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Original poster

To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby" enclosed in *Baby naming ceremony* invitation?

992 replies

doubleshotespresso · 12/06/2013 23:38

So some close friends (who married in church), but now claim to be atheist are holding a naming ceremony for their 8 month old first baby in an hotel.....

The invitation is beautiful with a map, timings "event closes at 11pm"?

The gift list ranges from £30-to £300, all items for the mother, cosmetics, trinkets, jewellery, pampering breaks, personalised hand-bound stationery and photo albums...

Anybody know the drill for these naming ceremonies? Are we supposed to guess a gift for the baby? Or just congratulate the mother for deciding on a name?

I have read this a dozen times and am staggered beyond belief-DP read it and fell into hysterics....

My gut tells me to go along with Jo Malone scented nappies or something.

Somebody please tell me this is not normal?!?!?!

OP posts:
PunkHedgehog · 13/06/2013 10:55

"they aren't having a Christening, so the norms for that sort of event don't apply. And there isn't a settled tradition in UK of what happens at naming ceremonies."

I disagree - it's the direct equivalent of a christening so the same rules should apply: no list, presents for the baby from immediate family and godparents, cards from everyone else.

I think Zillions has the best idea - they really do need a copy of Debretts's.

Sleep404 · 13/06/2013 10:58

Also why are they naming an 8 month old baby. What has the little darling been called up until now? It sounds like they wanted to have a party and searched around for something unusual to use as a reason.

NonnoMum · 13/06/2013 11:07

I think the baby needs a CHildren's bible... Just in case he/she ever wants to marry in church. For the photos.

DeskPlanner · 13/06/2013 11:12

I wrote a massive post about this, this morning and my phone ate it. Sad

I love gift list threads, to me they and wedding threads are the greatest joy of MN. This particular thread is the most grabby I've ever read. It honestly is so shocking Shock .

I wouldn't go, but I would be desperate to know what others took. If you really want to go, take the lovely gift you've already bought, but they don't deserve it. Don't buy something else off that list.

I have a couple of questions if you don't mind. Firstly, did they have a wedding list and was that bonkers ? Secondly, do you know anyone else who is going ? I would love to know if anyone else invited thought that it was rude. If you do go, I'm begging that you come back to this thread and update.Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/06/2013 11:13

Do Jo Malone do haemorrhoid cream? Grin

cleoteacher · 13/06/2013 11:15

omg that's terrible! I don't understand why people think this is ok. I've heard of gifts for the baby but why on earth should the mother get gifts! I went to a naming ceromony the other day and got the child a book, although I am not sure the mother (my sister) was very impressed.

I would go with a gift for the baby. Do you know anyone else who is going? It's likely you will find they are just as outraged as you are and are intending on taking a small gift for the baby so you won't be the only one.

curmit · 13/06/2013 11:18

sleep404 I didn't know that about naming ceremonies - I thought it was a newish thing that people had in place of a religious ceremony so I stand corrected Blush :)

p.s. - I bet the missus with her gift list knows nothing about the origin or significance of a naming ceremony either! ;)

Pootles2010 · 13/06/2013 11:18

No its not normal! We certainly didn't have list at my ds's - and we did have a 'thing' after, but just afternoon tea!

And people just bought presents for DS obviously, including the obligatory silver things which are now sitting in the loft along with the bible someone thought appropriate Hmm

Oblongata · 13/06/2013 11:20

What are her other friends like? Are they likely to stump up for pampering days etc?

Reading between the lines, money's obviously not an issue here, but people are picky about spending it right.

Pootles2010 · 13/06/2013 11:20

curmit they are also a newish thing, non-religious thing, think most are in this country anyway!

Bearbehind · 13/06/2013 11:39

OMFG- no way would I go.

I know you are worried about causing offence but they have been so offensive it's not true.

it is utterly selfish of the mother to ask for things for herself and the fact that once the sub £40 things on the list have gone that everything is over £75 makes it so much worse.

I will never cease to be amazed at the shameless, self indulgent, money grabbing fuckers out there.

DeepPurple · 13/06/2013 11:47

I had a naming ceremony for DD as her welcome to the world. I didn't want a christening as we aren't religious.

We did not enclose a gift list and did not expect presents. Many guests did bring a little gift for DD along the same lines as a christening gift.

