Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Omg such anality from pil. Come and share your anal behaviour stories (lighthearted)

911 replies

ledkr · 05/01/2013 11:04

We are with pil at present and they are very sweet but so bloody uptight about everything.
Bil has been away for a week so he left car with pil so that it "wasn't left in the street" it has a steering lock on and fil takes it for a drive each day! The car is an old banger worth about two hundred quid.
Kids can't even eat a banana without a table cloth,mat and plate Hmm
Leaving the house to walk to shops is a major ordeal. Costs hats gloves change of shoes everything switched off at the wall last minute run upstairs for wallets. I could have been there and back.
So I'm asking you to entertain me with similar stories to help me through the day.

OP posts:
KentuckyFriedChildren · 06/01/2013 02:46

My ils are a bit JeanAndDave too.

Mil, up until a few months ago would put my children in pull up nappies for bed when they stayed at her house despite the fact she has a waterproof sheet on the bed. They are 5 and 4 and have (between them) only wet the bed twice and they were ill at the time. She also only recently stopped putting the 4 year old in a high chair! They still both must wear a bib at meal times in case they spill anything on their clothes which wouldnt matter anyway as she washes all their clothes at the end of the day even when they dont really need washing. She also washes their jackets and SHOES every time they go to her house (which is usually at least once week).

When cooking chicken she leaves it cooking for an extra 20 mins on purpose so that it is dry as fuck cooked properly but will only make enough gravy for a dessert spoonful each.

I could go on... Hmm :o

YokoUhOh · 06/01/2013 03:07

This thread has me convinced that DH is a bigamist and married to all of you lot. My extremely JeanAndDave MIL serves Sunday fry-up on the world's tiniest side plates resulting in beanjuice level: critical (woe betide you if the beanjuice should spill over the side of the miniature plate, it's an exercise in extreme cutlery control). She also told me that I should 'control DH's portions'. I'm sorry, I wasn't aware it was 1955, now where did I put that pin money...? I could go on... For hours.

YokoUhOh · 06/01/2013 03:10

Btw, on a slightly different note, I thought I was the only living person who served gravy in a measuring jug. Is this the new benchmark for slatternly shortcomings? :)

BlueyDragon · 06/01/2013 03:27

Surely not by the standards of this thread, Yoko, as you've at least bothered to put it in a jug.

YokoUhOh · 06/01/2013 03:47

Yes, Bluey, it has a spout and everything... :)

I once had to buy MIL a £20 bunch of flowers (thanks, DH, for the suggestion, and your support in this extremely trifling matter) because I made her cry by repositioning her face flannel in the bathroom. That is no word of an exaggeration.

BlueyDragon · 06/01/2013 03:53

See, you can lower the standards and use a sippy cup next time Grin.

Can't believe the face flannel flowers though.

YokoUhOh · 06/01/2013 03:58

It's the god-honest truth, Bluey, it made her 'feel as if you wanted me gone'. Hmm

YY to MIL ironing the porcelain dolls' dresses. And everything in sight. Also to the 18 hour picnic prep for a couple of sarongs and a bag of Seabrooks. Why? WHYYYY???

YokoUhOh · 06/01/2013 03:59

Haha sarnies. Sarongs repeat on me.

WandaDoff · 06/01/2013 05:20

Without trying to put a downer on anyone, please make sure you make a fuss of the pernickety old bastards. Smile

I treasure every moment that I wasted, moaning about wee quirks & idiosyncrasies that my parents had.

They are gone now, & by fuck, it's a quiet life without them Grin

they will be recalled in so many ways in so many generations to come though.

Some of their daft wee habits are the things that I treasure the most now.

echt · 06/01/2013 05:46

I'd just like to lob THIS particular hand grenade into the thread.

People who know how to pack. Suitcases, cars for the holiday...

:o

MadameCastafiore · 06/01/2013 05:50

My ILs are mild compared to some of you guys.

FIL insists on sending us warning emails of current scams going on by phone or email, totally weird things always perpetrated by someone on a country I have never heard of who are apparently targeting people just like me!! Like I have a special demographic called thick as shit.

Food at their house is always Luke warm and sliced or chopped very small/thinly, it's like they are preparing themselves for the retirement home. And there is never enough, DH could easily finish off what they cook for all of us put together.

FIL makes soup with leftovers (of which there are few) and will think nothing of scraping what you didn't eat into an old ice team carton to mush up into soup once they get enough detritus to do so. Chicken bone and half eaten roast potato soup anyone. They even freeze leftover Chinese takeaway!

He also uses one tea bag for about 4 cups of tea and you can't fox him by having coffee as that always comes in a shade of very pale gnats wee, I think it's a granule a cup!

And they don't have big glasses so you have to make yourself about 6 drinks to the equivalent of one you would have at home or try and quench your thirst with the lukewarm water/tea concoction.

