Still cringing at this as I type this 
sorry it's so long.
I suspected I had pulled my neck again last nite while bringing the washing in 
and woke up this morning in agony and really didn't relish the idea of a whole weekend spent being unable to move my neck 
and an ever increasing annoying child to look after alone. Anyway rang my Doctors and was told to come in for 8.30 as they have a drop in surgery on Saturdays.
Just as we are about to leave DS (just 4) manages to wee all over his favorite spiderman pants and joggers while in the toilet. He then refused to wear any other pants or trousers. I was getting increasingly annoyed and frustrated and just told him to get himself dressed and wear what he wants as were in a rush. So off we go to the surgery with DS wearing only thin shorts (no pants) a chuggington t-shirt two sizes too small and his new school plimsoles. Honestly he looked such a sight that was embarrassing enough but I was in too much
pain to care.
Get to the Doctors, which was as expected extremely busy give my name etc and as soon as we sit down DS announces loudly he now needs a poo. So off we go to the toilet. As we come out DS bellows "I miss that pop mummy, it was my favorite pop ever" to which I mutter " you what?" " yeah it reminded me of Reggie (our dog ) did you see it mummy it had eyes" he said sadly. Que him then tugging on my arm while I waited for another seat and repeating 100 times in an irratating, whiney voice "I really do miss that pop mummy" untill finally I snapped "ALRIGHT I GET IT!" to which a waiting room full of people all look up at me.
Finally get a seat and sit DS on my lap, he then proceeds to ask me every question which could ever enter a small boys head, along the lines of why do we get poorly, do mummys have boys and daddies have girls, why is that lady old, why is that boy fat? on and on with me growing more and more irritated and DS's bored at the waiting audience growing more and more interested .
Eventually a few more seats become free and DS decides to go sit it a free tub chair about 5 seats away. Picks up a Cbeebies magazine and sits quietly for all of ooh 2 minutes before letting out a very loud sigh and loudly saying "I do like my willy mummy it's much better than flaps isn't it?" a few people start smirking, the elderly lady next to him looks uncomfortable, so I gave him the 'look' and he goes back to looking at his magazine on his lap. I admit I wasnt paying him a lot of attention as it hurt just to turn my head to look at him, so I carried on looking at my phone.
I noticed a slightly gazed look in his eyes but tbh was just glad he was being quiet. All of a sudden he loudly announces "Mummy, my willy's gone all hard" I shushed him and asked quietly did he need a wee? "No mummy, I've been pulling on it and now it's like sword" no exaggeration every pair of eyes in the room was on me and I thought I'm gonna go mad here in a minute. DS sensing my annoyance decided to try and tip me over the edge and started laughing and singing "willy, willy, willy, hard, hard, hard" "smelly mummy, stupid mummy,yes, yes, yes" I thought I'm going to have to take him outside and have a word but felt in a difficult postion as although the cheekiness wouldn't be tolerated I didn't really want to punish him for touching himself but needed to explain it wasn't appropriate in a Doctors waiting room full of people!
Just as I was gathering up my things, finally my name was called, so I sharply told DS to come along and as he jumped down from the chair a small boy sizes semi on could clearly be seen through his shorts. DS thought this was hysterical and as a finally to his shocked audience decided to do a silly walk including hip thrusts out of the room 
By the time we finally made it to the Doctor his shorts area was back to normal but I most certainly was not. I think a combination of the embarrassment, pain and strong pain killers I had taken finally took it's tole and I came over all funny, so much so the Doctors thought I was going to faint! Luckily he took sympathy on me and prescribed me some diazepam, without which I honestly think I would have strangled DS. When we got outside I told him don't EVER behave like that again to which he relied innocently "What mummy?"
Please tell me I'm not the only one with a child like this? And how can I prevent an incident like that ever happening again? (except never leaving the house or having to constantly main line Valium 
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I can't believe this has just happened. Please share your embarrassing young child/public situation nightmares.
PirateJelly · 17/08/2013 10:55
Pirate, sorry you are in pain but you made me guffaw.
Absentminded, you reduced me to tears of laughter! 
Plenty of embarrassing moments with ds when he was little. Particularly the time a neighbour knocked on the door to tell me ds had done a big poo in the alley behind said neighbour's house. (All the kids play out in the street here, btw, before anyone gets all disapproving.)
Re. willies - I've always told ds some things are private and only to be talked about at home. Not sure how successful that was when he was four...
I would have been in stitches in that surgery.
And at these others.
DS has come out with some things but nothing like these, same type of stuff though about willys and poo. What is the fascination?!
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
On the subject of dealing with willy discovery. How do others deal with it?
