The MN meaning of Liff

[AuntieBulgaria]

Douglas Adams and John Lloyd wrote a book called The Meaning of Liff that used existing place names to give names to commonly recognised feelings, experiences and objects that didn't already have a word for them.

For example:

Cotterstock - a piece of wood used to stir paint and thereafter stored uselessly in a shed in perpetuity.

I was thinking last night, as I stood behind my 3.5 year old daughter sort of herding/hooshing her upstairs to the bath avoiding a variety of potential distractions, there ought to be a word for this.

And then I thought, there are probably loads of commonly recognised parenting phemonema that could be 'Liffed'.

I browsed google maps this morning and came up with the following place name/ definition combos but would love to know yours too...

Kirtling - benign kettling required to keep small child going in the direction you need them to.

Poxwell - act of knowingly covering up of active chicken pox spots in order to make a quick dash into shop for milk or make an international plane flight home.

Ousden - constant flow of greeny/silver snot from small boys, the trail said snot leaves on the shoulders of all of your clothes; 'ooh, hang on, you've got a bit of ousden on that shirt'.

I am sure there must be good definitions for:

Two Mile Bottom
Throop
Weeley
Little Clacton and Great Clacton

And good place names for:

The poo that takes out an entire outfit.

The child-related objects (spare pants, raisins, playmobile duchesses) that fall out of your handbag in important business situations.

The face that teenagers pull when you suggest a healthy walk after lunch.

Arpafeelie - the suspicion that a hand on your leg in a crowded bus is deliberate.
Cambo - trying to get your toddler to smile for a photo.
Easter Kinkell - stumbling round a cold, damp garden in the early hours hiding chocolate eggs.

Praze-An-Beeble What competitive mothers do very loudly at piano recitals.

Oh, you are in The Round-Up. Congrats.

:o

Boulby The sensational thrill of discovering and / or the excited anticipation of removing a hardened bogey, firm wodge of earwax, bellybutton lint or even toe crud from a beloved offspring's orifice.

Birstwith The feeling of pride and success when one's thread has appeared in active convo's

Withernsea - a nine year old's scathing look.

@ Arpafeelie and Fenton Pits

Pickering the kind of argument which begins when the elder sibling relentless corrects and informs the younger of her various errors and failings, before things progress into actual physical violence.

Hull the nightamarish hiatus after naptime and before teatime in which it is too early and too late to send a child to bed again.

Can anyone provide me with a name for that moment when 3 cars arrive at a mini roundabout at exactly the same time resulting in a few seconds where they all sit and stare at each other willing someone to go first. I could've done with it earlier...

Huntington. Where the huns hang out fighting over prams.

Goole - chocolatey dribble.

(can you tell I'm using a convenient copy of 'Complete Yorkshire' for inspiration here?)

Waves accross the room at Joan. And yes.

Mallerstang . The frustration you feel when you have inadvertently hit a body part with a mallet.

Loving this thread! We used to read this book under the table in 0-level English, ah, those were the days.

Loving Joan of Argos's Yorkshire inspired offerings.

Shropshire offers plenty of rich pickings too, if I wasn't too pregnant to think - and the Corridor Etiquette section of the original is a definite fave.

Great Chatwell - an unexpectedly popular MN thread?
Church Preen - the thing the WI do the day before Harvest Festival
Pulverbatch - fairy cakes deemed unsuitable even for the school cake stall, and are put out into the garden for the birds?

Ouse - the sensation you get when you feel sperm making a return journey hours after the event. Okay, that's a river and not a place, but perhaps that's actually more apt...

Crossbush - the state of one's lady garden that necessitates a visit to the beautician

Bittadon The accidental use of teeth by a breatfeeding child.

Babeny the bobbly bits of hair on the back on a newborn's head that eventually wear off to reveal:

Monkokehampton the newborn hairstyle featuring hair on top and back with a distinctive band of baldness horizontally around.

Milton Damerel the words emitted upon realisation that yu've run out of steriliser at the same time as holding a Six Mile Bottom nappy

Luxulyan - A pointless 'luxury' version of a boring, everyday product.

Scredda The dried, translucent end of a bit of hard cheese, with teethmarks in where someone has gnawed the last edible scraps off it.

Aberystwyth - the nostalgic daze you go into while remembering how peaceful life was before having children.

Stanford Dingley A hanging bogey of somebody who has been to a top university.
Colthrop Being hit on bare skin by some kind of wet ball.
Clench Is actually a place not too far from me. I've looked on the map for hours hoping there would be a Clench Bottom nearby, but no luck yet!
Tutts Clump A meeting of Netmums' Moderators!

Corry - nest-like dents in sofa left by corpulent middle-aged women after they have spent the best part of a weekend watching the omnibus edition of soap operas

Balgy - crusty, semi-solid snot flicked, missile-like, across the room by bored, floppy-haired teenagers

Totescore - subtle checking-out and mental heirarchy ranking of rival mothers on school run; based solely on the brand, style and probable cost of their handbags

boredonasunday I'd go with Wendling

Suggestions please for:

Barton Bendish
Stow Bardolph
Tydd St Giles
Pode Hole

wetwang - the last little dribble of wee that a potty training boy gets on his pants/waistband of his trousers during an unscheduled emergency outdoor loo stop.