To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby" enclosed in *Baby naming ceremony* invitation?

[doubleshotespresso]

So some close friends (who married in church), but now claim to be atheist are holding a naming ceremony for their 8 month old first baby in an hotel.....

The invitation is beautiful with a map, timings "event closes at 11pm"?

The gift list ranges from £30-to £300, all items for the mother, cosmetics, trinkets, jewellery, pampering breaks, personalised hand-bound stationery and photo albums...

Anybody know the drill for these naming ceremonies? Are we supposed to guess a gift for the baby? Or just congratulate the mother for deciding on a name?

I have read this a dozen times and am staggered beyond belief-DP read it and fell into hysterics....

My gut tells me to go along with Jo Malone scented nappies or something.

Somebody please tell me this is not normal?!?!?!

wow! I'm dying to know what DDP's reaction was - did he agree to return the money or was he still spluttering with indignant rage? When you said he went ahead with stuff knowing it would be vetoed - he really planned stuff that he knew wasn't wanted?!

Wow. Just read the updates. So pleased it was an event planner and not your friend. I hope all the invitees continue to be kind and understanding over this and that your friend works it out with her sister. I just want to say that you sound like you have been an amazing friend.

I am so desperately curious about the event planner

Hope the naming ceremony goes well.

Mum op has described in detail the friends sister behaviour, and how te sister recommended the planner to her so that planner could get commission, nottat he was good and would organise a lovely event within the budget. The op was concerned as she knows her friend, and this gift list was out of character. Because op friend and op are taking matters into their own hands and ditched the planner, she has thrown a strop and made it all about her. Add to,that this has upset their parents. Just because they are sisters does not mean they have similar personalities, my miu. And her sister are like chalk ad cheese. The friends sister sounds like a bit of a diva, I'm inclined to believe op

piglet have been watching thread since the beginning, and have been 100% supportive of OP and her friend. It was me who suggested that she talk to her friend in the first place, rather than assuming the worst!
I may have missed a post where the sisters admission of complicity in things like commission, and off the wall wishing wells, was outlined ...in which case I of course apologise for posting "lets hear her".

I was at pains to say I was not defending the sister. Merely following the same tack I took originally, in saying that it pays to actually have a full conversation to discover exactly what the other persons stance is, before condemning outright.
I assume that more will come out after friends DH talks to the sister at length today.

God, "bare stress". That takes me back. I haven't heard that expression since I left the UK:o

Imagine for one horrible moment what the day would have been like if you'd said nothing. The horrors. £20.00 to decorate a flipping cup cake? What are they decorating them with? Gold and the magic dust from a unicorn's hoof? Who did the planner think this was for - Jordan?

Your friend had a lucky escape. Hope her sister turns out to have had been woefully misguided / hoodwinked rather than opportunist. Maybe she thought it would be win win situation come back ASAP and tell more

I've lived in UK all my life and never heard bare stress

You sound a really fantastic friend OP. i think your friend might need quite a lot of support over the next few months to prevent something else bonkers happening. Baby brain is one thing but letting herself get quite so swept up in this ridiculous charade is pretty scary.

I know you said the party planner had arranged things without consent but he must have had some indication on budget. I wouldnt have thought planners just book things if they think they won't get paid for them.

£1,800 on flowers FFS! Unless they are loaded, she could have financially crippled them if you hadn't stepped in.

I can see what MumnGran is saying here. A lot of the things going on have been down to the planner, so whatever he is saying might not actually be what the sister actually said to him.

It is worth giving the sister the courtesy of allowing her to explain and apologise before giving her both barrels, if required. Would be better for future family relationships, especially if it turns out she had no idea of the extent to which the planner went.

But te op said the iter has gone into a strop as the op friend has ditched the planner, and started to take control of the situation

The sister may have gone into a strop because the friend ditched the planner, but she might revise her opinion on knowing exactly what the planner was trying to commit the friend to.

This is why I think a talk is in order first to establish the sister's understanding of the situation. If it turns out that she was aware of the excessive arrangements and did nothing about it then give her the bollocking she'd deserve.

If there's a chance that there are a load of misunderstandings clouding the issue, it's worth taking time to sort them out.

Hello back again, had to come into the office early this morning, so just read posts upto date...

