Terrible wedding behaviour.

[WayHarshTai]

In light of the recent rash of threads about it, I thought we could have a compilation thread to keep them all in one place.

I'll start with my wedding, and my SIL.

We wanted her DS (who was about two and a half) to be a sort of page boy and wear the same style suit as his dad (best man) and the rest of the 'wedding party' including my DS. SIL said no as he woudn't want to wear a suit. And then promptly went out and bought him, that's right, a suit to wear.

She then asked if we could arrange a vegetarian meal for her despite the fact she is not a vegetarian. Which of course we did, although it smacked of 'making life difficult'. And she then managed to take both veggie meals on the day leaving my actual veggie cousin without a meal (still not sure how this happened).

At the ceremony she brought her DS in eating the World's Biggest Icecream? which he then sat and slurped in his non matching suit all through the vows.

When we got to the venue she moved all the place settings around because she didn't like where she was sitting.

She then got very drunk very quickly, became very loud, heckled the speeches, announced her recent (six months ago) miscarriage to the room and then coralled me for nearly an on the balcony while she cried and told me how awful her life was.

I just found the whole thing quite funny (well, not the crying) and it makes for an interesting story, so if she was trying to ruin things it didn't work.

Anyway, that's my Terrible Wedding Behaviour story, I know you lot have some corkers, so spill.

Mines insane and will out me Three weeks before the wedding, dh walked out of his job after a row with his boss. The place worked was to be our reception venue. We managed t get somewhere else though friends who owned a hotel and offered it to us. Three day before the wedding, ds then one was rushed into hospital with pneumonia and was very much teetering - I spent those three nights in hospital with him not sleeping, worried sick, whilst dh had to cycle around town (we had no car) organising everything. ds made an mazing recovery and came home the night before the wedding. On the day of the wedding, we were both so relieved that ds had made it, we both had a few drink (separately) before the ceremony. I was due to be picked up by some fiends who were travelling from a long way, so everyone had left and 10 year old dd and I were at home waiting. They seemed to be running a little late so called to find out they were over an hour away as had got the time wrong...I had to order a taxi - got the grottiest one available I think (taxi driver lovely though) and got there just in time. By the time the speeches came along I was a bit 'wobbly' and made a 'hilarious' speech at which everyone, understanding the situation, clapped politely. By 4pm I had had it and had to go to bed. DH cut the cake with my sister and we ended up in bed with little ds as my mum didn't feel able to take him for the night as had been planned. This is 13 years ago and we're still waiting for our 'wedding night'!

Bride wanted all the kilted men to dance to hot chocolate and end with pulling their kilts up and showing their bits (Classy) DH didn't go up so she came and demanded he do it as she was the bride. She wasn't happy when he again said no.

A few members of her family got very drunk and started an argument with the grooms father. The grooms brother tried to calm them down but they started to threaten the father and tried to hit him. So he punched one of them (Perhaps not the best idea I know) to stop them. Bride decided to pretend to faint and had to be carried to the toilets. She blames the grooms brother for it all and wanted a written apology for it !

She also told the best mans wife that his duty was to her and her alone on the wedding day and she wasn't to speak to him ! She actually pulled him away from his wife while they were dancing.

Oh Libra you so win

we married abroad - it was supposed to be me and (ex)DH ONLY - MIL and FIL invited themselves - which upset my mum who, as a teacher, couldn't come as it was term time

she also invited 2 total strangers (to us) that they new who lived near by.

she sat with a face like a slapped arse throughout the ceremony

afterwards we went for a meal - they came as did their friends ...the bill came and they all looked at the floor ...so we paid

they didn't even buy us a drink

and she called me Lisa through out the whole thing (and throughout the marriage) ...my name is NOT Lisa - but DH's ex was

My mad drunk uncle got up in the middle of the meal and started singing opera (badly) to everyone as he made his way out of the room to the public bar stopping on the way to sit on husband's bosses wife's knee (they had only travelled 400 miles) to serenade her (drunkenly spit all over her). It was quite an exit. He had also sat at the meal and stuffed the meal in his mouth with his hands. Oh he was a cad!