Oh and you don't eat certain things together, god the issue when I even thought of serving carrots and fish at the same meal!

I do love them dearly though and think they just don't like waste. Mind you the hovering when you are doing anything, knowing in their mind they are horrified you are doing it that way but are far too middle class to comment gets to me and the time when a tap had been dripping and he taped a ruler to the side of dh's old baby bath to show me just how much water was being wasted did do my head in.

I am already storing up barminess from this thread to use to persecute DCs when I am old.

SPBInDisguise · 06/01/2013 07:13

We have a cheese box, started it just before Christmas when the fridge/kitchen smelt like something had died (dh had bought Camembert).
So pleased to know these are normal. Though I should point out to the people saying "it's the war" that my pils are just over 60 and my own parents just under.

PeppaPrig · 06/01/2013 07:36

We have a cheese box and its lid is a grater.

SPBInDisguise · 06/01/2013 07:38

At 7.25 I was pouring a glass of wine...to clingfilm, so I could take the bottle to the tip with the rest
It has started, officially

Dozer · 06/01/2013 07:59

Grin beanjuice and "extreme cutlery control"! Your DH / MIL were way out of line demanding flowers for the ridiculous flannel incident, don't stand for any more of that!

DH is anal. IMO this comes from PIL and boarding school!

Hanging clothes on clothes horse and folding clothes towels etc a certain way. Packing. Doesn't like me to do these things - I do it "wrong".

Squeegying the shower. opening window (even when freezing) when and after showering. Tbf the bathroom is damp: I want to put in an extractor fan but he prefers the window solution!

Cleaning / tidying living room and kitchen every evening. ido a general tidy, clear dishes, wipe etc and we have a cleaner. He puts everything in its place, cleans under toaster etc. Takes about 30 mins each eve.

Putting stuff away tidily rather than functionally, eg paper admin that needs action will be piles with junk mail, magazines etc to look neat. In kitchen, fruit squash so high up need to use a chair, for example. if I move things to my liking, they will be put back.

Tiny kitchen, short on cupboards, so he built some shelves in the living room (in need of decoration, currently old-lady style from previoous house owner) is now annoyed because am using it for "unsightly" things like pans and plastic, not just glass and china.

Car is immaculate (eg yesterday was annoyed as I'd left a pay and display ticket on dashboard and brought a cloth in to wipe mirrors then left it there). Major drama if I mark it, eg dragging stuff over bumper from boot, scratching on kerb etc.

Food pickiness and inflexibility: he will cook something with potatoes and veg taking 45 mins even if it means he doesn't eat til 10pm (after he's done cleaning etc). (I don't cook for him anymore in the week as he wouldn't eat quick stuff that do for the DC like pasta, stir-fry etc)

wants DC to eat everything at the table, even snacks etc, gets cross if finds mess. Would understand if living room / furniture / carpet was new but as mentioned they are old-lady style and already a mess.

It is depressing and time-consuming tbh. If he could live and let live it would be easier, but he wants me to do stuff like him and is critical Sad

Argh, sorry for moaning on the funny thread Blush

BadDog · 06/01/2013 08:19

Oh tidy cars. That's a good one. The boot is lined somehow and NO PARKING TICKETS , rugby balls cricket bats empty bottles of water sticks or crisp wrappers.

Tee2072 · 06/01/2013 08:22

Ah, hearing aides. My step father only agreed to finally wear his when he backed into my aunt's brand new, as in she had just driven it home that day, car because she was in his blind spot and he couldn't hear her honk.

My mother falling and him not hearing her wasn't enough reason, oh no. But damage to a new car? Get those hearing aides in now!

Now if I could only get my father in law and father to get some my life would be complete.

BarnYardCow · 06/01/2013 08:37

After years of " turn the lights off" still amazes me that Dm and Dd refuse to swop to energy savers, the brightness is different. Also, nearly had a fit when first with Dh and he ripped a huge sheet of silver foil to wrap some sandwiches, as had be brought up with using just enough to cover it! Am ok with it now, and take great delight at using fresh plastic bags and not an old mothers pride to freeze something in. Do have the checking the door is locked thing as it is ingrained, but when we did get burgled, they got in through a window anyway!

CailinDana · 06/01/2013 08:42

That sounds hard going Dozer, I don't think I'd be able to put up with it.

My parents have always been set in their ways. Growing up it was actually quite nice in some ways as it was very stable and predictable. Dinner was always always always at 6 no matter what, even if mum was at a meeting and we (as teens) were out for the evening, dad would still cook for 6, eat on his own (always at the table) and keep plates for all of us. We didn't have to be home at 6, that was no problem, but dinner was at 6 regardless.

They had and still have a set repertoire of meals which expanded very very slowly over the years but then seemed to reach a critical mass and could expand no more. So lasagne never made it no matter how much we asked for it - too exotic for mum. Also, mum hates rice and dad hates mashed potato - what has inspired such feelings for such bland foodstuffs I will never know, but neither of them will go near their hated food.

