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to think this couple are bonkers

754 replies

SlightlyJaded · 07/10/2010 10:40

So we have got quite friendly with this couple through school. They are both professionals lawyer/banker and seem to have shedloads of money and live in a beautiful house. But I have always thought they are a bit odd - a few strange random comments and slightly bonkers opinions on things, but I don't mind strange and DD gets on well with their DD.

They invited us round to supper at their big posh house the other night and DH and I made a real effort to 'scrub up'. Paid for babysitter, dolled ourselves up and spent more on wine than we ever would at home.

We get there - all fine and lovely. Glass of wine and chit chat - slightly odd topics (sex life of Nomads in Papa New Guinea and a less interesting 15 minutes on Chinese banking but still...), then we sit down at quite a formal dinner table and hostess serves starter of.... tinned soup. We know it's tinned because it's Heniz tomato soup and there are 3 empty cans in bin... That's ok, we like soup and chat away. Hostess starts laughing uncontrollably at something. Host doesn't think this is odd but sits back and wait for her to stop. We smile and ask what's so funny but she just carries on laughing. Then she stops and carries on talking as though nothing had happened. She then makes a bit to-do and hoo-ha about serving up main course of.... macaroni cheese. Not even baked in the oven, just macaroni stirred into a cheese sauce - like I make for DCs. And that's it.

DH and I eat it and try not to catch each others eyes. Nothing is said about the choice of main course other than 'I hope you like macaroni cheese' so I start to wonder if my expectations were too high? And then we get pudding which is a scoop of Neapolitan ice cream out of the tub.

As we leave, host pinches my bottom in full view of everyone and says 'that was fun' and hostess laughs her head off and says 'pinch punch first day of the month' - even though it isn't. And that's it.

DH says they are a bit quirky and to stop going on about it but I think they are mentalists. I'm right aren't I?

OP posts:
ToniSoprano · 08/11/2010 12:17

As Mr Bonkers doesn't like sauce, perhaps you can have a range of ketchups, HP, Daddies etc on the table and stress to everyone that the partaking of these is optional. Am so glad you've invited them back and think cuckoo clock idea is perfect.

What are you going to wear?

I think Mr Bonkers does actually like sauce, he likes it too much, so perhaps you should make sure you dress demurely if you don't want another groping...

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 08/11/2010 12:28

Oh, oh, this is the best thread in the entire internet.

"We've got heaps of bottles if you ever want one"!

OP, can I suggest going completely the other way? Really stupidly posh dinky canapes and then one of those main courses on enormous plates that's about three grams of salmon underneath a bunch of faffy herbs, and something unpronounceable and French for dessert.

But serve it on a plastic fold out table with picnic cutlery and a vinyl tablecloth.

PhishFoodAddiction · 08/11/2010 12:30

Haha, Grin at the cuckoo clock!

Cannot wait to hear how the big night goes.

Please do the tower of scotch eggs! You'd really be spoiling Mr and Mrs Bonkers with a sky high pile of scotch eggs...

pottonista · 08/11/2010 12:39

Please, please, PLEASE make something from here:

www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/10PM/index.html

I particularly liked 'Lemon Float'. Instructions:

  1. Heat a can of bouillon
  2. Pour into glasses
  3. Float a slice of lemon on the top
misdee · 08/11/2010 12:45

i had wondered why this thread was back.

cant wait to see how the OP's dinner turns out.

eeyore2 · 08/11/2010 13:21

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Reading this thread has brightened up my day no end. Not sure what the highlight is, I think maybe the three empty cans of Heinz soup in the bin. Or 'we've got heaps'.
Can we not persuade the OP to go back to her original idea of individual petit filous for dessert???

SlightlyJaded · 08/11/2010 14:17

Oh I wish I wasn't such a coward. I really really want to serve a bonkers menu but every time I think I will, I lose my nerve.

Chipping think I can just about manage Kir Royal and Twiglets as a welcomer with the option of Pom Bears for those that don't like Twiglets maybe?

But am really struggling with the rest.

I am still going with the tiara and have gone ahead and borrowed cuckoo clock though

I love the idea of taking copious notes in full view of guests whilst sitting down to dinner. If they ask what I'm writing, I can just say something really vague like - 'shopping lists, you know how it is....'

Am now worried that they are going to turn up and be completely un-bonkers and that I will have let my fellow MNers down.

OP posts:
SlightlyJaded · 08/11/2010 14:21

Toni outfit? I don't know. Although every bone in my body is screaming Kaftan...

OP posts:
DaftApeth · 08/11/2010 14:22

I can't believe that Isleworth is 'wife swapping' mecca Shock

OP I must live near you. I'm happy to come over for the evening and sit in the corner and take notes.