These are all good apart from the Northern Irish joke. not surprised that FOTB wasn't amused.

I love this thread.

I have a good funeral one. At my grandmother's funeral my aunt (who is a nasty piece of work) was welcoming the guests (it was her mother's funeral) and got chatting to one man for about 15minutes. Her son was standing next to her and when the man went to speak to someone else she turned to her son and asked who the man was as her ds (40yo) seemed to know him. Her ds replied "Er mum, that's dad!" They'd divorced 30 years earlier but even I recognised him from old wedding pictures as I wasn't born when they split up and never met him. He came as he was very fond of his mil just not his wife and he'd called my dad a week before asking if he could come as he didn't want to cause upset. Dad liked him more than his sister so said he was very welcome.

The wedding I went to that was the lesson in why you do not choose your brother to be best man purely because he is your brother and your mum thinks it's a good idea

Started drinking that morning and was hammered by speech time. The most memorable bits of his speech being him starting off by thanking us for coming today, wasn't supposed to be for another 4 months but the bride would be about to give birth then. He then congratulated the bride for pinning down his promiscuous brother (brides mother asked if he knew what that word meant to which he replied 'of course I do'), and presented them with a bottle of martini as they were the any time, any place any where couple and went on to ask if they had any good memories of ....and listed off a whole load of 'quiet' spots. Eventually he was told to sit down and shut up by his angrily embarrassed brother.

Luckily the cream that the waiter spilt all down the back of my jacket despite me saying to him that he was pouring the stuff out of the dessert bowls all over the carpet came out and the hotel paid the cleaning bill.....

Am loving these stories, in a bad sort of way! My first wedding, in 1962 ... reception in a nice hotel in Lewes, but I was still so terrified of my father, even as a now married lady of 20 (!) and remembering his threats that 'if I ever find out you've TAKEN DRINK, you WON'T GET MOTHER'S PEARLS', I didn't even dare have a sip of champagne at my own wedding reception. At the end of the bunfight, my mother caught the Best Man and one of the ushers creeping out with bottles of unopened wine hidden inside their suit jackets, resulting in a massive and very loud row.

On the honeymoon in Cornwall, I had the curse (started just before the wedding) and the groom had the 'flu. Second day, I drank alcohol for the first time ever (barley wine and mead chasers - didn't know any better) and was completely out of it for 48 hours after that (guest house had to call a doctor to me).

Divorced five years later. Subsequent marriages in a Register Office, no receptions. And I DID get mother's pearls!

I had a small afternoon reception (just buffet, no disco/music).

There was a piano that my dad decided to have a play on (nice bit of jazz/swing).

The ex mil had invited various people that I hardly knew (her friends) and one rather large lady decided to have a very loud sing-a-long. Luckily I was hammered.

Went to a wedding where the best man (at mother of the groom's insistence) was her lover. I think the only person who didnt know was her son. It became very obvious in the BM speech that he barely knew who the groom was

Mine was a small wedding and was good apart from mum managed to break the cd player so we had no music plus my step father ducked out for some reason and missed the speeches and then complained loudly about missing them on his return and made dh do another speech thanking everyone again. It was very embarrassing. Plus we were told we couldnt invite many as was in mums garden for the reception but at the wedding we noticed was loads of mums friends that she had invited without asking us! Still annoys me six years on. Love dh though.

Oh, i'm laughing so much at these, tho i'm sure not so funny at the time.

I've nothing to compete with this, only one or two quickies.

During speeches at one wedding, group dressed in black walked past the window. They had arrived to scatter some ashes!

Another wedding, one guest who had recently got engaged spent whole time saying 'oh, we're not having it like this, i much prefer...'

Another wedding FoB made a 'joke' in his speech implying the bride was sleeping around, and another FoB speech revolved around how much he hated his daughter's exboyfriend!

(Out of lurkerdom and outing myself with this.)

So, DH and I seem to be very good at the"worse", "sickness", and "poorer" of the vows (but are blissfully happy).

We married when DD was 5 months old. Two weeks before the wedding, building work under our maisonette left the inside of our home absolutely covered in thick cement dust when builders ripped down a ceiling without warning. We had to move out for three days, taking only what we could carry.

