Please help me with my 'Little Book of Hindsight' for DS's 18th

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

Hi

My DS is 18 on Monday. (sob)

As my parents died when I was in my early 20s and I've really missed their advice over the years, I've bought a gorgeous little book and I'm writing in it all the things I think it's useful to know. I've called it 'The Little Book of Hindsight ... or How Not To Bugger It Up'

I've put funny things in as well as serious things eg the correct response when a woman asks if her bum looks big in this (and an example of an incorrect response for fun). I've said try to save 1/4 of your net income etc etc.

I know he needs to learn by his own mistakes but I thought this would be nice - and it isn't a book of rules.

He knows I'm writing it and likes the idea but asked for it to be funny.

Please can you help.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

Oh Coldcup - that's a real choker.

I've had to stop writing these for this evening as I'm having tomorrow's wine today as I have to be able to drive back to the house if I'm needed.

They are so great - I'll be back tomorrow.

[shoppingbagsundereyes]

What about Dory from Finding Nemo's beautiful 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming'

[Freshletticiaandslugs]

Arf @ the last chicken in the shop that is bloody hilarious.
What a lovely thing to do OP.

[BustersOfDoom]

Wish I could take the credit Fresh but I heard it on the telly. Very accurate tho from what I understand have seen on a Living TV show about the porn industry Yuck!

[OliviaLMumsnet]

at these.....

[MrTumblesCrackWhore]

Say what you like as long as you like what you say

[LtEveDallas]

We like acronyms in the military, so a couple of good ones for you:

KISS: Keep it simple, Stupid.
RTFQ: Read the fuckin question.
7P's: Proper planning and preparation prevents piss poor performance

And one I love from my own mum (don't know where she got it from, sorry)
"Don't moan, thinking the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first"

Lovely idea

[EqualsX]

A few from my dad. They are not so catchy but he says them often and following his advice has made a huge difference to the way i think about the world:

"Near enough's not good enough!"

If you want to know what kind of person someone is, check out the way they talk about or to their partner.

Never, ever spread bad gossip.

Remember that it's hardly ever the case that someone is out to deliberately wreck your day. When people say dumb things or let you down and you feel hurt or annoyed, try and imagine the kind of day they are having, and give them the benefit of the doubt.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

Again - many thanks for these. They're brilliant.

Shoppingbags that just reminded me of a lovely girl I used to teach who was like Dory in every way. She was so happy and wise in her own way and I wonder what she's doing now.

Oh dear - stayed up till gone 2 talking and talking with DH and having far too much wine. Must be that whole 'landmark' birthday thing. I'm so glad I followed my own advice re 2 pints of water and some paracetamol before sleep.

I have had a pm asking if it's ok for someone to put a link to this thread on Facebook. I know nothing much about that site so please could someone in the know tell me if it's ok to do that.

For anyone seeing Alan Davies when he starts his proper tour - his take on Facebook is hilarious.

[trumpton]

'Tis better to wear out than rust away . That one from my lovely dad who was still climbing trees to lop them in his 80's .

Buy cheap, buy twice .

It's the things you dont do that you will regret later not the things you did do .
( One of my mother's who was an intrepid traveller)

[SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange]

Never fully trust a fart

The bigger the person the harder they fall.

You will never be too old to be put over my knee

The world doesn't owe you anything.

When life gives you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall. (From Get Him To The Greek)

[catgirl1976]

I forgot the most important advice of all. One to live your life by this....

DON'T be "that guy".

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

A Jeffrey? I need to know

Love your dad's advice especially, Trumpton

[AViewfromtheFridge]

I think Baz Luhrmann said it best - can he have a whole page?

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99...
Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice NOW!

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.

Oh, never mind.
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive.
Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters.
Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees.
You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll divorce at 40.
Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance.
So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can.
Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance

Even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines.
They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents.
You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings.
They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,
but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get,
the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise.
Politicians will philander.
You, too, will get old.
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund.
Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse.
But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia.
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

[SPsFanjoSponsoredByOrange]

let's face A Jeffery is a cig full of crap just means when your life seems mental or too much just slow down

[MyOrangeDogShitsGoldMoney]

If a person will talk about others with you, they'll talk about you with others.

Never regret anything, at one time it was exactly what you wanted.

It's easier to build up a child than repair an adult.

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

You are always responsible for how you act regardless of how you feel.

Treat her exactly as she deserves to be treated or watch someone else do it.

Hold her hand.

( HIV doesn't just happen to other people . Thank you Enjoy, that's made me well up )

[GW297]

I had a feeling you might be a teacher OP!

[nickelcognito]

If you're upset/annoyed/angry about something someone has said or done tell them .
and tell them before you tell anyone else.

[nickelcognito]

ooh!
my favourite woodwork one (which I think can be adapted to everything in life)

"Measure twice, cut once"

(ie double-check everything before you commit to it)

[Pfaffingabout]

This is brilliant! I only have one to add -

Your body is not a temple, but it is the place you will live in all your life - so look after it!

[quirrelquarrel]

Be nice to pigeons, there's always a pigeon lover watching.

[KatMumsnet]

Hi there, just to say we've moved this into Classics

[Nancy66]

Never buy red socks or underwear because one day one of them will end up in the wash with your white: shirts, sheets or towels and you'll curse the day you ever bought them.

[MeerkatMerkin]

From an IT perspective: always save your work regularly and ALWAYS back up!

Helpful at university (my friend lost her entire dissertation the week before it was due in ) and also at work. :)

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

AViewFromTheFridge (love the name)

Have drummed and drummed the sunscreen advice in but my kids all saw the nice long and livid scar when I'd had a skin cancer removed from my nose.

They got the message so well that they were the same colour coming home from the south of France as they were before we left - result!

Lots of that other advice is going straight in there too. Thanks for it all.

Love the Jeffrey thing - very true.

In fact, there are so many fab ones. DH and I are going 'Yes - that one!' 'And that one!'

So we are off to a hotel room with DS 2 and 3 later this afternoon so DS1 can have the house to himself. I'm taking my netbook and the 'Little Book' to carry on writing these into.

I do wish I could follow my own advice about not leaving everything to the last minute as we're running around like blue arsed flies here.

Oh - that's another one - Portia from Merchant of Venice re the property of mercy.

Also, I'm quite unreasonably chuffed that this thread is going into classics - thanks to all who have posted.