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Original poster

To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby" enclosed in *Baby naming ceremony* invitation?

992 replies

doubleshotespresso · 12/06/2013 23:38

So some close friends (who married in church), but now claim to be atheist are holding a naming ceremony for their 8 month old first baby in an hotel.....

The invitation is beautiful with a map, timings "event closes at 11pm"?

The gift list ranges from £30-to £300, all items for the mother, cosmetics, trinkets, jewellery, pampering breaks, personalised hand-bound stationery and photo albums...

Anybody know the drill for these naming ceremonies? Are we supposed to guess a gift for the baby? Or just congratulate the mother for deciding on a name?

I have read this a dozen times and am staggered beyond belief-DP read it and fell into hysterics....

My gut tells me to go along with Jo Malone scented nappies or something.

Somebody please tell me this is not normal?!?!?!

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 14/06/2013 10:36

I think you're going about it the right way

ssd · 14/06/2013 10:55

that list is unbelievable

ICanTotallyDance · 14/06/2013 11:08

Unbelievable! You must tell us how it all went. I hope this is the one faux pas she makes in her lifetime and not the start of a new trend or the sign of a serious break down.

PunkHedgehog · 14/06/2013 11:52

If the way the list is put together, as well as the things on it, doesn't seem to fit her usual style I'd be leaning towards the mistake explanation. Does the list actually say her name or the baby's name on it, or have the event details, or is it a separate sheet that could actually belong to someone else entirely.

Even if that's not the explanation it could be a tactful way to bring up the subject. Say that the list didn't quite seem what you were expecting and you just wanted to let them know in case the printer/planner had made a mistake and included someone else's wedding list with the invitations. If it really is a mistake it gives her a chance to sort it out, and if it wasn't but she now realises she was being utterly nuts it gives her a graceful get out clause.

Elquota · 14/06/2013 12:56

What is a "currency case" anyway? A purse?

MumnGran · 14/06/2013 13:08

Actually, OP, I would just be honest, as have always found its the best way to avoid major collisions.....scripts tend to sound like scripts!!

Can you just say "Wanted to check if what I have bought for the Christening is OK, because I had already bought something for but the list didn't seem to have any baby gifts on"

That is honest & factual, makes you appear concerned rather than critical, and is going to get one of three responses:
either an incredulous "what do you mean there is nothing on it for the baby" ( if its been a mistake or a rogue planner )
or an equally incredulous "you DIDN'T take it" seriously ( if it was meant to be a joke - and the monogrammed currency holder really makes me wonder if it is )
or she will say, "oh don't worry about it, I expected some people might go 'off list' and buy baby gifts" (or some similar thing which lets you off the hook, but reiterates that the gift list is indeed what she wanted to piut out there^ )

Approaching it this way, providing you don't react negatively if she does confirm that the list is 'as intended' and just move on to another topic, should ensure zero risk of it becoming an upset.

Just my spin.

squeaver · 14/06/2013 13:14

I agree with others who have said this isn't of her own making. Someone - maybe the wedding planner? - has told her that this is a "done thing" and then put together a suggested list that she's agreed to.

If this is the case, though, how mortifying for her. How the hell is she going to get out of it?

squeaver · 14/06/2013 13:36

It's a very elaborate joke, if that is the explanation.

quoteunquote · 14/06/2013 13:46

buy her a quarter of an acre of rain forest £25

It is so rude to dictate what people should buy, a list is a suggestions list for people who may need ideas, not a demand list.

durbanmummy · 14/06/2013 13:56

How bizarre - if they are close friends can you not ask them if they were joking??

We did Naming Ceremonies for both DSs. We told people that gifts were not expected, but if a guest wanted to they could make a donation to the local primary school where the DC would attend. We ended up with about £500 which we gave to the school towards new playground equipment.

The only reason I specified what to give was that I didnt want to end up with 30 silver money boxes!! (Still ended up with a bit of silver tat even then!!)

