I've been reading this all day today, it's great!!!
I've got loads to add, but I'm typing on phone so will just add a couple for now....
MIL called a couple of weeks before Xmas to say her central heating was broken, and an emergency plumber had diagnosed X and quoted Y for the work to be done. DH (her son) is a plumber, and she wanted to know what he would charge, and if the quote she had was reasonable.
DH offered to repair for free, but MIL has now decided to wait approx 10 weeks to have a whole new system installed by age concern uk, as she is entitled to a grant.
DH can supply and fit a new boiler for a 10th of the grant she thinks she's its entitled to, and he could fit it in this week. But no. She doesn't want to inconvenience DH by putting some work his way!!!!
MIL drives, has her own car etc but resolutely refuses to drive 25 miles to our house as she doesn't know the way. She has a satnav, a car 10 years newer than ours but will not make the journey alone - henceforth she has turned up at our house with a rather odd collection of acquaintances, including one friend who was so travel sick she couldn't have a cuppa when they arrived???
She has no problem with us piling three DCs in the car and ambling over to her too small for more than two people at once house, where she will force offer lukewarm tea at 7 minute intervals and stale cake/biscuit, or if we're really lucky chip butties.
We also have the 90 minutes chatting on the doorstep when trying to leave, and the piece de resistance, was her telling me she had put a stool in the bathroom for me ready for when I needed to bf ds. 
I totally ignored her, commandeered an end of the sofa and sat and bf ds in the living room. DH ended up telling her that this is the norm these days, and if she wished to eatin the bathroom she should go ahead, but ds eats with the rest of us :)
She buys so much crap stuff off the shopping channels, then tries to offload it to us.
She has already given us three sets of suitcases, we do not need a fourth.
She irons EVERYTHING. If we go to her house, and she has stuff needing to be ironed, she hides it in the tumble dryer! I mean, why???
She has a dishwasher, but doesn't use it. She says this is because the heating is broken and there is no hot water - I pointed out it is cold fill and doesn't need hot water, and will use less energy than currently being used to boil the kettle to wash the fucking pots!
The house she lives in now, she chose it because of the wood floor in the lounge and the leather sofas which were included in the sale. She has lived there less than a year and has had a new carpet fitted OVER the wood floor that she loved so much and covers the carpet with a variety of rugs. The leather sofas are covered in so many cushions and various throws that I'm not actually certain the sofas are there anymore IYSWIM!! I think It is just a pile of cushions!!
She cannot cook for toffee, she literally boils everything to a mush. Roast dinner is a chicken breast so overcooked you could use it as a foundation stone, along with carrots, peas and potatoes that literally disintegrate to a pulp at the first sign of a knife and fork.
There's no hope!!!