DS didn't seem interested in his and I'd never really seen him playing with it until fairly recently. DP (not DS's dad) came upstairs while I was in the bath a couple of weeks ago looking a bit and said "Pirate your gonna have to go have a word with DS, he's sat there watching Harry
Potter with no pants on.......(whispers) wanking" he explained he didn't feel it his place to say anything and he felt very akward about it. I went down and told DS that if he wanted to do that he had to do it in his bedroom and not infront of people as it was private. God this child rearing lark is a minefield
korma untill recently my DS was a very well mannered child but since turning 4 has turned into a little boy who is obsessed with pop, wee, willies and bums. I always interface with him but after 20 minutes of questions and me trying to distract him I was just glad of 3 minutes peace while I thought he was enjoying a magazine. He is going through a stage where he delights in winding me up, and trust me if I'd made a scene telling him off it would have been worse, plus the fact I could barely move.
Thank you Thornrose 
Arggh 'poo' and 'interact' dam phone. Sorry it's changing words on a wimm now 
We were in a queue when ds was 4 (19 now!) for a pirate exhibition in a tiny museum on the seafront. We had waited ages and when the doors eventually open ds ran to the front and gestured everyone towards him shouting C'mon ye bastards pirate style! We have no idea where he heard it or how he knew it was appropriate for this exhibition but there were glares and few laughs!
Ha ha!!
Was camping a couple of weeks ago, and took ds2 (5) in with me for a shower, while others waited outside for their turn. The shower block was a portacabin type thing so very thin walls, and everything can be heard by all.
"I CAN SEE YOUR BIG BOOBS MUMMY! WHY ARE YOUR BOOBS SO LONG??"
Then
"IS THAT YOUR GROWN UP NAPPY MUMMY? HAVE YOU GOT BLOOD COMING OUT OF YOUR MINNIE?"
Shut
The
Fuck
UP
!
Pirate take no notice whatsoever. You are totally not alone! Like I said, I have 3 delightful hard work little boys and they do delight in anything they perceive as rude (my DN is also the same). IMO the more catsbum you are about it, the worse they get! Fwiw, I love this thread! . How's your neck? Have you got one of those microwaveable cushion things? They're brilliant for that sort of thing
"I do like my willy mummy it's much better than flaps isn't it?"
Wow! Just wow!
This is an example of when previous generations would of just clouted them round the side of the head and told them to shut up.
Well done! You didn't kill him
I hope you feel better soon
Thanks NationMcKlnley I'm just attempting to get someone to watch DS for the afternoon so I can get some rest as he's gone into overdrive and is currently trying to attach himself to the washing line whilst wearing the dogs harness and lead so he can create his own zip wire or fly like spiderman. I knew that jam sandwich was a mistake (lazy mother)
Please tell me when do boys calm down abit? I feel like I've got a one child whirlwind at the moment. Gone are the days of nature walks and craft and now it's let's chase each other with swords or climb onto the shed roof or wrestle with mummy/dog/cat/television constantly. Thank god he's starting full time reception in September!
When ds1 was a baby, I was out shopping with my cousin and her dd who was 4. We stopped for a coffee in a cafe mainly frequented by elderly people, and found a table near the back so I could bf ds without them seeing (I wouldn't have cared when I had ds2, but was worried about disapproving looks then). My cousin was ordering drinks, so I settled down and proceeded to feed. Cue her dd commenting very loudly, "ooooh, are you feeding the baby from your booty? why do you feed him from tour booby? My mummy has boobies, she has 2.boobies. she really likes them. Do you like your boobies? Do you? do you?" I was so embarrassed, and of course all the old ladies looked and a couple of them commented on how disgusting I was for feeding in public/allowing my child to talk about body parts in public!
Then when ds2 was a toddler we were walking home, and had builders working on the house a few doors down. ds2 picked up a stick for me, and shouted, "mummy I dot you a Dick. You like Dick don't you mummy."
Pictish
You've reminded me... many years ago, ds in the potty-training phase so got lots of praise for doing wees and poos in his potty. I went into a public loo. Looong queues but finally got a cubicle. Ds did a wee, then I had my turn...
ds announces in a BIG loud voice: 'Well DONE, Mummy, that's a lovely big poo!'
I heard sniggers... waited... then realised the queue was so long we were going to have to open the door and walk out in front of everyone...
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Just read Pictish's post and actually spat my tea out at " why are your boobs so long" and Ineedayoninickname " I got you a dick. You like dick don't you mummy" So funny, glad it not just me who's suffered.
Here's another one (I have loads, sigh) I used to take pfb DS1 to a very naice little music group. At one of the sessions the teacher played some sounds for them to identify, eg: a car, a plane etc. Then she played a 'tick tock' sound. And of course, DS1 shouted "it's a cock!!
Mummy!! It's a BIG COCK!!"
When I had DS3, DS1's lovely TA asked me if I was bf'ing. I thought it was a weird question until she told me (and she could barely talk as she was laughing so much) that DS1, on being asked about his new baby brother had informed the entire class AND head teacher, that he cried a lot and only liked boobies. . I'm sure I'll be back with more
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