You could just pretend I was part of the furniture and ignore me all evening Grin

SlightlyJaded · 08/11/2010 14:28

Not Isleworth DaftApeth - less than a mile from Kew but in a different direction...

And honestly, I don't know if they are the 70's Wife Swapping veterans that we have all come to believe that they are (they would have been children in the 70s by the way) or whether their random behaviour and Mr B's pinch has us all barking up the wrong tree.

OP posts:
SyncInProgress · 08/11/2010 14:36

Great to see this thread back in such good form! Enjoy your chic dinner party, SJ.

CheeryCherry · 08/11/2010 14:38

You will have the funniest night - am envious!! You MUST have a beautiful bowl as your table centrepiece, with your car keys at the bottom. And I think I would go OTT with the menu - a masterchef special - at the other end of the scale. (But twiglets and pork scatchings would be appropriate nibble selection) Imagine turning up to a dinner and having spam,kievs and angel delight...hilarious! I might do it to some pals, see their reaction... Keep us posted.

jybay · 08/11/2010 14:40

I can't believe they're swingers. Surely they'd have made more effort with the food if they were grooming you?

I think they're bonkers but is it unintentional or a cunningly-crafted ploy to keep the PTA at bay? Only Thursday will tell...

DaftApeth · 08/11/2010 14:54

I'm not Isleworth either, further into town from there (and much posher, obviously Wink)

Think kaftan is a fab idea.

How about joss sticks?

Pennies · 08/11/2010 14:55

Marking. Fab thread.

proudfoot · 08/11/2010 14:58

I love the idea of taking copious notes in full view of guests whilst sitting down to dinner. If they ask what I'm writing, I can just say something really vague like - 'shopping lists, you know how it is....'

PMSL at this!

ToniSoprano · 08/11/2010 15:18

Slightly - "I love the idea of taking copious notes in full view of guests whilst sitting down to dinner. If they ask what I'm writing, I can just say something really vague like - 'shopping lists, you know how it is....'"

Just snorted out loud at work (in silent room) when I read this...

Think if you're going to wear a kaftan, then you really must mention how much you love Demis Roussos (Abigail's party ref) perhaps you could even play some quietly in the background... pineapple chunks on sticks a must!

FrameyMcFrame · 08/11/2010 15:44

.

ToniSoprano · 09/11/2010 09:21

SHIT !!! - has anyone heard of Dinner for Schmucks? Think maybe you've been had, Jaded?

Look at this:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinner_for_Schmucks

FoundWanting · 09/11/2010 09:42

.

Horton · 09/11/2010 11:57

Not Isleworth DaftApeth - less than a mile from Kew but in a different direction...

North Sheen? If so, I am scared.

jybay · 09/11/2010 12:30

Hmm, the soundtrack needs careful thought. How about "The wheels on the Bus" on a loop?

Pennybubbly · 09/11/2010 12:31

Am actually crying with laughter now. This is beyond hilarious and I want to meet this utterly UTTERLY bizarre couple.

Bearing in mind the whole no-sauce theme, how about serving a pile of toast on a platter, then having in the centre of the table one of those little baskets like they have in pubs filled with sauces, mayonnaise, vinegar etc.

Then you and DP dive in and pile a whole host of tasty toppings onto your toast, hysterically laughing all the while. And dont forget to say hope you like toast`.

To drink, dilute orange.
For pudding, a packet of Nice biscuits. Or those pink wafer things. Again, served on a platter.

Too OTT?

ApricotWorms · 09/11/2010 19:29

jybay Tue 09-Nov-10 12:30:22
Hmm, the soundtrack needs careful thought. How about "The wheels on the Bus" on a loop?

That would be so funny and utterly bizarre

SlightlyJaded · 09/11/2010 19:54

I have been thinking about soundtrack and there are options....

  1. Wheels on the Bus. We have a number of chidlren's CDs that would serve this purpose - probably the best being a cover version of every irritating children's programme you can imagine, including Bob the Builder and Dora
  1. Something utterly unexpected and dire - Elaine Paige sings your favourite broadway hits?
  1. Europop/house. And turned up slightly too loud so we have to lean in and raise voices to talk.
  1. A medley of depressing indie band/Emo teenage angst
  1. And my personal favourite would be 'Hooked on Classics' This was an appalling 'mix' of famous classical pieces set to an electronic beat which was a massive best seller in the early 80s. I remember my parents having the casette and to this day, I still expect Flight of the Bumblebee to 'mix' into Bethoven's Fifth when I ever I hear it....
  1. Final option. Very ethnic percussion and wailing style album played on a loop.
OP posts:
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