To try and answer the queries above here ou go:

-Cupcake class was to be with edible glitter, sprinkles and 3 x squeezy tubes per child to be kept and each child took their own cakes. What a moneyspinner huh?
-the sister it traspires today via calls with friends parents and friends DH was in full knowledge of commission and stated to DH it was normal practice for recommendations. She has apparently expressed deep apologies if friend has been caused anydistress, but thought original plans were "quite fitting"!?!?! DH has made his feelings clear to her and he has asked her to call friend this wekend at home.... He is keen she attends, ut only if she is on board with new plans and can happily share in the day. She told him she was devastated and embarrassed that we had dispensed with DDP........ Hmmmmm. Think all concerned need a few days reflection and a skype call come the weekend should be a good llace to start in healing any wounds. DP thinks I am being unrealistically hopeful here, but let's see.
-Yes the hotel were due to pay a fee... So glad we have intervened in time!
-Bearbehind you are quite right, friend is reslly very fragile at the moment. Exhausted, unwell (pregnancy induced diabetes wihich is lingering and wiping her out completely) and desperate to be supermum. We will all be keeping a close eye and she is seeing a specialist next week. She needs rest. Cannot believe I dis not see this earlier, but had not seen her in a few weeks and was very wrapped up in other things.
-in terms of DDP and the deposit, he should receive our letter today and has 7-10 days to respond. Friends' DH will be making clear to sister at the weekend he expects it returned fully and that she should convey this. He intends also to visit his business address this week, where I would be surprised if he does not leave with a cheque.

Off back home now to see how friend is doing today... Se has texted a couple of times so think all is well.....

Glad to hear from you double ...and good to know the conversation has been had with the less than D' sis, although the attitude beggars belief! Her position is now very clear, and in my humble opinion: hang her high. Although sounds as if she may be in for a rough ride with the rest of the family, anyway!
Even more sorry for your friend now, though, as am sure the last thing she needs at the moment is a major falling out with a sibling.

I don't think you can blame yourself for not spotting problems ...we all put on a good face to the world and it is not your fault for not picking up that all was not well behind the facade, particularly given strains in your own life. The only thing that really matters is that the minute you found out, you were there for her every step of the way!!

Double, you have done the best you could for your friend given the circumstances - as MumnGran says, if she was putting on a good face, how were you supposed to know that she was under such stress?
As it turns out, it's almost a good thing that this has gone the way it has or you might not have realised for much longer how vulnerable your friend is, and she could have made herself quite ill. Now though, you and her DH are on top of it and can keep an eye on her. :)

Her sister, OTOH....

just . The behaviour of the sister and party planner is appalling. Glad the day is replanned. It sounds lovely

Doubleshot You shouldn't blame yourself for not spotting your friend's distress any earlier. You mentioned much earlier in the thread that you've had an operation so understandably your attention was elsewhere.

You've been able to help your friend and hopefully she'll get the help she needs.

However, your update clearly shows the sister was only interested in what this event could do for her. The apology, as described, doesn't really sound much of one to me, if she thought the original plans were fitting! I don't fancy her chances with the rest of her family....

The sister is unbelievable . All she cares about is te fecking planner, not the health of her sister.

I believe 'Sick and gave him bare stress' translates as 'she was blooming brilliant and put a well-deserved rocket up up him'.

Double, you are - as many others have said - being utterly marvellous. Remember to keep notes on everything you've done. Next time you apply for a job there's bound to be a question or two along the lines of 'tell us about a time you dealt with conflict/resolved different priorities/carried out a difficult negotiation/supported someone in a tricky situation/dealt with an awkward supplier' and this gives you a magnificent example.

And the revised event sounds lovely - gaps at the end of the table and all.

Did the sister have any explanation for the list for the mother?

What a great friend you are :)

Hi double ...
any news from FDH on whether he walked away from DDPs office with money in hand?

Remember to keep notes on everything you've done. Next time you apply for a job there's bound to be a question or two along the lines of 'tell us about a time you dealt with conflict/resolved different priorities/carried out a difficult negotiation/supported someone in a tricky situation/dealt with an awkward supplier' and this gives you a magnificent example.

^^ This!

OP, more people in the world should be like you. I'm lost in admiration. Hope you're not getting too stressed out by it all and that the wine supplies are holding out.

Cheering on your and your friend's DPs as well, hope you all get the better of Elton John soon.

Anyone else hoping thy doubleshot's friend chooses her as a godmother rather than the sis - I know who I'd rather have looking out for my child!!!