Still cringing at this as I type this 
sorry it's so long.
I suspected I had pulled my neck again last nite while bringing the washing in 
and woke up this morning in agony and really didn't relish the idea of a whole weekend spent being unable to move my neck 
and an ever increasing annoying child to look after alone. Anyway rang my Doctors and was told to come in for 8.30 as they have a drop in surgery on Saturdays.
Just as we are about to leave DS (just 4) manages to wee all over his favorite spiderman pants and joggers while in the toilet. He then refused to wear any other pants or trousers. I was getting increasingly annoyed and frustrated and just told him to get himself dressed and wear what he wants as were in a rush. So off we go to the surgery with DS wearing only thin shorts (no pants) a chuggington t-shirt two sizes too small and his new school plimsoles. Honestly he looked such a sight that was embarrassing enough but I was in too much
pain to care.
Get to the Doctors, which was as expected extremely busy give my name etc and as soon as we sit down DS announces loudly he now needs a poo. So off we go to the toilet. As we come out DS bellows "I miss that pop mummy, it was my favorite pop ever" to which I mutter " you what?" " yeah it reminded me of Reggie (our dog ) did you see it mummy it had eyes" he said sadly. Que him then tugging on my arm while I waited for another seat and repeating 100 times in an irratating, whiney voice "I really do miss that pop mummy" untill finally I snapped "ALRIGHT I GET IT!" to which a waiting room full of people all look up at me.
Finally get a seat and sit DS on my lap, he then proceeds to ask me every question which could ever enter a small boys head, along the lines of why do we get poorly, do mummys have boys and daddies have girls, why is that lady old, why is that boy fat? on and on with me growing more and more irritated and DS's bored at the waiting audience growing more and more interested .
Eventually a few more seats become free and DS decides to go sit it a free tub chair about 5 seats away. Picks up a Cbeebies magazine and sits quietly for all of ooh 2 minutes before letting out a very loud sigh and loudly saying "I do like my willy mummy it's much better than flaps isn't it?" a few people start smirking, the elderly lady next to him looks uncomfortable, so I gave him the 'look' and he goes back to looking at his magazine on his lap. I admit I wasnt paying him a lot of attention as it hurt just to turn my head to look at him, so I carried on looking at my phone.
I noticed a slightly gazed look in his eyes but tbh was just glad he was being quiet. All of a sudden he loudly announces "Mummy, my willy's gone all hard" I shushed him and asked quietly did he need a wee? "No mummy, I've been pulling on it and now it's like sword" no exaggeration every pair of eyes in the room was on me and I thought I'm gonna go mad here in a minute. DS sensing my annoyance decided to try and tip me over the edge and started laughing and singing "willy, willy, willy, hard, hard, hard" "smelly mummy, stupid mummy,yes, yes, yes" I thought I'm going to have to take him outside and have a word but felt in a difficult postion as although the cheekiness wouldn't be tolerated I didn't really want to punish him for touching himself but needed to explain it wasn't appropriate in a Doctors waiting room full of people!
Just as I was gathering up my things, finally my name was called, so I sharply told DS to come along and as he jumped down from the chair a small boy sizes semi on could clearly be seen through his shorts. DS thought this was hysterical and as a finally to his shocked audience decided to do a silly walk including hip thrusts out of the room 
By the time we finally made it to the Doctor his shorts area was back to normal but I most certainly was not. I think a combination of the embarrassment, pain and strong pain killers I had taken finally took it's tole and I came over all funny, so much so the Doctors thought I was going to faint! Luckily he took sympathy on me and prescribed me some diazepam, without which I honestly think I would have strangled DS. When we got outside I told him don't EVER behave like that again to which he relied innocently "What mummy?"
Please tell me I'm not the only one with a child like this? And how can I prevent an incident like that ever happening again? (except never leaving the house or having to constantly main line Valium 