Omg such anality from pil. Come and share your anal behaviour stories (lighthearted)

[ledkr]

We are with pil at present and they are very sweet but so bloody uptight about everything.
Bil has been away for a week so he left car with pil so that it "wasn't left in the street" it has a steering lock on and fil takes it for a drive each day! The car is an old banger worth about two hundred quid.
Kids can't even eat a banana without a table cloth,mat and plate
Leaving the house to walk to shops is a major ordeal. Costs hats gloves change of shoes everything switched off at the wall last minute run upstairs for wallets. I could have been there and back.
So I'm asking you to entertain me with similar stories to help me through the day.

The picnics!
You know those picnic tables overlooking the motorway/dual carriageway, which make you think 'who in gods name would have a picnic there?'.
Answer - my parents.

When they go shopping ( to shopping mall or similar) they eat sandwiches in the car park, and then going for cake in John Lewis .

They are not poor BTW.

My parents are early seventies Ponders, but it was a very gradual thing so you need to be aware.

PsIL always warm red wine by the fire. It's supposed to be served warm, apparently.

But my DF always used to have a glass of "good" brandy (Armagnac or whatever). The women of the family were never offered a glass. This was a luxury only able to be savoured by a man. However, when my DSis brought her BF (now her DH) along, of course, he was offered some. I can still see the discomfort when he asked to mix it with coke!

All visitors to PIL's home MUST park on their driveway even if it is already occupied by their car, SIL's car, FIL's work van and the only available 'space' is so small that it is impossible to open the back doors to remove the DC. If the eminently more sensible option of parking on the road is taken, there is much tutting and pursing of lips while MIL informs FIL that we have walked "all that way" (100 metres tops).

When DH and I were first going out and he still lived at home, we made the mistake of bringing a McDonalds over the threshold (disclaimer - we were young and very hungover). Cue handwringing from MIL about us "eating it out of the papers". Had never occured to me to plate up a Big Mac and fries.

shit herself into a coma

Ah Fuck I've got flu and nearly coughed up my entire lungs chuckling at that

My Dmum is notorious for this kind of behaviour, bless her.

You can never leave her house, or have her visit, and come away empty handed. We joke that she's Teflon coated. Unpacked after our Christmas visit last week and discovered the reason the car was so overloaded was because she'd 'helped' with the packing, and managed to sneak in the entire contents of her fruit bowl - including a large melon and whole pineapple!

She also drove over to Dsis's house one time to leave half a packet of wooden washing pegs on her front doorstep. The other half she posted to me! Neither of us had mentioned needing more pegs...

She's so careful with with food that she often serves up micro portions. We were there for my birthday last year and she made meatballs for tea. Dsis and I were careful to request pasta because they don't eat it (or rice, bread etc). When we got there she'd forgotten the rice and had tried to stretch a pack of 12 meatballs between six people, so we got two each plus some broccoli :o. Poor DH's face was a picture.

She's a huge fan of the Avon and Betterware catalogues and must send a fortune on utter crap that lasts two minutes. Like the notorious onion keeper or the microwave egg poacher that either spills raw egg all over the counter (too small, wobbly) or nukes eggs to rubber. The best thing about her catalogue habit is that fact that it's on collision course with her endless guilt over spending money.

She made herself feel better about all the tat delights she bought before Christmas by wrapping it up and giving it to Dsis and me. I got a lovely set of felt Santa napkin holders...

I luffs my mum :).

"shit herself into a coma", dh and I are hooting at that

oh thanks, Sparkling

I already soak dirty dishes (from overnight - being an elderly slattern) in the sink before loading the d/w, & complain about people running the shower for 15 mins solid instead of turning it off & on like me, so am I making a good start?

Ponders sounds like you are well on your way, but you could just catch it in time. Go and do something very wasteful to even things up maybe?

MIL will bring me flowers (I'm allergic), and won't be happy (drink anything, eat anything, sit down) til I've grovelled to find a vase in the cupboard under the sink. Recently brought me sweet peas (very smelly), and I just thought 'sod it' and put them in a pint glass where they looked very nice.

