always feeling guilty

[weepy]

I absolutely adore my twins who are now 5 months old but I am getting more and more fed-up as I constantly feel guilty. They are really alert during the day and want stimulation and entertainment and I am at the end of my tether. I am completely knackered as I dont have much help with them and I feel so guilty if I dont entertain them. I also feel really guilty if I am playing or holding one as the other one seems to stare at me jealously but I dont have enough hands to permanently be cuddling them both. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am to have them and how lovely it must be but some days I get really frustrated because they are so demanding and then I feel even more guilty because I know I am lucky to have such lovely babies. Does anyone else feel like this?

Hi weepy
I am so relieved that we had the last of our tickets through for disney the other day. I just hope now that nothing goes wrong or it will be all my fault. I have tried to get loads of tips off different forums and feel quite prepared it really has been something to escape with. I just hope that I can like you say find something else to do when we come home!

We had a really awful weekend as my grandad died on saturday. It wasnt totally unexpeceted but I don't think any of us thought that he would pass away so soon. He got told he had lung cancer but was being seen to get him started on chemo. So it has been a really upsetting weekend. The good thing was that today I had a councelling session arranged so managed to talk about my Grandad. Lots of tears! I just hope now that I can give my mum some support although I feel drained. My mum has always been there for me but I have been trying over the last few months to appear strong as she has been so worried about my Grandad. She was on her own with my grandad when he died. I saw my grandad and he looked really peaceful just as if he was asleep. Much more peaceful than my nan.

Anyway I've got to go for now.

With regards to my dh going away to study I just now that I will use mumsnet more than ever!

Bye for now.

Hope to hear how you are since your mum has returned home.

T2C - really sorry to hear about your grandad. No such thing as an "expected" death etc, it's still always a shattering event. I don't know about you but since having kids I feel particularly spooked about death and mortality anyway so I am feeling sad for you. hope all is well.

I am sure you will all be thrilled to learn that the fish is back in its tank and appears to be ok - obviously dh played no part in this exercise other than a passing comment last night that the filter looked like it wasn't working properly. Grrrrrrr. Tonight he had to stay late at work so he didn't get in until half an hour ago. I had a pig of a day because even the the squids were quite good I was nervous about doing the whole bedtime routine on my own. It didn't go too badly and they were asleep by 9pm which is reasonable I guess but I just feel so resentful that I had to do it alone so when he finally got in, shattered and feeling sorry for himself all I could do was snap at him and come upstairs in a huff. I know he wasn't exactly out having fun but it just pisses me off that my bad days pass him by, but his bad days become my bad days too, IFKWIM.

Life on my own without mum here is good and bad as expected. I do feel more freedom to do my own thing, but God I miss that extra pair of hands, especially when I just need to nip out and do something, or when I just need 5 minutes to get on with something. I know I am lucky that the twins are such good babies (on the whole) but I have permanent butterfiles about how the night / day will pan out. Ridiculous I know.

Weepy its not ridiculous at all. I know exactly what you mean. i don't know about the other twin mums on here but i feel from day 1 it has been pretty much a case of surviving each day! Just to get to the end of the day is a great thing in itself!

At the moment I am trying to get started on the packing for our holiday which I am trying to look forward to but feels kind of strange now. My grandads funeral is next monday and we fly out on friday. I feel so bad for my mum as she is doing so much with all the organising of the funeral and sorting my grandads house out as he was in a council place and they don't wait long for you to get organised. When the funeral is over on monday my mum won't have anything else to do and I am so worried about her. Just wish we were around a while longer to help her. Mum was with my grandad when he died and I feel she is holding herself together at the moment and trying to be strong. Just hope my sister will be there whilst we are away.

I also know where you are coming from with regards to dh. My dh has come home from work so many times and gone on and on about his day and made me feel like my day doesn't matter. I have just done the usual so its not worth asking. Too boring i suppose!

I hope you have had a good week Weepy.
Got to get back to the packing now.