Oh Gawd I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooup!!! Sat by this phone all day waiting to hear news from the hospital, kids all went off to school in tears when they woke up and Dad wasnt at home, phoned the ward at 9am to be told he has one bag of blood to go, finish about 1pm! He phoned me at 11am , so fed up, so low. Then I phoned again at 4pm, he was waiting to go for an endoscopy, he was really fed up by then and just wanted to come home. At 8pm he phoned me, the endoscopy showed nothing in his stomach, no bleed. His consultant we saw yesterday had been to see him and said it would be post operative stomach ulcers and had already written him out a prescription and said he could come home after the endoscopy. So, he has to stay in, will possibly need more blood, and tomorrow they will start again, do a camera job up his backside and a ct scan, what we <strong>dont want is for them to have to open him up to look around, that will set him back for his chemo starting. On top of al this my brother phoned me at 7.30pm to tell me that his lovely fil had died, a very lovely man who we are all very fond of, had an anureasm, cant spell it, and died indoors in front of his wife, blood went everywhere, horrible end for such a lovley man, and now it seems that dear Ojs Steve is slipping away soon, its all so very unfair and cruel. I cannot sleep, have terrible pain in my back, feel as though I am going to die, fatigued and unsettled and my mind is going round in circles. Its gone 1am and I have to get all three up early as they are going on a taster sailing day, three of this, three of that etc etc etc!!! Sorry girls, no-one here to talk to, afraid to go to bed because I feel something is going to happen to me, no sleeping pills or I would take one. What have I done in this life to be dealt such a rotten hand???