Found out it's twins and I can't cope

[Namechange122333]

Name changed for this. I've just found out I'm expecting twins and I can't stop crying. I was worried enough already about how we would manage, I have a 3 year old and a DSD already. I found 1 newborn a huge struggle, I was already worried about managing a second. I won't cope with twins. We don't have the space, we can't afford to move to a bigger house. We can't afford 2 sets of childcare at once. It's all a mess and I feel awful for not being happy.

I don't know what to do.

Oh, don't get me wrong, they fight. An instant sibling from the start to irritate, poke, and run off with their favourite toy, or whip a biscuit from the others hand. This is 5% of the time. And honestly, it's quite funny. Seeing one bolt down the hallway, waving a biscuit, victorious as the other zips past a few seconds after, to get their biscuit back

oh this did make me laugh @MollysDolly I have nearly 3 year old twin girls. One of my girls is quite a bit smaller, so she really only has speed as her advantage. When she does manage to prize something out of her sisters hand she legs it down the hallway to the kitchen. I'm actually sat her chuckling about it. Then if her sister doesn't manage to catch her, she'll come running back into the living room 10 seconds later laughing her head off whilst her sister screeches.

Yes twins are hard, but they are also hilarious, amazing, a bond like no other, even when arguing.

My girls start school next September and I'm caught between crossing the days off the calendar and then wringing my hands and thinking nooooooo I don't want them to go, I'll miss them too much

Honestly having twins is amazing - I'd do it all again tomorrow! I don't find it particularly hard but I do have an older child so am much more confidant this time around

Financially yeah it's horrendous.....here's what we did.....took a 10 year bank loan out for £25k to cover 3 years of childcare (full time as I'm the main earner) - repayments per month are manageable. My twins are with a childminder which is almost half the cost of a nursery - they are On a term time only contract to save money (I'm not a teacher but negotiated it with the childminder). Childminder is signed up to the tax free childcare account so whatever I pay in the government adds 25%

"Oh, don't get me wrong, they fight. An instant sibling from the start to irritate, poke, and run off with their favourite toy, or whip a biscuit from the others hand. This is 5% of the time. And honestly, it's quite funny. Seeing one bolt down the hallway, waving a biscuit, victorious as the other zips past a few seconds after, to get their biscuit back."

This reminds me of the stories told by my goddaughter's mum - my goddaughter is one of twins - my friend already had three aged 5 and under when the twins arrived - and my goddaughter was a faster learner than her brother.

When she could crawl, and he couldn't, she'd crawl down to his end of the cot, steal his dummy, and crawl away with it. She learned to walk before he did, so she'd nick his toys and walk off - sadly for her, he could crawl faster than she could walk, so he'd zip off after her, pull her down by the seat of her trousers, and get his toy back.

They are grown up now and are still the best of friends.

You're got this. Sending huge hugs, it's such a huge shock!

I found out I was pregnant with twins back in March, single and with a 2 year old and let me tell you I CRIED. I spent the first 2 months just crying and so depressed on the couch. I'm ashamed to admit that there were times in the first month where I seriously considered ending the pregnancy because I couldn't see how I could possibly manage physically, emotionally or financially.

Now they're here (10 weeks old) and somehow everything really has worked out. I hated it when people told me that but it's true. I work but managed to get some benefits specifically because it was a multiple birth so that helps, and universal credit will also pay up to 85% of childcare costs

I was in the process of moving to a 2 bedroom house which was already going to be a squeeze with a toddler, but again we will just manage. As it stands right now all of them are sleeping in with me anyway and the second bedroom is purely for decoration! The babies have shared a cotbed (since it's bigger than a regular cot) since they came home from the hospital and will do until they physically can't anymore, and someone will just have to sleep in my bedroom until my older DC is big enough for a bunk bed/mid-sleeper so I can fit all 3 in one bedroom, or until I can afford to move to a bigger house (probably 5+ years away!)

You DON'T need two of everything, I've picked up everything I can from friends/family or Facebook groups.

And to agree with someone else, if I could choose to have another set of twins tomorrow I would jump on it. It's not as scary once they're here I promise you.

You've got this!

@Namechange122333

OP how are you? Are you feeling a little better? (You're not, I know you're not, it all seems so impossible before you see the lovely reality)

Just wanted to wish you, your family, and the two beans, the very merriest of Christmases, and to promise you, you're in for the best of times xx

Get in touch with the the Twins Trust. They offer discounts plus advice on anything you may be in need of.

You’ll all be OK. Let the dust settle. You don’t need everything figured out right now.

Just a thought - how much bigger is your room compared to DS? I assume twins will be with you in your room anyway, but at one point maybe you could have three kids in your bedroom and you move into where DS currently sleeps? How is your downstairs space, could you switch something else around?

It’s ok to feel like you do. But you are about to create the most incredible happy big family.