Hello - 11+3 pg with triplets - still in shock

[Honeymama]

Naturally conceived, no history of multiples in either family, and we already have a 2yr old daughter - so rather surprised and if I'm honest, not entirely happy. We only wanted one more to complete our family, plus I'm 37 so hardly fresh as a daisy! Still early days so I'm still swaying from thinking we could manage three more, to thinking it would be ridiculous to attempt it. But until we see the consultant on Monday we don't really have a clue what our options are - except the two very obvious ones - keep or don't keep.

Sorry if I sound a bit negative but hormones are all over the shop, my mw is on holiday, only found out when away from home due to a bleed so there's been no support so far. Parents are saying they'll support us whatever we choose but have been making fairly obvious comments like "well, if you were younger and it was your first pg..." and "you can say you miscarried, everyone will understand" etc etc which isn't very helpful. Not sure what I want to hear but I'm finding online forums the only place where I can let it out - we haven't told any friends yet so I feel rather isolated.

Thanks for listening x

Hi Honeymama - I have very little experience of multiple births (sister has twins), but I know that there are others on here who have much more experience.

I know that my sister found TAMBA (Twins and multiple births association) really useful.

no advise, but can imagine the shock. Good luck "either way"

wow, congratulations! A shock I can imagine!

Come and join the other multiples mum on the "D'ya..." thread (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1216/448223 ). There are several others with triplets (one pregnant with Tr at the moment and one with Triplets and twins!). When I found out I was having twins the other multiple mums were really a huge support. They will help you realise the impossible is possible!

multiples thread

There will be others along very soon to help pull you in the right direction.

Time to change my name I think !

Congratulations Honeymama! I have twins and had a very similar reaction when I found out, so can only imagine what a state you must be in. Come join us as leo said, we will help you through it and there is living proof there that it is possible to be a mum of multiples and retain at least a little sanity

Hi Honeymama - Congratulations! Not a multiple mum here, but when I was younger the family across the street had exactly the same set-up - triplet girls, with an older sister 2 years older. (Needless to say they stopped at that!).
Things were always noisy but great fun at their house- I think they had help from grannys in the early days, but not much once girls started school. They were all 3 completely different looking too so you may get a surprise!

Come and find us on the multiples, we are a crazy friendly bunch. Lots of love to you. I have twins but it was a triplet pregnancy till i was 15 weeks, i was at Uni and not in a relationship so was incredibly scared at the time. They are 9 now and i have gone on to have 4 more children since!!! So it is definately no bad thing

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. This definitely seems like a good forum to be on!

You guys all seem amazing mums and whilst I know I could do it if needs be, it's really whether me and my dh want to (want is not quite the right word). We wouldn't be able to stay in the area as it's too expensive for houses (we're currently in a 2bed flat), dh works for himself and is petrified about either having to work and not help me out, or stay at home with us all and not have any money coming in. Our parents live miles away (in both directions) so it's not just as simple as 'deal with what we've been given'. Lots to think about and you are all very inspirational

HM, this happened to someone I know (unplanned pregnancy resulting in triplets).

Her dcs are lovely and while I'm sure it is hard work, she doesn't seem as fazed by it as you would expect.

If you decide to go ahead, get as much support lined up as you can - talk to your HV, Homestart should be able to help if they are in your area, if there is a local college running childcare courses they may be able to get one of the students to help you for free as part of their work experience.

hi honeymama!! and congratulations!!

I am a mum of triplets and it is not as frightening as it sounds,so please,please don't worry!!

I am sure whatever decision you decide to make will be the one that is right for you.

There is lots of support out there for mums with multiples. When mine were born I had students queuing up at the door to help out when DH went to work,surestart is another good one,they offer visits from people that are compatible with your family to help out.

I choose to go it alone(because I'm stubbornand looking back I wish i had taken the help)but you can have as much or as little help as you need.

It is strange because they sort of merge into one baby and after a while you forget they are triplets. If I'm out with mine and I see someone else with triplets i get so excited to see three babies,then I remind myself that so do I!!!! LOL

There are quite a few options that will be disscussed with you and you need to take all the information in and sit with it for a while.

