes hand bags clothes etc

My mother is utterly barking. We stayed recently and were asked to bring indoor shoes because the cat was incontinent. We have to bring our own pillows so that the guest pillows are kept 'for best'. She stayed with us recently and brought her own pillows. I got shouted out for looking at my mobile during tv-watching as 'we are meant to be watching this together'... Despite the fact every 2 minutes the tv was interrupted by her talking!! Food that clearly says 'cooked from chilled' is left out on the counter 'it tastes better that way'(covered with salmonella). Uneaten food from restaurants is taken home in a doggy bag even if half-eaten (half a nugget, anyone?). I have to hide any treats I have as if she spots them she takes them home 'as you obviously don't want it if you haven't eaten it yet'. They will then sit in her cupboard until out of date and fed to the birds. Wrapping paper is kept and folded for 'next time'.

Don't get me started on my dad. He has been wearing the same jumper for 30 years (despite owning a ridiculous amount of unrented property just in case they have to move in !).

Stepdad even more barking but examples would out me! As would craziest antics of my mother.

Don't get me started in MIL.. Thankfully she lives in a different country..... A whole new level of crazy.

I don't think I am in any way inheriting those crazy ways.... (Just don't take My Spot on the sofa.....)

you know the scariest thing is ...... WE WILL BE THERE
and as much as we say we wont ... it'll happen.

I think I was about 11 or so when I realised that my DF is quite, quite mad.

When I was a child:

• if he was off work (travelling salesman) he would make me soup from scratch every day when I got home from school. Even in the hight of summer. Given that he did this by boiling potatoes, peas and carrots together and then attacking it with a stick blender, the results were utterly gross and always led to tantrums (from him) when I refused to eat it.
• he would religiously set aside half an hour every Saturday after going to the bookies to "help" me with my rugby training. This involved him standing in the garden stock still while I tackled him at the knees. He's always been a skinny wee beggar, and I was a broad, muscular fourteen year old boy. I refused to continue after breaking his collarbone again. He still reminisces about this fondly because his shoulder now moves funny when you press it and he likes to startle the unwary by showing them.
• every night he would be in his pyjamas by 7pm without fail. DM and I would be absolutely mortified by this as he would still get changed even if we had visitors. He picked me up after training once at about 8pm, just wearing his pyjamas, slippers and a ratty leather jacket over the top. It wouldn't have been so bad if he'd stayed in the car, but he came to the touchline to "cheer me on".

Nowadays, he has a habit of buying me utterly random stuff when he's out and about and presenting me with it in an Aldi carrier bag at the pub. It can be anything from a new pair of shoes to a book on Morris Minors to five kilos of unshelled pistacios. If I buy him anything, he always refuses to take it because he "already has everything he needs".

He's also one of those who will pick up the thread of a conversation from a couple of hours ago and then lurch straight into it from a totally different topic. My DB and I have long since mentally adjusted to his synaptic misfires and worry that we're getting that way ourselves.

He always insists on leaving the radio on when he goes out, so that burglars think there's somebody in. He lives in sheltered housing now, with about five security doors between his flat and any potential burglars.

He once rang me at 7am on a Saturday morning to warn me not to iron while naked as I might "accidentally burn my penis". I still wake up with nightmares about this and shudder to think of the events that led him to warn me about it.

I love the old man dearly, but he really is a total fruit loop. Mercifully, DM is as sane and normal as the day is long; this probably goes a long way to explaining their divorce, tbh.

My Mum comes out with mind boggling things about gay people

I once stopped with some gay friends and my Mum asked about it. I told her we had a take away pizza...I didnt usually eat dairy and I said my friends had been watching their food intake so it was a bit of a treat for all of us.

Mum..."so are they fat then ?

Me..."Erm no they just would feel happier with a little weight off".

Mum "Is it because the're gay that the're fat ?

Me..."WTF"

Then went off on her 'well people say'

Loving this thread! Nattyknitter my mum has also done this with emails! She was insistent she had sent me loads of emails which I never received. It wasn't till a couple of weeks later when she got an email back from a lady with the same name as me telling her to stop emailing her that she realised she had mistyped the address. Goodness know what she sent the poor woman. My mother also unplugs the tv before going anywhere, and my grandparents unplug the router when internet not in use. It then takes about half an hour for the router to "warm up" before you can get on the internet!

My dad has pruned a hedge into the shape of a snowman. It has accessories, it's holding a rake and I think has a carrot nose. He did it a couple of winters ago and it hasn't snowed sufficiently since :)