Twins misbehaving!!!!!

[groovychick2]

Why is it that my 5yr old identical boys are good as gold at school,at friends houses,tennis club etc. but mess me and my husband around and like to embarrass us when ever the opportunity arises?At times I just want to crawl under the nearest rock-when can I go somewhere without everyone knowing that we are all there!I can only remember their older brother showing us up once or twice at that age.Does anyone have any advice on the best way to deal with this?

they have figured life out I would say

angels at school and when it matters, devils (and letting their hair down) at home!

(sorry no advice - what sort of things are they doing?)

They are doing what ever they know they shouldnt in a given situation.They are extremely loud and not at all shy. Will be cheeky to people who encourage this by politely smiling through gritted teeth!Trivial stuff really. I think they know I am probably quite shy and know how to get under my skin!

It's because they feel relaxed with you at home-which is a compliment to you..it means that they are not scared of you...which means you must be good parents ;)

that is what i was told anyway.

and of course they are twins and they have teamed up together against you and your dh.....all part of the fun of being a twin.

have fun!

Thank you Idobelieveinfairies you have made me feel better now. When I asked the school for some advice they suggested I went on a parenting course!That didnt make me feel better!!!

Thank you Idobelieveinfairies you have made me feel better now. When I asked the school for some advice they suggested I went on a parenting course!That didnt make me feel better!!!

Message withdrawn

On the plus side at least yours are well behaved at school and (sorry just had to enforce time out in porch for spitting on floor incident) at tennis etc. Mine are nightmare all over the place. One is on 'traffic lights' at school....they started school 3 weeks ago.

Are they boys?? Identical?? I once read that ID boys are most likely to make their mothers cry with despair. I sympathise. Sometimes I find the only way to get through to them is to withdraw from them completely. I think they are so competitive,even when it comes to my attention no matter how fair I try to be!! Exhausting!

Just had another thought- my boys had a few teething problems when they started school. I suggested although they are in one class that they be put in different groups for maths etc. This obviously helped! Trouble is you cant separate them at home can you?

As a twin myself the only thing I can suggest is divide and rule, dont let them gang up on you, treat them as individuals and discipline them individually, it will be easier for you and more effective for them.

Believe me-this is a lot easier said than done!!

Yes boys and yes ID.

Nightmare, was met at school gates by the teacher and the TA one holding hand of each boy. They are fighting continuously at school. Seems mainly to be one almost 'bullying' the other, resulting in bruises etc. I guess I have a v high threshold for that sort of thing, as i think the were fighting in the womb! Trouble is teacher is concerned. Im embarassed now and have agreed to meet the teacher for a 'chat' after school on monday. Wondering now if i should have sent them to a different school where they would have been in separate classes...

I think many people dont appreciate how wearing they can be! My boys regularly physically fight and they are both as bad as each other. I'm surprised they have never severley injured one another!! I approached their teacher last year for some advice as I was at my wits end and the Head butted in and suggested I went on a parenting course!Thanks very much-it wasnt even a twin parenting course! Even when I try and do all the "right" things it still doesnt seem to work!!My older son was never this draining!!There are glimpses of better behaviour at home now(they are nearly 6)but not as often as I'd like.Also since they have been back school they have deteriorated again. Reckon they work so hard being good for teacher let rip when they get home! I also find that it is mainly one of them who starts things off!!Do you think they would want to go to different schools & would that be feasible for you??Good luck with the dreaded meeting on Monday.Why do they tell you now so you have to stew over it all weekend!!Let me know how things go.Do they drive you mad at home too?

Good to know that your older son wasnt the same. I think it is a twin thing.

So funny the teacher said the same to me!when i said I wasnt sure how to get them to stop fighting she suggested a parenting class.

Its sooooo annoying as I consider myself a fairly good parent ie 'no' really does mean no. They eat anything,can take them to restaurants, are polite, loving, intelligent etc but just very, very physical with each other. I bet 99% of people would struggle with my two!

I had a nightmare with them before as they were biting each other at about 10 months. Obviously distressing - so after everything i had tried to get them to stop had failed i asked the HV - he said in all his wisdom 'they'll grow out of it'!!!! And they did but it wasnt til they were 3!

Are yours in the same class at school?
I think mine would hate to be in diff schools, but sometimes you think they must really want to have some time apart. Small village so only one class per age. So would have to take one out and put in nearby village school. Dont think that would really be an option.

Might be moving next year back down south - so could be good time to make sure they can attend a school where they can be in separate classes.

Im off down south for the weekend - DH is in charge.

I was told that my boys would"grow out" of their challenging behaviour too! Yes but when...? I think because there are 2 of them they encourage each other and everything is magnified for us parents! I sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells wondering what will happen today! Mine are in the same class at school but I suggested that they be in different groups for maths etc. so they are not always looking what the other is doing. I agree that a lot of it is to do with being so close knit. Like they have this intense love hate relationship! Have a good weekend-Dont forget to go back!!

Aaaaarg. Well think i made an a*se of myself in the chat with the teacher.
Typical me stew all weekend on the implication that I am a useless parent - then say all the wrong things. Hard not to get defensive.

I have been thinking about you!! What happened? I think teachers are great at making you feel inferior. I try and avoid interaction with them as much as possible! My husband says they are just normal people with degrees like other people-they just think they know it all!

Was nervous for starters then got really defensive when she started talking about having the behaviour support person share tips with me. Which i interpreted as 'you need parenting lessons'. Which is infuriating to me. So then i started going on about my Msc (i think where i was going with that is.. that am educated, therefore have read all the parenting books -tried everything out already etc) which now makes me cringe , why did i rise to the bait? And not just calmly say 'Oh they are fine at home, cant you cope with them, what are you going to do about it then?' Which is rather annoyingly probably what DH would have said. I blame being SAHM for too long, losing the ability to actually converse!

Oh I can sooo relate to everything you are saying! I prefer my husband to see teachers where poss but when you are there picking them up at home time there is no escaping them is there? I hope they will settle down soon. I always like to think that the more challenging they are the brighter the child???

Groovy thanks for your replies - its sooooo nice to know that there are others in exactly the same boat.

Funnily enough the teacher did say 'they are very bright' so i think that could be it.

Also they are v young (youngest in school) and with the scottish system that means they are in a class with children who could be up to 1 and quarter years older than them. So some of it must just be maturity level.

Anyway sorry for hijacking your thread about how to get them to behave. Obviously no ideas there! If you do find a way to make twins behave well at all times (and its legal) do please let me know.

I have often considered tying them up in different parts of the house but dont think I could get away with that!! Keep in touch and let me know if things improve.