How can I be more "French"?

[hangingoutattheendofmywick]

So this morning I did an Ocado shop and stumbled across the world foods department. There is a French section and I was immediately transported to my holidays when I was young at Keycamp in France. I basically ordered a shed load of French delights and as I'm currently really down in the dumps and life is a bit shite I've decided to BE more French.

Other than learning the language again (I've lost it since GCSE) and eating / drinking all my French delights I'm wondering what I can do to make my life a bit more French. Any ideas?

I'm looking for :
Music
Literature
Recipes
Drinks
General ways of living.

Ta!

If you have a saints day holiday off work on a Thursday don't bother to go to work on the Friday. There are lots of saints days!

Go home at 11.50am every day for lunch and return at 2.15pm from your two hour break.

Do not snack.

Rent your house.

Laugh at any adults who eat cereal for breakfast.

Eat utterly delicious food and drink only the best wine every day.

loads of french woman are fat ol alcoholic porkers

SHIT these threads annoy me

have rude children who go to England?

Have quite bad BO?

You need that aniseed drink, pastis??

"loads of french woman are fat ol alcoholic porkers"

I hear that there are some fat women in France profonde but here on the French Riviera, they are all slim & well-dressed. Even the old ones. I worry that they may be euthanising fat seniors.

Re alcohol - Being drunk as an adult is very bad form in France. You just don't see it anywhere near as often as in the UK.

None of the French people I know have a BO problem, either.

If you work, ensure any presentations or documents use at least 10 words where one would do.

On the beach, you will relax on a very low chair and a parasol. You will sit in the shade all morning but still have a wonderful tan. You will leave the beach at 1pm for a long lunch and return much later in a different swimsuit, which also fits you perfectly.

Wear no makeup and flat shoes but still be the sexiest person in the room.
Start every sentence with 'buh, en fait...'
Develop hypochondria

a poor, incredibly talented art student from the 6th arrondissement

Well, one of these things is not like the other...

There's a book called French Children Don't Throw Food which is good

Except the author's own children, I hear.

Cultivate an unintelligible French accent so that your English speaking counterpart has no clue what you're on about. Then mock their French should they decided to communicate in your language instead.

If you're ever involved in writing any sort of documentation on anything at all, make sure it's only available in French while encouraging your employer to market themselves as an international player.

Ask all of your business contacts of the opposite sex to for a drink at your hotel bar. Practice an exasperated sounding 'anglais/es!' In case they decline your invitation.

Look bored.

Talk very quickly, but nonchalantly.

Infact, do everything nonchalantly.. apart from in the boudoir

Wear classic but incredibly sexy matching underwear.

Tie a little silk scarf around your neck.

Be Thin.

Wear a cardigan/coat over your shoulders but don't put your arms in the sleeves- let the sleeves hang down and instead fold your arms infront of you.

Walk quickly, but never break a sweat.

Listen to Carla Bruni on your ipod.

Download the song 'fanny ardant et moi' by Vincent Delerm, nothing makes me happier!

The other day I was queuing up at the supermarket checkout behind a French lady...I was a little disappointed as she didn't live up to any of the stereotypes. She was slightly overweight, not particularly stylish and her trolley was full of processed food

MDR= mort de rire= LOL

The ice cubes in rosé are only for the aperitif with specific types of rosé. Other rosés are served chilled.

You need to strike more and develop a love for pointless admin.

Talk in obsessive detail about food to distract from the fact that you barely eat any of it.
Believe that your husband would be perfectly justified in leaving you if you dare gain so much as a kilo.
Shovel food down your child's gullet until they are at least eighteen months old lest they attempt to eat it themselves and get messy. or is this just my sil?
Visit the doctor for every cough and sniffle.
Treat every relationship as a romantic 'love story'.
Don't breastfeed, or if you must, only for a maximum of three months. They do belong to your husband after all and he'll be wanting them back.

Move to France, obviously.

Oh I like Vincent Delerm!
My (English Francophile) mum went to the Sorbonne, spoke seemingly hundreds of languages fluently, was an amazing cook (although never allowed me near the kitchen) and raised me with an iron fist. Also vv keen on suppositories. Remember her suggesting a garlic one to someone in my presence and being mortified...

I always thought I'd live in France at some point. My French is rusty but as long as I know what I need to say I can usually work a way around it from my GCSE knowledge and only sometimes get caught out as apparently I have a 'good' accent!

No one has mentioned fondues - meat ones. My mum had about 10 sauces she'd make by hand for these sizzlers! In hindsight I don't think I'd let my daughter near one at 5 which is the earliest I remember being allowed my own fork!

Has anyone mentioned Contrex yet?

Double cheek kiss everyone when arriving / leaving a social gathering. Even people you dislike but are in the same wider gathering...
Not read whole thread - will tomorrow - so maybe already mentioned!

Well, I'm a French living here and some things in this thread made me laugh as positively true -the apericubes, the black outfits, the Nutella, the narrow-mindedness about food, the love of "discussion", the "apéro", the bored and blasé look even if more a Parisian trait indeed. On the other hand, I must confess that, yes, we may seem a little bit too repressive with our kids but to make a balance, "sadly, some English parents allow their kids to scream A LOT" as to copycat one poster ;-)

Also, the short days at work is a pure myth : yes, the administration has awkward open times but I found out our normal work hours are actually much longer than here. We take one-hour break at noon but rarely leave the ofice before 18/18h30 and the shops close at 19h, not 18h like here! ;-) Actually, it is so common to work late hours that schools offer an after-school "centre / garderie" which sometimes run up to 19h15 so as to allow working parents to have time to pick up kids... Real experience as I used to work as a librarian and would usually finish at 19h. Because even if French like to bash their "fonctionnaires", yes, a lot of civil servants work late ;-)

And definitively no : never put ice in your wine -the only persons I've seen doing so are actually my English in-laws :-)

This
www.theguardian.com/world/2015/may/22/france-to-force-big-supermarkets-to-give-away-unsold-food-to-charity

Obviously as an individual you can't do this, but I thought how fab the French are when I read it.

Buy this book, and put the kettle on before you've taken your coat off when you get home!
www.amazon.co.uk/French-Cooking-Ten-Minutes-Adapting/dp/086547480X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1435714312&sr=8-1&keywords=french+cooking+in+ten+minutes

I worked as a fonctionnaire in Paris for several years (at EDF) and by 17h01, the lights were out and the doors locked. We weren't a customer facing department but it's wasn't exactly a pressured environment. So many comments in this thread are true.....