Reastie · 14/06/2013 13:59

Hmm . It seems I missed out at DDs christening then!

pigletmania · 14/06/2013 14:30

Good on you double, don't I repeat don't buy anything on the list. This is about the baby not her! I looked at that wallet Shock, how cheeky and rude. I would next time you see the dh, show him the invitation and ask him if you have the correct list as there is nothing fr the baby on this one Grin, evil cackle, and the items are a bit erm over budget. I bet his jaw will be scraping te floor.

cerealqueen · 14/06/2013 15:42

pigletmania that is what the OP should do with her friend, say look, lists got mixed up, what would a baby do with a fancy wallet except chew it and then resume normal conversation whilst waiting for the reaction....

Featherbag · 14/06/2013 15:50

What a totally bizarre thing to do! I'd be rather worried for my friend if I were you, sounds totally out of character!

ArbitraryUsername · 14/06/2013 15:51

Someone needs to explain what the difference between a currency holder and a wallet/purse actually is.

ComposHat · 14/06/2013 15:59

Someone needs to explain what the difference between a currency holder and a wallet/purse actually is

About £180.

SauvignonBlanche · 14/06/2013 16:01

^^ Grin

pigletmania · 14/06/2013 16:51

Yes cereal disguse it as something, say you must have another list as surely a baby cannot possibly need candlestick holders or a fancy wallet, so can't be right Wink

HappyMummyOfOne · 14/06/2013 18:00

OMG, thats on a par with expecting guests to fund your honeymoon!

Not keen on Christenings though as most are about other things than actually the christian side and a naming ceremony is just a party and present p excuse as everyone names their child!

Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 14/06/2013 23:47

Just returned home a while ago ans thought i would update you all...

Talked to my friend, she has employed the services of an Event Co-ordinator and he compiled the list on her behalf.

He was found for her by her sister who runs businesses here and in Australia and uses him frequently. Her sister suggested the gift list and it has already provoked heated reactions from their own family (glad I am not alone.) We talked at length and she admitted she is very overwhelmed at the moment with being a new Mum, DH being away for spells on business and organising this. She followed the plans suggested by her sister, and confided that the whole thing has become a circus she is uncomfortable with but that she went along with the plans blindly as he was "so enthusiastic". And then the fatal question dropped: "so what do you think?"

My heart jumped to my throat... I answered honestly, but diplomatically. Said out of personal preference I would probably choose something less along the lines of a wedding reception, maybe have an afternoon tea type thing, that the gift list was not something I would do.... I would keep my focus on the baby in question..... And just leave gifts upto the guests... But said the important thing that she and DH are happy with the day.....
It is heir baby and they should deide on the celebrations....

And then the crying started......... And went on and on.......

And she said "I've been a complete doughnut haven't I? People must think I'm a right cow"

More to follow.... i need coffee!

OP posts:
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 14/06/2013 23:49

Aww bless her! Smile

KalevalaForMePlease · 14/06/2013 23:50

Oh dear, your poor friend! I can so imagine her getting talked into something and then just losing all control, especially if others are involved. It's a bit like My Big Fat Greek Wedding! Maybe you could take the piss a bit, try and get her to see the funny side?

Xiaoxiong · 14/06/2013 23:51

Oh dear oh dear...your poor friend!! Well, the one good thing is that you and anyone who knows her already knew this was out of character and will now not be surprised to hear that someone else, her sister in this case, is behind this.

Xiaoxiong · 14/06/2013 23:56

If I were her I'd be ringing everyone on the guest list asking them to ignore the gift list, there was a mix-up and they don't actually need any gifts but any already purchased would be gratefully received, or would just like books for baby or a charitable donation if a gift is really necessary.

Not sure what they can do about the rest of the plans though, I wonder how set in stone everything is at this point.

RedToothBrush · 14/06/2013 23:59

Well, it sounds like she needs support and to have someone help her to tell the dick of an event planner to do one.

I think you done good challenging her actually, since this is very clearly about far more than the gift list.