Dad loves spicy food and makes a fantastic curry but still hankers for the utter shit he had to eat as a very very poor child. So he makes the most disgusting stew which involves boiling the cheapest possible cut of meat with vegetables for hours until you get a greasy mush. Mum couldn't force us to eat it when we mutinied aged about 10 - she hates it herself. He has longed for tripe and drisheen (fellow Irish people will understand) for years but my mother will absolutely not allow it in the house. Bacon and cabbage is another favourite, but I must admit that is lovely.

PILs have an obsession with the weather forecast and with driving routes and traffic. Every single time they arrive they talk about what the weather will be like later that day/tomorrow (which is invariably wrong, but that seems to pass them by) and go on and on and on and on about what roads they took, what the traffic was like etc. Leaving the house is pre-empted by another in depth discussion of routes and traffic, despite the fact that there are only two routes they can possibly take and there is absolutely no way to predict the traffic.

Growing up there was always a tonne of food in my house - you could have seconds or thirds if you liked. PILs only cook the bare minimum. It drives me mad.

I think FIL has an eating disorder. It's not serious, but it is stable and long lasting - he worries terribly about his weight and often misses meals, comments constantly on my eating (I enjoy my food, but I am not overweight at all) and still mentions the fact that MIL was fat when he married her over 30 years ago (she's very thin now). I just ignore it because I feel sorry for him, I think he really struggles with food.

MIL always turns up with random food, which I then throw in the bin. This is down to my anality rather than hers really - I have bought the food I need so extra things like potatoes etc just go off, and other things like carrot soup don't get eaten because no one except MIL likes it.

MIL had a bib obsession when DS was small. She still puts a bib on him when he's at her house and I'm not around.

MIL also has a slipper obsession - where did this come from in the older generation?? I never wear slippers but every time I go to their house there's a pair waiting for me, which I ignore every time. MIL also obsesses about coats - the last time she was here she asked "Does DS have a coat?" That was a bit too much for me, and I rather rudely said "MIL are you seriously asking me if DS has a coat, do you think I didn't get him one in the middle of winter?" She laughed, but she will ask it again. She bought him a (hideous) coat for Christmas. Every time I'm at their house she tries to give me one of her coats to wear - for some reason my own coat is never good enough.

EggRules · 06/01/2013 09:04

For all the costs saving they are massively wasting huge amounts of time. They are so far ahead of themselves they do things twice - hardly efficient. The amount they waste in water running the washing machine twice a day, even with one shirt in if that is all that is dirty.

I have no idea what they do with toilet roll; they use huge amounts. If they visit for a few hours they use at least one full one. They also rearrange the towels in the bathroom.

I have a cheese box - we luffs cheese and otherwise the fridge smells of camembert and stilton etc.

MousyMouse · 06/01/2013 09:19

my parents are the same with loo roll. they use loads. when they come to visit I buy a big pack of 12 rolls which they finish in about a week and sometimes even that is not enough!
yes yes to the slippers. and they are sulking at their house because the dc rather wear an extra pair of socks than those felt slippers that are very slippery and only allow this slipper-shuffle-walk.

HarkTheHattifattnerSing · 06/01/2013 09:26

DH does a good line in Pseudo-Authoritative 1950s Bloke-Talk which generates a sort of Pavlovian-Submissive response. - OMG Lapsed....So funny I snorted into my tea. Grin

LondonMother · 06/01/2013 09:30

Such a good thread! So much I recognise here from my parents. They decant everything into their own serving dishes and jugs, nothing ever appears on the table in its packaging. Manufacturers spend a small fortune on designing attractive packaging that keeps the stuff inside fresh. This cuts no ice with my parents. Much better to put the juice into a Tupperware jug and have that on the breakfast table than keep it in the carton! Lurpak spreadable and Flora are smeared onto separate butter dishes and kept in the cupboard, not in the fridge. This drives me mad as they both go soft and oily.

Re the lax parenting thread - my own parents would never have featured on that one. We did roam free during the day but we had to be back for mealtimes and they never, ever visited pubs when we were growing up. There wasn't the money. It was a revelation to me in my teens to discover that other people's parents (a) drank alcohol (mine stuck to a small sweet sherry at Christmas) and (b) had no qualms about going into the red at the bank. My parents seemed to think that every member of the bank's staff would know and disapprove if they went overdrawn and the shame would be unbearable. So they scrimped and saved like mad to avoid this.

NorksAreMessy · 06/01/2013 09:42

My most favourite thread this year :)
Have asked for it to go into classics, it is WONDERFUL.
Thank you ledkr and everyone else for sharing your pain for our enjoyment

summerglory · 06/01/2013 09:56

Maryz - spending hrs trying to confuse the satnav turning right when it says left and saying ha let's see how it copes with this HILARIOUS!!!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread