to have expected a flume ride to feel the same as it did when i was a kid. FFS I go like a rocket now!

[Nevergarglebrandybutter]

Yowser, I was out of control!
I nearly got flipped over. Ankles over the side the lot. And there's no brakes once you get your speed up.
Crikey, I used to enjoy them now it's quite obviously dangerous!

wah lets all the mumsnetters do a sponsored flume event :-)

Boohoo, just tried reading out your post to DH, cept I'd not read it properly before beginning to read... think I may have weed a little bit plus I ended up spitting all over the laptop screen when I got to the part about calling the paramedics.

By far the funniest thing I've ever read on here.

Well done.

can we have a link to the photos?

I also remember going to a water park
With an ex, I had a suspicion he couldn't swim but he insisted he could.

Anyways he almost drowned at the bottom of the first flume, the water was 4 ft deep and there were 6 year olds coming down it, he just wouldn't put his feet on the floor and had to be rescued by the lifeguard.

He spent the rest of the day watching me
Pull my bikini bottoms out of my arse at the bottom of slides, and we broke up
Shortly after.

this thread is really making me grin.

i urge all mumsnetters who haven't been down a flume since achieving adult status to give it a go. honestly, your life (and your swimsuit) may well flash before your very eyes.

my favourite flumes as a kid were the rainbow slides in Stirling.
there was one in particular that was scary back then....
hmm, anyone in stirling willing to check it out?

This has made classics

We went to a water park on holiday in Wales this year. Not only did I have to go through the humiliation of MIL2 picking out a swim suit from the rail in the shop, "this looks about your size" (20) and it actually fitted!
But when I got on the flume, all the water backed up behind me. It was like a fecking tsunami! DS said he knew when I was coming, because the water stopped coming out of the end, and then out I would burst, like a walrus out of a cannon, arms and legs flailing, to hit the water and knock him off his feet if he wasnt out of the pool fast enough!

:o at this thread! I really needed this tonight.

DH went on one of these at center parcs a few years ago. Physics can't have been on his side, as he was in the bloody thing for ages.
Lifeguards were peering up the hole worriedly.
After about half an hour, he slowly plopped out at the bottom.
To this day, no-one knows how he managed to defy laws of gravity and go so bloody slowly!

Faverolles maybe he did that Augustus Gloop thing and got stuck in the pipe!

DP and I both laughing our heads off ... Thank you ladies!

Oh my Catpuss you poor thing.

I am crying with laughter.

We go to Center Parcs with my parents every March and a lot of the time I've either been pregnant or bfing and couldn't possibly go on the hell that is the rapids. But eventually I ran out of excuses. Bloody thing. It's in sections so you can experience the full range of trauma on the way down. The first bit sucks you under and sort of removes your swimwear whilst you scrabble for purchase and cry. The second bit hurtles you into a pit where you get the full force of a wave into your open eyes, blinding you and if you're lucky, also choking you. Then the third bit you sort of spin round whilst screeching before banging your head on an imitation rock and tearing a hole in the arse of your swimming costume.

True.

Story.

Of course a load of 5-15yos cruise past you effortlessly whilst giggling. It serves to highlight your complete and utter spiral into agony. Physical and emotional.

Bloody hilarious

Catpuss was it Bluestone?

I cant remember. I have blanked the entire episode from my memory!
Swinning pool? What swimming pool?

I admire you all for even getting on a flume! I'd be way too scared!

thank you for making me laugh - I need it this morning!

and the roundup!
have i finally mastered the art of the mumsnet thread?

You should try waterskiing for the ultimate enema - when you fall over it feels like the entire lake's been fired up your jaxi with a canon (note I say when, not if)

I never had a flume ride! Always looked much too risky for my liking! I don't DO risky. And I don't see why ANY parent should do something as trivial as a fairground/theme park ride if it's against their own desire, just to please their children.

God knows, we give up/do enough as parents that we shouldn't feel compelled to do what goes against the grain just so that our children can have a , 'fun,' experience. Why should we be forced into doing something so pointlessly stomach-churning and spine-wrenching as a flume ride.....?

Get REAL! Either the children do such a thing alone, or they don't do it at ALL - until they're old enough not to need a parent to accompany them.

I don't know, I was 13 when I went on holiday with my sister, I went on plenty of flume rides at the water park and am glad to know that the enema effect is not just apparent on me.

I went to the loo and managed to emit pure water from the bum hole It seemed to happen every time so I gave up on the whole water slide business.

I didn't try it again in Florida, although would be tempted if I went back.

Well wonders will never cease. I thought that if there could be at least one thread on the whole of mumsnet that could go without stick in the mud posters that have no sense of fun or humour that this one would be it.

Not for the first time I've been proven wrong.