Two days before the wedding I went on a token hen do to a nearby sushi restaurant. I felt a bit rubbish on leaving and wondered if I'd had food poisoning. Turned out to be norovirus. I spent the day before the wedding sitting on the toilet, vomiting into a bucket, and being vomited on by a baby who I was breastfeeding round the clock to get fluids into her. I vividly remember looking at now-DH while he brought me yet another glass of dioralyte and announcing through gritted teeth: "we're getting married tomorrow even if I have to carry a bucket down the aisle".

We notified all guests that norovirus was on the menu. Everyone still decided to come, meaning that a third of the guests ended up ill afterwards, including my DSis who was 6 months pregnant. Also, it had snowed the week before and it was hit-and-miss as to whether our overseas guests would make it but fortunately they did. My wedding prep ideas were abandoned and it was all hands on deck to liberally decorate the ceremony room with small plastic dinosaurs.

I wanted a really simple, plain, white dress to wear. I had found a secondhand one on eBay for a mere £15 but DD's arrival also meant a massive increase in norkage so three weeks before the wedding we were driving 50 miles to the nearest BHS to find a dress that would cover the ample bosom. It worked fine on the day, although DH, who laced me into it, laced it incorrectly (not that I noticed or gave a... well, crap).

Ceremony was lovely, reception went well, but I spent my wedding day sober as a judge and unable to eat anything other than imodium. DD's norovirus nappy leaked all over DH's new trousers but he had his jeans with him so that was fine and he was more comfortable in them anyway. I just clamped DD to a boob and got on with the party.

My favourite cousin and her DH fell out spectacularly. It transpired things were Not Good and they separated soon after. Nearly three years on she is happily involved with another of my wedding guests...

Two of my closest friends got absolutely hammered and went missing for three days.

DH and I spent our wedding night in a tiny hotel room, taking turns to syringe rehydration fluid into DD's mouth. Fortunately all three of us are now doing the happily ever after thing rather nicely.

In comparison, it was a breeze compared to my parent's wedding. They were a Protestant and a Catholic marrying in Belfast in 1972. Not the done thing. They had a huge amount of opposition, both within and outside the families. DM's DF was advised that if he went to the wedding it'd be the last one he ever went to. He had to sit in the car park while my great-uncle gave away DM. 41 years later my parents are still married (although I reckon a lot of that is down to stubbornness and two fingers up to the haters).

Yes Libra, you win!

Just thinking that when dh and I were travelling to the reception he told me what had happened that morning at the hotel!

When we had been down to deliver some things the morning before the wedding, the owner said he needed to speak to the best man! So that morning FIL and BIL go to the hotel to hand in the overnight bags for us all. BIL is terrified when he leaves. FIL had gone to the loo and missed it. But the owner had told him that he would have to be the bouncer if there was any trouble .

BIL was the one likely to get into trouble!!! BIL had been shitting himself all day and DH found it hilarious. So much so that the driver of our car had to pull over as he was laughing so much at dh about it!

Mine aren't amazing but here goes.

Mil got slaughtered and spent the evening trying to grab my very reluctant father for a dance and when she did finally get him on the dance floor she kept stroking his bald head!

I'd asked my mum and sister if they could cut my cake up for me (budget wedding) after the buffet and serve it and you'd never seen a more reluctant pair! Did a half arsed job and most of the guests had left by the time they had done it so most of it got wasted.

First dance went hideously wrong because someone's plus 1 had brought her 3 year old who she let roam free and consequently pulled some essential leads out of the dj's equipment so we had to go off the dance floor and were called back 5 mins later!

A friend's wedding I went to recently was fab until the groom, who we barely knew, vomited all over himself completely unexpectedly whilst talking to us then collapsed on the floor. Bride was utterly unfazed and just carried on dancing. It was hilarious

When my cousin got married her mum (my dads SIL) wore a red sari similar to the bride. Bear in mind thst she is 60+ & also dyed her hair a sort of reddish mahogany to match her sari. She looked quite a picture and attracted lots of whispered comments but not of the sort she wanted!

