Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Mumsnet campaigns

For more information on Mumsnet Campaigns, check our our Campaigns hub.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

We Believe You: we're launching our rape awareness campaign today.

530 replies

KateMumsnet · 09/03/2012 15:56

Today, we're very proud to be launching a new campaign. It's called 'We Believe You', and it's inspired by the many MNers who've asked us to speak out about the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women's lives.

While we're at it, we're going to try to explode, once and for all, some pernicious myths about rape - about who does it, what it is, and whom it can happen to. These myths mean that many victims are denied justice: our survey confirmed that most don't report their rape or sexual assault, for fear of being disbelieved.

So the message of our campaign is in the title - we believe you. We hope MNers will get behind it, and spread that message far and wide - on Facebook, and on Twitter, using the hashtag #webelieveyou. And don't forget to let us know what you think here on this thread.

We're also giving a shout-out to Rape Crisis, the End Violence Against Women coalition, and Barnardo's - all of whom are supporting our campaign. They all work hard on sexual violence issues - either by supporting those who've experienced it, or campaigning for better prevention strategies - so do see if you can help them out.

MNHQ x

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 12/03/2012 13:07

CPS supporting MN campaign

TBE · 12/03/2012 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justalittleinsane · 12/03/2012 13:13

george, thats a terrible thing to happen to your sister, I have seen the legal system referred to as a "double rape", it must be even more traumatic, a not guilty verdict.

18 months is a disgusting timescale.

The rate once in court is around 58%, getting to court is a massive hurdle of its own, as govt cuts strike deep and only cases were there is strong chance of conviction actually get to court.

This is the first link I can find, but it is well documented.

here.

PattiMayor · 12/03/2012 13:17

You're a very brave woman, Mary. So glad you have come through your horrific experiences

georgedawes · 12/03/2012 13:47

I can't praise Rape Crisis highly enough. If anyone is affected by sexual violence (even if you don't think of it in that way), please try to call them. They will listen, they will believe you, they do understand.

PacificDogwood · 12/03/2012 13:52

Just adding my applause at getting this campaign off the ground. Well done, MNHQ!

So many horrible stories here Sad. You should all be proud of being survivors of such trauma.

justalittleinsane · 12/03/2012 13:52

New Pathways another excellent service for victims of abuse.

SkaterGrrrrl · 12/03/2012 13:53

Thank you for this campaign Mumsnet. I have a baby daughter and hope we will have changed our attitudes to rape by the time she is a teenager. x

georgedawes · 12/03/2012 13:54

I wouldn't report it if it happened to me. Whether we like it or not, reporting a rape to the police means the victim (and their family and friends) are on trial. The main chance the rapist has of walking free is for their barrister to undermine the victim and the other witnesses. Like it or not, this is what happens.

My sister had witnesses who saw her after the attack. They were all ridiculed in court. Why would people put themselves through that because of jealousy (as the defence team argued)? Why would they be ridiculed in open court and then have to live with it for the rest of their lives that if they had said X or done Y perhaps he would have been convicted. I really do think that actually he (and men like him) are actually encouraged by the low conviction rates.

I don't want to sound too much like I am attacking the police, by the way. They made mistakes in our experience, but they did believe my sister. The problem lies with society, with the perception of rape and women in general.

Please understand - rape is about power and control, not men getting carried away.

StewieGriffinsMom · 12/03/2012 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mouseface · 12/03/2012 14:10

I think that's the key here Pacific - 'survivors'

We are aren't we? All of us here, posting are the ones who survived. The thing is, there are those who do not survive rape and/or abuse.

I can't even begin to imagine how the families and friends of those victims must feel. Then again, there of women who I have spoken to about rape and abuse who have said that they wish they'd died instead of having to live through the hell, memories, horror, blame, self loathing, the shame, the feeling of being damaged goods, the insecurities.........

When I left, I was scared to death that I'd bump into him all the time. I did once, I walked into him and almost vomited there and then.

He had the gall to ask after my DD. He asked how she was. Apparently, a friend told me that for years he had a picture of her (my DD) on his mantel piece, he told people that she was his DD and that he's 'lost her' when I left him.

My blood ran cold when I found that out.

The best thing I ever did was to open up and talk about it. Once I did, I found that I saw him as ugly and small. I found that the power he held over me was ebbing away.

I'd see him, not up close, I'd see him in his car and wonder what I ever saw in him.

