Things I still wonder why the hell I did that as a kid...

[TonytheFish]

20 years later, this still makes me wonder why I was such an odd child!

I was a bit shy granted, but still...

In 2nd year seniors, start of the new school year, new art class and teacher, everyone gets in and sits down at new desks, I was the last one in...and my spot at the table had no chair!

So, did I mention to the teacher that there was no chair! nope.

What I did, was sort of crouch down, into some fake sitting position and stay there for the entire double period! Pretending to sit! As if no one would notice...!

It is this sort of thing, that means I will never ever attend a school reunion!

Jake that's just reminded me of another. Aged about 13 hearing that you could smoke 'grass' me and some friends got some actual dried grass off a field and smoked it in a piece of paper.

I can still remember the taste now. Bleugh!!!

At primary school a friend told me that if you wanted to produce milk to feed your babies with when you grew up you had to eat grass.

We spent many playtimes munching away.

There was a game in secondary school where people would hide things in the ceiling (you know the ones that are made of squares and you push them out and replace them?)

It started off with mobile phones which we'd then call. Teachers would be asking everyone to turn their phones off but never able to find the culprit. One of the lads had a phone which allowed you to record your own ringtone. 'HELP ME, I'M STUCK IN THE CEILING'. It was brilliant.

We later progressed into hiding fish in the ceiling during summer months. The caretaker would then have to come and investigate by removing many of the tiles.

I once sharpened wax crayons and put the sharpenings on the radiator so they melted on. I thought it looked nice :( My mum, er, did not!

I also remember being obsessed with a tape recorder, my DSis and I and our male neighbour used to record ourselves weeing and pooing I have a tape somewhere with a "plop" and then me explaining earnestly "That was a poo!" In fact I seem to remember that male neighbour was too embarrassed to wee in front of 2 girls so instead we poured a glass of water down the toilet and then made a fake "zzzzip!" noise

I have an older brother and used to hang around with him and his friends when they let me. One day they dared me to knock on the door of the local "old grump" (as we all called him) and tell him that I was having an erection. I was about 8 and had no idea what it meant so happily took on the dare. Old grump absolutely rollocked me for that.

Aged about 11 me and a friend used to climb a tree then, when the boy we fancied came near, we'd scream loudly and pretend to fall out (lying motionless at the bottom) in the hope he'd come running to give us the kiss of life . It didn't work .

Oh and at secondary school one of the boys had a watch which could control the school video recorder. Cue much bewilderment from the home economics teacher as to why the thrilling cookery video wouldn't behave, while the entire class fell about laughing . This happened several weeks in a row!

Oh some of these are so, so funny. thanksbutnothanks I am wheezing with laughter and fear I have woken the baby.

Hahaha, I remember when somebody's mobile phone had the amazingly futuristic feature of being a universal remote, REALLY confused the teacher who couldn't work out why the ancient video kept playing up. It livened up biology.

On a more serious note, I used to count everything. I'd touch each finger to my thumb and count to 5. I used to do this with both hands.

I still occasionally do this.

We also had a floor to ceiling pantry and I used to count the shelves every time I went past it. Again 1,2,3,4,5. (just happened to be 5 shelves in the Pantry)

I've never ever told anyone that I used to do this.

I also used to suck my thumb and poke my hair in my ear at the same time.

Aged 14 - I was inspired by pictures of "career women" and power dressing so one saturday I put together an outfit which consisted of black trousers, white shirt - one of my dad's ties and a tailored pinstriped jacket - with massive shoulder pads - of my mum's. Finished with doc martens, bright red lippy (also mum's) and an entire tub of hair wax to create a slicked back "wet" look.

I was supposed to go shopping in town with my mum. She took one look at me and said she wasn't going anywhere with me dressed like that - and that I needed to wash my greasy hair. We eventually compromised on removing the lipstick but leaving the rest.

I thought I looked so sophisticated and grown up and that people would think I was my mum's business colleague rather than her 14 year old daughter. Unfortunately we met three sets of people we knew and every one of them greeted us by asking "why are you wearing your school uniform". I ended up throwing a strop and demanding to go home.

Also, one of my teachers lived a few streets away and one night I noticed he had left his car lights on so rang his doorbell to tell him. His wife was so grateful and invited me in so she could gush over what a kind and helpful person I was and truly a credit to her husband's teaching. I loved being the centre of attention and it gave me a special glow at school to think that I had been inside his house - and spoken to his wife. Thought we had a special bond and they might adopt me or something... So for weeks I kept making up excuses to drop in on them "your car lights are on again - oops, my mistake", "your garden gate is open, should I close it", "there is mail sticking out of your letter box, just wanted to make sure you were okay" and so many more ways of "helping" them. Then he asked me to stop coming round. Mortified. Then they moved - house and school. I don't think that was anything to do with me.

Bertie - we did similar as someone's digital watch was a remote.