Next time 'I didn't bring you flowers dear as it seemed to put you out'. I mean why would you say that? How could that not make someone feel uncomfortable?

For 17 years she's been saying 'do you have a teapot?' before she makes a cup of tea. Eventually I suggested she buy me one for Christmas. Big mistake. She got all enthusiastic, bought something totally to her taste (flowery, delicate), with two matching mugs and two little plates for biscuits!

For 17 years she's been saying 'do you have a dishcloth?' when she does bits of washing up. I think dishcloths are minging. We use those spongy things. Why can't she just use what's there. That's what I do in other people's houses.

Thank god she doesn't stay.

I could go & run my engine for a while to charge my battery, Sparkling!

oh, wait...

MIL is always buying stuff for our house, as we 'didn't have one in so we must need it'

Latest items:

• huge wine glasses (a good point about PIL is they like to knock it back with the best of them)

which annoyingly don't fit properly in the dishwasher, grr

• a brush thing for washing up when we have a plentiful supply of sponges & cloths
• a steamer (well she's promised to get one) as we gave away the last one she gave to us as we never used it. But she wants one here to use when she cooks.

Ah well, she does cook brilliantly and lots when she's here :)

I am so disorganised that I am taking some of these posts as aspirational.

Ponders

This thread has almost made me miss my Ex-IL's
When going away for a few days the fridge & freezer would be emptied , cleaned & switched off... all food they used to bring to me
usually half a bottle of salad cream and scrapings of low-fat margarine!

this thread has got to be moved to classics

I'm howling with laughter and desperatly trying to repress childhood memories at this.....(very old parents in their 80's now).....
saving crisp packets to reuse.....

While I'm laughing there are one or two on here that are making me wince because I fear DH and I could be slowly becoming guilty of them.

DH definately has a dishwasher laoding protocol and he does turn the mattress over when he changes the sheets.

Mind you, I take comfort in the fact that my mother believes we are beyond redemption because we use the tumble dryer in the winter (rather than playing the in-out-in-out game all day long) and if we don't like a food-stuff we just don't eat it.
Mum: I bought these melons but they aren't very nice - dry and sour
Me: Oh dear - shall I throw them out for you
Mum: horrified No, I thought you might want to take them (Why, you just said they were horrid?) but if you won't (injured voice) I'll have to eat them

I love love love this thread, and recognise lots of it.

but it is a very strange companion piece to the "lax parenting of the 60s and 70s" one, isn't it? How can those crazy, drink-driving, chain-smoking, bar-fly hell-raisers have turned into these people?

My parents do the thing where tea must always be made properly in the "heated" pot. But there is a whole thing where you will be asked at the beginning of the process if you want some, and you say no, because you have forgotten how long it takes, and that it is always safer to say yes, as who knows by then. By the time the tea is ready (and has "drawn" properly) you might quite fancy a cup. But NO! You can't say that now! They have only made a small pot! There are exactly two cups of tea in the pot and if you have one, one of the parents can't. Which is what will happen, because you have forgotten how this all works, and will be muttered and moaned about just enough for you to notice, but too late.

DP really struggles with all this.

I have really enjoyed reading this thread because the behaviour that is only slightly more extreme that my parents', but is clearly ridiculous, has helped me to stop worrying about all the things I don't do that my mum does. I usually beat myself up a lot about being slatternly and prodigal, but this is helping.

I'm going to be one of these anal people- I already am!

I have a 2 towel strategy at home.
One on the radiator in the bathroom for drying hands (there's no where else to hang it) However, I always have to use a second towel which I drape over a bannister outside the toilet. Reason being I once saw a film about spray leaping up several feet from the toilet during a flush, the radiator is next to the toilet, therefore, I always feel the most hygenic option is a towel outside the bathroom.

Euphemia - "Thursday is his macaroni cheese day!"

OMG. Sorry but I cannot imagine what would happen if he had to go into hospital (heaven forbid) for a week! Similarly for HarkTheHattifattnerSing's FiL if MiL was in hospital for a week...

"stand looking pathetic with a piece of bread until MIL comes to spread some butter on it and miraculously turn it into a sarnie"