The mother of the bride also walked around the tables & snatched the cards/ money envelopes from the guests by saying "is that for me?" She then proceeded to open the cards & pocketed the cash for herself. I knew that she would do this so I advised all my family to give cheques. My aunt rang me the next day to tell me off for writing a cheque in the brides' name!

My mum arrived at my wedding with a hangover, wearing the (black mini) skirt she'd been out in the night before and an oversized man's t-shirt. My sister carried out her repeated threat to 'leather' her 3 year old, during the speeches. My dad left early as his shoes were pinching his feet. The video clearly shows my mum mouthing the words "fucking row, this is" whilst gesturing to the (fantastic, imo, and v.expensive) live band, before rounding up her brothers/sisters/friends for a mass exodus to the bar downstairs.
My new husband collapsed on top of our bed, so that I couldn't even get under the duvet, so I had to get in with Ds, who had not gone to stay at my mum's as agreed, due to her nabbing the taxi I'd booked to take my husband and me to a hotel for the night, to take her and her mate clubbing.
Still, it could have been worse; my (v.nervous) brother got so drunk that he wee'd the bed on his wedding night...

Went to a wedding once where the groom wasn't really a big drinker. His mates decided to take him out "just for a few" the night before the wedding (the bride was a massive bitch, so can see why they planned this!) and got him absolutely smashed.

Next morning, they're at the altar saying their vows, and right at the part where he's supposed to say, "I do.", he has to sprint out the side doors of the church and be sick all over the place (in full view of the church). Most guests didn't know he had been out the night before, so thought it was actually nerves, and that he was going to leave her at the altar.

He ended up having to go and lie down after the ceremony, so he missed his wedding reception, and they had to get the whole bridal party back together and rent the venue for another day so they could get photos taken.

StepMIL who is Swedish wore a Finish traditional costume to her step daughters wedding, she looked a picture walking through Worsley, we thought she was the entertainment.

I've seen a few brides and guestzilla's and a fight break out but the most cringe worthy was actually a really lovely day, great couple, the only thing was the Bride's father made an impassioned speech with a subtle message which we bored people only got after 20 minutes of waffling. He went on and on about how proud he was of the couple, how they had such passion but willpower and dedication and finally used the words 'both going into this marriage pure' and 'saving themselves for tonight'.

No one was going to correct him that a) both bride and groom had had liaisons with others before, b) had been shagging for months and c) bride was actually 7 weeks pregnant.

We just silently pissed ourselves laughing while bride and groom and their other parents looked confused and mortified.

I didn't have anything bad at mind luckily. The only thing that pisses me off to this day is when the registrar was handing the signed wedding certificate he said "usually we give this to the best man but I understand there's 2 very special children that will be taking it instead" I was utterly confused and it turns out my mother had decided to have my 2 young cousins be given the wedding certificate so they felt part of the wedding. Why the actual fuck she did that I don't know. It was a small wedding of 50 with just my adult sister as bridesmaid not like I had children and they were left out. Why she felt she had the authority to change something about my wedding ceremony I don't know. It's the actual principle that she did it not the thing itself that pisses me off.

At a friends very lovely wedding, the ceremony was in full swing, vicar saying his bits etc...the church doors open and in walk a couple in about their late 50's/early 60's and start looking around the church, reading the leaflets on the table about halfway down. As in walked past guests and could obviously see our friends, fancy suit and wedding dress on stood in front if the vicar. They stayed about 3-4 minutes looking around the church then left with a loud bang of the church door. Yes ok it's a public venue but you just wouldn't would you?!

Ishall At a friend's wedding the BM lost the wedding certificate! He was 25! They had to have a copy made.

The one about the 'friend who's a waiter' is a popular urban legend.

Just googled and there are definitely similarities to the story i was told, he could have just been livening up my BBQ i suppose

I attended a wedding, where the reception was held in a hall next to a high security prison. Guests arrived at the reception and were greeted with ITN, Skynews and BBC camera crews, as one of the high security prisoners had taken a bunch of people hostage. Later watch us all on the news, as news teams were keen to know if we felt safe?

I love this thread keep them coming