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Original poster

What would your father do if you were kidnapped by Parisian sex traffickers?

448 replies

MitzyLeFrouf · 15/05/2015 23:07

I'm watching Liam Neeson in Taken as he kicks, wallops and murders his way across Paris in pursuit of his abducted daughter? It's made me wonder what my father would do if such a situation arose.

He's an ex-accountant with a dodgy hip so I'm not sure he'd follow the Neeson method of daughter retrieval. He'd be more likely to start the rescue by putting the kettle on, having a cup of tea and checking the weather forecast in Paris. Then he'd have to phone the 67 relatives to inform them of my perilous situation. By the time he got off the phone to my Auntie Mary my virtue would be long lost.

What would your dear old dad do?

OP posts:
AGnu · 18/05/2015 16:55

My dad would call the police. Maybe make some carefully scripted statement on the TV & then wait & hope the police could retrieve me. I don't much fancy my chances.

DH, OTOH, would... call the police, ask either my dad or his to make a statement & then drive himself mad with worry. If I were ever rescued I'd probably spend the next few years driving DH to see a psychiatrist for his PTSD.

FIL would pay the kidnappers off. I hope!

If DH, DDad or DFIL were kidnapped, I'd scratch the kidnappers eyes out & deliver them to the police station. I'm feisty, me. Someone's got to be!

littlejohnnydory · 18/05/2015 16:58

Not sure mine would notice, tbh.

MrsWooster · 18/05/2015 17:09

DF would contact the traffickers and talk to them, at length, about how they felt about themselves, about their childhoods and what needit met for them to BE ttaffickers until a: they gave me back just to make it stop or b: renounced their life of crime and became fulfilled and useful members of society.
in fairness, it would be a pretty niche market that trafficked me in the first place..

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 18/05/2015 17:19

My dad would not find out, because my mum would follow her usual policy of not telling him anything, then blaming him for not knowing. My mum would refuse to discuss it with anyone, and make small talk about work. I would eventually escape, make my way home and be told I need a hair cut.

DioneTheDiabolist · 18/05/2015 17:25

My dad would be bad ass. I remember when I was young and my family were taken hostage by a terrorist group, who called my dad and demanded that he bring the night's takings home. Idiots!Hmm

He told them that he was sending someone round immediately and if they were still in his house, they would die. He also said that if they had hurt any of us, he would find them and their families and they would pay!Shock

They ran.Grin

AgentCooper · 18/05/2015 17:31

I'm just back from Paris, and watched Taken last week Grin First off, I'd be like 'there is NO French guy called Peter. Obv a sex trafficker.'

My Dad would leave it to my mum, who is fierce as fuck. She would find them and she WOULD kill them. Hopefully my dad would get a couple of days in Paris, though, go visit the Maison Victor Hugo or something.

AgentCooper · 18/05/2015 17:32

Christ Dione, that's some story!!

Original poster
MitzyLeFrouf · 18/05/2015 17:42

I might borrow Dione's dad if I ever find myself in a tricky spot.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 18/05/2015 17:43

My father probably wouldn't understand the phone call as he is deaf but Does Not Need A Hearing Aid Oh No. Though if it did get through to him, he would pride himself on his fluent and excellent French in which he conversed with them.

If they got the message through he would probably panic and burst into tears about how terrible this was. Then he'd tell my mother who would somehow make it All About Her.

DioneTheDiabolist · 18/05/2015 17:53

Agent, I know. My mum was shouting "don't you dare give them anything" as they were on the phone to my dad. If my brother (who was a few months old) had been in bed, rather than his crib in the living room, I think my mum would have had a real go, instead of telling them that they were making a big mistake and should leave while they still could.

It was a bit mad, but I wasn't scared (I was 11 at the time). I knew that scary as the terrorists were trying to be, my mum and dad were the Scariest People In The World.

When it was over, my mum told me not to say anything to my sisters (fast asleep in bed) and not to mention it in school the next day.

Oh and we weren't alone. Mums best friend and an elderly neighbour were there too.

PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 18/05/2015 17:54

My dad would out-psycho Liam any day. No-one touches his daughters Grin it took him about 8 years to like DH...

Tobiasfunke · 18/05/2015 18:00

My (dead) Dad would've been all too excited about the prospect of tying in a rescue party with some sort of cross channel camping jaunt for the scouts and would've got them to try to track me down using a penknife, some rope and basic tracking skills. Which would be fine if the sex traffickers had secreted me in the forest but not so much in urban Paris. The scouts would've got lots of badge work done and practised how to tie a round turn and 2 half hitches so he wouldn't be too sad if he didn't find me.
The he would've gone home to my mother who would be hysterical saying it was all my fault and how I made her life a misery.