But at the time, he had complete control over me. He'd groomed me for months before the first rape. He was the one to rape me first, his friend came later on.

By that time, I had become withdrawn, he'd cocooned me into his world, he held every part of me in his control. He promised every time that it was the last, that he was sorry, so so sorry.

It didn't stop. Not until I left.

Kveta · 12/03/2012 14:19

yes, we are suvivors Mary - not victims!

I was raped by my then-boyfriend, and the following day, asked him why he'd done it. He never answered as such, but said he didn't hear me say no. Despite the bruises I left on him... He was so well liked by everyone around us, and so well respected, I didn't dare say anything to anyone. I was 17 FFS, who would believe a 17 year old girl over her 17 year old boyfriend (who happens to be captain of all the school teams/clubs/headboy/army cadet etc etc)?

And what 17 year old is strong enough to tell her parents that she has had sex even when some of it is non-consensual?

I spent a long time being terrified I'd bump into him, or seeing someone who looked like him and having a panic attack. Once I'd told a few people what had happened to me though (7 years later!) I started to feel much better about myself and much more like I would laugh in his pathetic face if I saw him again.

I just listened to the Jeremy Vine discussion on this campaign and was reduced to tears to hear other women describing why they didn't tell anyone.

And it brought it home to me why this campaign is so desperately needed.

MardyBra · 12/03/2012 14:24

Great campaign MNHQ.

So sorry to hear so many sad stories.

mummymccar · 12/03/2012 14:29

Thank you for this campaign MN. When I saw the title it brought a tear to my eye - during the aftermath of what happened to me I remember wanting just one person to look me in the eye and say 'I believe you'. It would have given me so much more strength.

AliceHurled · 12/03/2012 14:45

Thanks mumsnet Thanks

PlinkPasta · 12/03/2012 14:57

Thanks thankyou

MmeLindor. · 12/03/2012 15:11

Great campaign MN. Am totally behind it.

Mary
massive kudos to you for talking to the Indie about your experiences. That must have been hard for you.

Nyac · 12/03/2012 15:19

It really does say so much for Mumsnet that you're paying attention to the people who post here and reflecting what you've heard in Mumsnet's campaigns.

Also, your ability to launch campaigns and generate large amounts of media coverage is incredibly impressive. And you don't even have to dress up in Spiderman outfits to do it.

FruitShootsAndHeaves · 12/03/2012 15:25

I couldn't do the survey. I tried but I just couldn't finish it.

Feel a bit guilty now as my experience is nowhere near as bad as some of the others I have read or heard about.

I think it's a great campaign but I can understand why many victims don't report a rape or sexual assault.

Twit · 12/03/2012 15:33

Great news! You have my support, I will go and read the thread now and good luck. Smile

Am I reading this wrong, or should it be without ?
'We hope this campaign will succeed in showing just how many lives have been blighted by sexual violence. We hope it will explode the myth that most rapes are carried out by strangers, and that the testimony of women who have been raped by men they know should be viewed with suspicion. We hope it will show that there is no 'typical' rape survivor, and reassure those who have experienced rape that it's never your fault.'

KatieMumsnet · 12/03/2012 16:16

Hi All

Just wanted to say thank you for all the kind comments Blush. We really wanted to do you all proud with this campaign - and of course couldn't have done it without you - so it really does mean a lot to know it means a lot to you (if that's not too confusing).

Thought you might also like to know that we've got the Crown Prosecution Service's Director, Keir Starmer, coming in for a live webchat at 0930 tomorrow morning, so pop over http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_live_events/1426525-Live-webchat-with-Keir-Starmer-Director-of-Public-Prosecutions-Tuesday-13-March-9-30-10-30am and do ask a question if you have one.

Best

MNHQ

AnyFucker · 12/03/2012 16:24

Fruit hope you are ok, I am sure you are not the only one who found the survey triggered a few really bad feelings

if I could "like" Nyac's post just now, I would Smile

AyeRobot · 12/03/2012 16:37

Well done, Katie, all the brave contributors and MN. Katie, was that you I heard speaking with such clarity about this on 5Live this am?

Piece of advice - don't read any of the comments under any article about this, unless you want to confirm to yourself why this campaign in necessary.

Oooh, Keir Starmer. I have lots of questions for him - will post later.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 12/03/2012 16:39

Thank you MN. This is a great campaign. Thanks

Slubberdegullion · 12/03/2012 16:50

Thank you MN.

Swipe left for the next trending thread