It is a huge shock,but please come over to the mulitples thread and see that we haven't all gone completely mad by it all

i have twins and can undertand the shock

what i can say to you is this.

whatevver your decison and whatever happens throughout your pregnancy mumsnet will be able to guide you all the way.

have you enquired about getting someone to help you?

i dont know if the rules have hanged as its many many moons ago - but i did enquire when i was expecting the twins as i had a 3 yr old, and was told if it was triplets that i would get a home help type of person to help with washing and stuff.

worth asking about anyway - they can only say no!

also might be worth finding out if there is a "homestart" or a "surestart" in your area as these can be really hlpful

these vary from area to area but y dh used to work for sure start and he introduced a a "baby bulk buy" scheme he went off to boots and bought the nappies in bulk - got the points which helped knock the price down and was able to give then to the community at much cheap rates.

they could also help with beastfeeding support

we have breast feedin threads here - so if you want help feeding triplets just ask

Hi Honeymama,
It is a shock when you find out, esp as its a natural conception, you are bound to be confused and worried about the cost and coping. You won`t know me but I lost my only child in 94, he would be 29 this year. After trying ivf I gave birth to triplets in 98, I was almost 46! So here we are in a house far too small, I am 56 in March, my husband is 67 on the 17th and my trio will be 10 on the 27th! Its exhausting I asmit, frustrating, and expensive, but you know, you feel sooooooo special having given birth to three, and of course its three times the love and joy. Keep with us, as already said we will all be here for you what ever you decide, take care. xx

Honeymama - I have no multiple experience whatsoever (although I am awaiting dating scan and hoping there is just 1) but just wanted to say I can imagine how shocked you must feel.
You'll find great support here on MN though

I don't have experience of mulitples myself (although sister had natural twins) but for what it's worth, there are a lot of people out in the Interweb that have dealt with this on blogs. I know specifically of one woman who went through a reduction from quads to a singlet b/c of similar concerns to yours along with some health issues. Check out her blog. Not to say that is what you want or will do, but it's a resource for you.

Once you've spoken to your consulant you may feel you have more of a handle on your options and can take a bit of time to think about what is best for you and your family.

Whatever your decision there is support for you here.

Thank you all again. Particularly for the blog reference - it's the kind of information I was searching for. Roll on Monday (and Weds for nuchal scan) - hopefully we'll have information to make the right decisions.

Honeymama, stay strong, do join us on the "d'y ever wonder......." thread. Its out 10th or 11th thread for us multiple mums to offload our worries, cry out our wrinkled eyes, and laugh til our bellies ache. We will take very good care of you, we will always listen, we will never, ever say the stuff that you are about to hear over and over and over from people who haven't had a multiple birth.........we might even send parcels xxx.

Blog of a British family with triplets.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Honeymama, can totally understand that the news has come as a shock - only you will be able to decide what is best for your situation. Having said all that, I was not exactly thrilled at the idea of having twins but now would not change it for all teh world, i really wouldn't. I know that twins are not the same as triplets but some of the issues / worries are probably very similar. Good luck with whatever you deide to do.

Hi Honeymama, as you can see lots of the other multiple mums have urged you to come over the multiples thread where we chat and offer advice etc (I only take advice currently mind you). I am 36 weeks pregnant with twins, and have a son who is only 22 months. Am expecting to have three children instead of one within the next couple of weeks .

Also conceived naturally and a massive shock, although I imagine triplets is even more shocking. Just make sure you keep in touch with TripleyTigger, triplets and tripletsandtwins, plus there is also another lady called chuffed who is expecting triplets and is a few weeks ahead of you.

Good luck with the nuchal scan etc .

Hi Honeymama

My DD1 was 13 months when we conceived, totally naturally, and totally unplanned, our identical girl twins. She was 20 months when they were born. We were horror struck by the thought of two new babies and I wouldn't deny that it was, and still can be, hard work (and that's just twins) but I get so much joy from my girls now, I wouldn't change it for the world.

here's another blog which might be useful for you. The parents were members of TAMBA and, although they didn't have an older child like you, their pregnancy was a complete surprise - all 3 girls are identical. Have a look at the TAMBA website/message board as well (unfortunately you have to join to be able to post now but this might be worth doing if you decide to proceed with the pregnancy). There's also a confidential support line which I'm sure you can use without being a member to get some advice on your situation.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do - all the best for the scans next week.

here's a link to the twinline page on the TAMBA website. The first quote sounds like it comes from someone in your situation!

Also, there's a book by a comedienne called Jackie Clune who has triplets (and an older girl, although I think she was only just over 1 when they were born). It's worth a read if you decide to go ahead. Extreme Motherhood.

Hi honey.

Just wanted to say hello and to say that there are a few triplet mums here (they post regularly on the d'y ever wonder threads).

Please come and join us. I am a mere mother of twins. One of our motley crew ladies has 3 year old triplets and just given birth to twins... but let's not scare you off at the get go!

Whatever you decide, please keep posting. MN is a fantastic, supportive resource.