Presents for the mother? Grabby and really weird!

grendel · 13/06/2013 11:50

Would you have wanted to go if they hadn't included the gift list? Have to admit that except for the list, it sounds like quite a nice event if a little over the top.
You like these people, they are old friends, you don't really want to fall out with them.
If it were me I would go along and enjoy the event, ignore the stupid gift list and just take the type of gift for the child that I would normally take to a christening/naming event.
Treat the request for pricey prezzies like any other social gaffe: quietly ignore it and never mention it again.

Charlesroi · 13/06/2013 12:10

C'mon OP - tell us this is a joke thread please.

I must be so out of touch because the last time I went to a christening I gave the parents some money for the baby's savings account (and a bottle of wine for her mum). We didn't have an all-day do (no London Philharmonic orchestra,thrones etc) just a few drinks and sandwiches.

OP - I think the present you have bought is very thoughful and if the parents are crass enough to be pissed off with it they are not people you need in your life. I'd go to the do though (and take a doggy bag).

WouldBeHarrietVane · 13/06/2013 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EldritchCleavage · 13/06/2013 12:30

Blimey!
I also think the wedding planner probably headed off similar tackiness at the wedding.

I've been to a secular humanist naming ceremony. There was no gift list for parents or child, and the mother was happily surprised that so many of us brought something.

I think go with the baby present you've already brought, nothing for mother.

Whatever happened to the tradition that father bought mother a present to recognise her hard work in producing the infant? I don't think the birth rate is so critical the whole community has to join in, though if that's the way we're going I want it made retrospective so I can have a pair of diamond earrings, please.

SauvignonBlanche · 13/06/2013 12:54

YANBU, how rude!

TheThickPlottens · 13/06/2013 13:10

And there I thought that the point of any celebration was to have the friends around.

I'm always just happy people turn up. If they bring a gift, it is always appreciated but not expected or pre-ordered. Shock

Sallyingforth · 13/06/2013 13:25

it's the direct equivalent of a christening so the same rules should apply

No it's not. Christening is introducing the child into the Church by baptism, with godparents taking on responsibilities towards the child. It also includes naming the child.

A naming ceremony is just that and no more. And since the child's name is usually given at birth it seems to be nothing more than an excuse for a party. Not that there's anything wrong with a party of course!

Cravey · 13/06/2013 13:27

Funniest thing I have ever heard. S they got married in a church as they wanted a nice pretty wedding then turned into non believers. Then decided to have a naming ceremony as they are scared of missing out on gifts and are asking for gifts for themselves not the child. Don't go and make sure you tell them why.

PicardyThird · 13/06/2013 13:27

When my two were baptised and some people came with a gift (for the baby!), I felt a little bit bad, guilty even - I sort of thought 'oh no, they thought they had to bring a gift'. Presents of any kind hadn't even crossed my mind.

That is one gift list, OP. Shock

Cravey · 13/06/2013 13:28

Also would like to point out that a naming ceremony is a made up thing that is in no way equivalent to a christening. It was made up for people who want a party and all the gifts. Simple.

Pootles2010 · 13/06/2013 13:36

Oh bugger off slagging off naming ceremonies. Just because something's new does that make it bad?

It is something more than just naming the child, it's welcoming them into the family, and giving the 'supporting adults' just the same responsibilities as Godparents!

All this disliking naming ceremonies just for the sake of it is so bloody miserable, frankly I'm sick of it!

Slag people off for wanting presents, but its not linked to it being a naming ceremony rather than a Christening, the two are not linked!

LondonJax · 13/06/2013 13:38

We had a blessing and thanksgiving service which would probably be described as a halfway house between a christening and a naming ceremony. We didn't, at the time, attend church and felt it was wrong to make a promise to bring DS up as a church goer. But, for various reasons, we felt 'something' had watched over DS when he was a baby and wanted to give thanks for that.

The one thing we didn't do was send out a gift list! People bought him something if they wanted to, but we didn't ask for it and I'd never have dreamed of asking for something for me!

I'd go if it were me though ... And buy something for baby as a keepsake. But I'm arsey like that Grin

MortifiedAdams · 13/06/2013 13:40

Buy them some.Mozzie Nets for a third world baby or a goat for a family on Zimbabwe.

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