Ludoole · 18/05/2015 18:44

Dad has alzheimers so i dont think he would even notice id gone Hmm

NeverNic · 18/05/2015 18:47

I think my Dad would be pretty good at this. For a start he literally knows everyone and having spent much of the 80's entertaining clients in strip joints I don't think it would take long to locate me. He's shithot at complaining (not in a moan / grumpy sense but just awesome at it) and would end up successfully bamboozling or blackmailing kidnappers with some insider info, negotiate compensation for travel expenses, a bottle of wine and a formal apology. On the way home he'll comfort me by telling me 'shit happens', be generally amazed it wasn't my sister who got herself into a scrape and will give the world's briefest speech to the media. However at the next do with his mates he'll re-enact said episode, spicing it up with things that probably didn't happen and have everyone in stitches laughing.

My dad is awesome!

PeppermintPasty · 18/05/2015 21:11

My dad would've got out his arsenal of shotguns (he shot clay pigeons in competition) and blasted the actual f**k out of them. I just know it.

I miss my dad. He died in 2009. Of natural causes I might add, as opposed to some terrible shooting accident...

ArcheryAnnie · 18/05/2015 21:59

My dad would have done nothing.

My dad didn't notice when I moved out at 16. It wasn't a big house - it was small enough that my parents slept in the living room.

If I had been rescued by someone else then he might have stepped in to be the big man after all the work had already been done.

ArcheryAnnie · 18/05/2015 22:00

Also, wow, Dione! That's amazing!

HooplaWoman · 18/05/2015 22:47

My Dad was in the forces for over a decade. Often away for weeks at a time and we were never told where. We'd get up in the morning and he'd have left in the night. Two of his closest forces mates were allowed to carry a concelead weapon and travelled a lot. Dad always implied he wasn't like them. But who knows? I suspect he could have made a few calls to some useful contacts and had me home by lunch.

DH makes Jack Reacher look like a bit of a girl. Built like a brick shit house and on his Lau Ga Kung Fu university team. He's a complete teddy bear if he likes you. But there's something steely about him.

I've seen him step him and rescue a teenage lad getting a kicking outside a night club. He also intervened when we saw a bloke slap his girlfriend during a domestic. The bloke was brave against his 9 stone girlfriend but he shit himself when DH calmly pinned him to the floor and explained to him 'why you don't hit women.'

Any potential kidnappers would be loons to even so much as look at DD in a funny way. If they dared to actually kidnap her DH would firstly call his best mate who is something quite high up in Whitehall to discover where she was being held. But he wouldn't want any further support. He'd want to make sure they all suffered a lot before they died.

I expect most of Paris inside the Perifique would be raised to the ground.

chippednailvarnish · 19/05/2015 09:33

My Dad speaks very little English and doesn't really pay attention when people talk, so I'm guessing that by the time I explained that I wasn't having an issue with sexy traffic, it would probably be too late.

I'd love to see this thread in classics.

mamap89 · 19/05/2015 09:38

Not much considering neither of my parents could care less about me, nor even speak to me ha!

The rest of my family though. .. they're all very very VERY feisty females apart from my grandfather's, and I feel very sorry for anyone who gets on the wrong side of them! They'd have me back in no time and the kidnappers wouldnt be kidnapping ever again lol
I'd do the same for any of them :)

FrothyDragon · 19/05/2015 09:40

My dad, to be perfectly honest, would probably leave them to it. "She'll get herself out of it. Give it a day or two. They'll pay us to take her back."

My mother would complain about how it's fallen too close to someone's birthday, and for god's sake, their present/card is going to be late, and "Has she even thought about work? They're not going to take too kindly to this."

Now, my two brothers and my younger brother's wife would have a Shaun of the Dead style attack plan. Probably would get me killed in the process, but in the event that they got me out alive, my sister in law would waste no time asking if I could watch the kids for her. None at all.

Jacana · 19/05/2015 09:50

"Has she even thought about work? They're not going to to take too kindly to this".....15 pages on and, for me, this is my absolute crack up line! GrinGrinGrin

seafoodeatit · 19/05/2015 09:57

For a military man I'm not sure he would do much, it seems his years at military boarding were only there to make sure that emotional attachments are not an issue, I'm sure he would say oh "well, we've still got the other one" pragmatic as always!

Now if his mistress 'close friend' was kidnapped I'm sure he'd be very proactive, maybe he might get together with her husband and start a search party.

Mum would be hysterical and insist every man and his dog do something.

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 19/05/2015 10:37

Well Dad speaks French so Mum would book them on the first ferry/train out to France that allowed her to use a voucher code and then into the IBIS with the cheapest rates in Paris.

She would then march Dad round all the police stations in Paris and would stand behind him telling him what to say. She would understand every word they said back to him but would refuse to speak any French. He would be annoyed because he would know exactly what to say and they would have a row.

The police would work incredibly hard to find me just to get her off their backs and when they did find me I would get a massive telling off for allowing myself to be kidnapped. My Dad would be very sympathetic and we would roll our eyes at each other. Then we would all find a reasonably priced restaurant to celebrate in.

There would be another row on the way back to Calais.

GiantGaspingSatanicCyst · 19/05/2015 11:14

I am still laughing at the one-uppy dad complaining about the time he was sex trafficked and how much worse it was for him Grin

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