It was hilarious - we'd stop the video, fast worward it, and then every time our English teacher approached it we would eject it into her hand. We went through 5 different video players until she gave up.

Oh dear god, these are excellent.

When I was about 9/10 I really really wanted boobs like my babysitter had so I fashioned some out of plasticine and wore them under a t-shirt. It must've been bloody obvious to everyone (oh yes, I went out like it) as I kept having to hold them up due to slippage. I didn't notice though as I was too busy admiring my reflection in windows.

Oh and another one. When I was about 7 and my DB about 6, we found a cabbage outside and ate it. It was alright actually.

These stories are brilliant.

My best mate who lived down the road and I were once really bored. So we decided to burgle my house, we put the valuables in a couple of bin bags and stashed them deep in the woods at the end of our street. Didn't go down well...

Looking back, I was really annoying. I came back from visiting relatives in Ireland once and talked in an "Irish" accent for weeks. My teacher got really p'd off. I really didn't want to go back to being English. Laaaaaaaaaaaarge!

Me and 2 other girls, maybe about 8 at the time, put on a garden 'play' for the neighbours. We pushed invites through doors and about 3 old ladies came. Except we hadn't even written a play. We just 'played' on the swingset, and charged them to watch us .

When I was in my early teens I had a huge crush on a local man in his thirties who worked near my school. Me and friends would follow the poor man all around town, nudging each other and giggling. I think one of my friends even asked him out on my behalf once .

In junior school I used to keep changing my name. Id be Lucy one day, Caroline the next. I even asked the teachers to call me by my new name of the day.

If I met a new child eg, on holiday, I would invent a whole new identity. Change my name, make up family members, even put on a different, rubbish accent.

There are more. I was a tool

vote for Classics!

oh and another one. We used to knock random strangers doors and ask to use the loo so we could nose at the house. Some would let us, some wouldn't, one man really shouted at us. I mean....wtaf!?!?

I painted my mum's white mini pink with emulsion paint.

No idea why. I wasn't even that young...eleven or so.

Me and my best mate pulled all the arms, legs and heads off our Cindy dolls as we were opening up a Cindy Meat Factory. We then proceeded to chew up all the rubbery legs while roaring. I must have been about ten. I was very weird.

I sniffed every mouthful of food before I ate it and got terribly teased for it. Had to actually touch my nose to achieve full satisfaction. Random!

I remember getting a sarky comment from the French teacher because she caught me sticking a ruler down my sock. Well, it sorta felt nice, like sticking your hand in a jar of lentils...

Oh, and I didn't melt cheese on radiators, but I did peel the wax off Edam, melt that on radiators and turn them into little dollies. I don't think my mum was best pleased.

Oh some of these are hilarious and remind me what a desperately embarrassing child I was. Some of my deeply nauseating exploits:

• DESPERATELY fancying a lifeguard at the local swimming pool (I was about 14 to his say 21) and asking him out (oh dear GOD, I actually did this stuff) every time I got to the top of the water slide that he supervised. What the hell was wrong with me???
• I had a bit of a crush on a female teacher too (I had a vile step mother so in hindsight, I was looking for a positive female role model - I'll keep telling myself this as it's lessening the embarrassment). When we had our German exchange, we were given a few teachers home numbers in the event of an emergency. I kept calling her with general questions. I recall asking her something at school one time and her saying with heavy sarcasm, "I'm surprised you didn't call me..."
• This one is quite odd. In primary school, we used to sit in a line on the carpet for our afternoon stories. The person at the front would be at the feet of our teacher and would spit on a tissue and clean the teachers shoes (we actually asked to do this....). The people behind would be busy plaiting each others hair...
• I remember drinking some fizzy drink and laughing so hard about something that it all came pouring out of my nose. I was SO cool
• I used to use crimpers on my fringe. JUST my fringe and think that it was cool I looked like a total spanner.
• I once trimmed my eyelashes out of curiosity. When I say 'trimmed', I mean, 'cut them straight across'.

Such an odd child. Relatively normal adult...

I've thought of a couple of others. I think that my lack of interest in going to clubs stems from these early days howlers. I will probably out myself with these stories too:

I used to dance REALLY enthusiastically at school discos. At the first disco that I attended (I was 11), I was waving my arms around with such wild abandon, that I whacked the passing DJ in the knackers much to our mutual horror.

At the second disco I went do, this time I was kicking my legs around with equally wild abandon. My shoe flew off and ended up behind the DJ area. I had to hobble on over and ask for it back.

I really was an idiot.

I once clipped a crocodile clip into my nose in a particularly boring physics lesson

The pain lives on in my memory even now. I screamed and screamed and screamed. My friend tried to pull it out, but was laughing too much.

I once ran out of hairspray to set my lovely flick in place in my hair. So I sprayed it with Geminesse perfume. No one would sit next to me all day...