Why the Friggity Frig <GLARES> didn't anyone, not one of you, think

[Honeydragon]

to tell me what a piece of piss Chicken and Sweetcorn soup is to make! It takes 5 minutes and costs fuck all. I have being buying this stuff you know? With ACTUAL money.

One idle google and 10 minutes later dd and I have a pan full for lunch, it's lovely.

It was bad enough finding out about cleaning washing machines, and Veet to unclog hairy plug holes.... and now you failed to tell me this

Well you horrible lot, what else have you being holding out on, and keeping from me?????

Sigh.

In RL I have an ok sense of humour. Sometimes I make people smile a bit and roll their eyes with little quips or comments.

But this thread has made me laugh So HARD IT HURTS and I realise I am never going to be able to compete in the MN Humour Stakes. Nothing I type will ever be as funny or nearly as interesting as some of you lot.

Halving apples with your bare hands, I ask you. A million uses for WD40 and laundry detergent. Tortoises, I loved the tortoise segue. Banana porn. Wow.

My ds2 once kept an orange in his bag for 3 weeks, it was disgusting....he's 13 btw not 5 as you would be forgiven for thinking.

boomerang thanks for the link, I wasn't sure if I was picturing it correctly.

I looked...of course I looked, it was me who googled the blasted banana porn in the first bloody place.....it wasn't pretty

So many tips on here. And much hilarity. Honey and Viv you are fast becoming two of my fav posters on MN solely due to the Prospero crossover.

Marking place to get more advice that I will never actually use other than to say to DH "there's a better way to do that you know".

You don't have to use it, just roll it out to other people when they ask the best way to clean oven,washing machine, refrigerate a tortoise etc
Makes you sound line a perfect housewife, when really your secret drawer in the tumble drier is on fire, your tortoise is drinking your champagne and you have an art installation in your booze fridge which still smells like squid. and you are watching online banana porn

HeartsTrumpDiamonds But the nice thing about MN is it's not the individuals it's the whole, that make the humour

You'l pick up some great tips too

PMSL ^best way to clean oven,washing machine, refrigerate a tortoise etc
Makes you sound line a perfect housewife^

Aaaaaaand best post officially goes to...... tantrums! Your little précis of the whole thread has actually made me cry laughing. Not as in "it's a saying" but there are Tears. Running. Down. My. Face.

I am learning SO much from this thread.

But most of all, that tantrums summary of this thread needs to become the Mumsnet advert.

Camelknees I've been crying with laughter ever since I started reading this thread, who would have thought so much joy would come from a recipie for chicken and sweet corn soup??

Hilarious. Am just thankful that Friday's urge to clean the washing machine had subsided... Although now I feel the urge to go online shopping for stardrops. But not tortoises - who knew they were so much work?

Have just been surfing 'most active' and posted a very serious message on a very serious thread. Only to come back, read that little summary and PMSL again.

It needs to be pinned up somewhere. Instant smiles.

Oooh dragon's den moment -Maybe it should become one of those smarmy little framed sayings like Keep Clam and Carry On. People can have it on cotton totes and mugs.....

DH can't understand why I sit on my phone/computer laughing so often since I found MN and it's people like all of you guys who give me some of the best laughs I've had in ages. I love this thread!

What are the requirements for moving a thread to Classics??

And we can paint it on the back of the tortoises as well:)

Oh this whole thread should be required reading for anyone having a bad day, it's really cheered up my day. I only came on here to find out how to clean my mouldy washing machine drawer :) :)

Everyone else in my house is asleep and I am desperately trying to stifle my laughter so I don't wake them!

Guys! GUYS! It's only bloody gone and worked! The interpretive refrigerator installation art has WORKED! Granted, the fridge now has the aroma of a heady blend of disparate household items, but better that than the fishy fishy that's plagued us for weeks. You are wonderful, knowledgeable geniuses each and every one. Thank you.

Tracy Emin eat your heart out :)

I am actually crying laughing whilst trying to explain this thread to DH. How do you explain how washing machines, tortoises, soup, champagne, banana porn, and cat litter in a fridge go together and why it's so funny? DH is laughing but I think he's just laughing at me because I can barely speak I'm laughing so hard. My tummy hurts and there are tears running down my face. This is the funniest thread but trust me it gets even funnier when you're trying to explain it to someone else and you start by reading out tantrum's précis.

After a tedious day this has had me in stitches.

*I presume you all know about the correct way to open a banana?

Yup, spray onto a soft cloth and wipe away*

Is my favourite cross post.

I've been on this thread literally all day ( in between kicking the washing machine, breaking the fridge and watching the banana porn) I really have to go to sleep now :(

Thank you lovely mnetters who have made me literally pmsl :)
No doubt there will be more jokes tomorrow, I will have to try and hide my laughter as I will be at work, but please keep it coming :) :) :)

(hugs and kisses)

Vivipru, I'm so happy the squid has gone!!
It must have been the saucer of paint and the chopped onion!!

Just make sure you leave some space for the tortoises next to the cider :)

I knew the onion would work!

I don't know, all this information and entertainment, and it all started with soup!

Well done Viv!

I think we need HQ to make Tantrums "Quote of the Week"

I'm you are puking in your fridge in the bathroom?