Merly, its catch22. You feel rough and rougher when you can't top the eating problem.....
Like Momma et al, my three have gone through stages and phases. At long last (DD1 is 8 and the DTs nearly 5) they are finally all beginning to eat what I make without too much complaint. There is always someone who doesn't like something on the plate but they now know they can leave that one thing to the side and they are more adventurous and open to new stuff now. It will come eventually.
Things I found helpful when I was banging my head off a wall with frustration.....I read it can take about 20 offerings of a food before its accepted. Kids taste buds are much stronger than adults so everything tastes stronger to them.
My best advice would be to take the path of least resistance. Make a list of what he will eat and don't sweat it. Give him that. Let him be. It will take all the pressure off both of you. When he is older, and of a better age to understand and bargain with you, you can change this. On nights you have the patience, you could always bargain that he eats two bits of sweetcorn before he gets the pasta - not with an angry voice but with a fake cheery one. (I remember me, DP, DT1 and DD1 clapping and whooping and making a right old noise the night DT2 ate a spoonful of peas. He hated every second but we cheered like wallies so he would clearly get the message he had been a star!)
I am a fan of good old-fashioned bribery. Once my children were about 3.5 or 4 it was easier to say "sorry, no pudding because you didn't eat the peas". They were allowed to leave the veg and eat, say, the pasta but they weren't allowed anything else until a few mouthfuls of veg went in. I didn't make them eat loads of veg, just about 3 mouthfuls. It was enough for them to know there was a deal happening.
My DS has never really eaten meat or fish. I have finally got him round to some meats and some fish....he'll eat tuna and smoked haddock so I include that in his diet and on nights we're having, say, salmon, he has his fail safe (porage).
My children will eat lots of fruit and veg now but not at the ages your children are at the mo. Don't give up on it but its not worth the stress truly. Just play games with him about it on the days/nights you feel you can. Otherwise, give yourself a break xxxxxx.
Grapes are good. It might seem a tiny bit cruel (and certainly don't say it out loud to them) but you can always let him eat his grapes at the table and let the other DT eat his strawberry/pear/apple on your knee. You can make lots of mmmmm noises and giggling and saying how yum it is. If he doesn't feel he is being told off, he might just make a decision he wants some of the fun and the attention. Important not to mention it in words though or it could be a blatant "I love him not you" message.
Darling, the important thing is not to give up. AND to only deal with it when you can. He has plenty time to develop a solid diet. Plenty.
Another thing that helped me was to think of the quality of food they have had over a week not a day. If he's had grapes every day and you've managed a mouthful of peas on Tuesday and a bit sweetcorn or Sunday, thats progress even if its been Muller rice all the other days.
And once you have got in the message that its two spoons of peas before pasta, its done, it won't change back. It becomes currency.
Make your steps smaller. Give yourself more slack.
And show me one mother who feels she is doing it perfectly. If she exists, then she probably has a team behind her, airbrushing her life.
Go Merly!