Can it be done?

[1becomes3]

Didn't want to bother you on the "D'ya ever wonder" thread with this one.

I have a bit of a dilema here and there is no better equipt to answer than the mothers of multiples.

I'm now due in around 8 weeks, with my Dt's I also have a 19 month DD.
We currently live about 20 mins from my parents and most of my friends.

Dh and I have been offered a brand new house in the Oxfordshire country side in a little village called Uffington (never heard of it? that's because it is tiny mile from anywhere)

All the stamp duty and fee's are going to be paid plus it is worth more than our house will ever be so really it is too good and offer to pass up.

Obviously I have no idea what is instore with the DT's plus a toddler, I don't know if i can cope with being plucked from everything I am used to and dumped in the middle of no where with no family or friends close by.

All this is due to happen a coulpe of weeks after the DT's are born, I guess I just need to know if anyone has not had any support around them while trying to bring up 3 under 2's?
Or anything similar?

Thanks for your time.

Sorry no advice, but will BUMP for you

Hi, i had my dt when my ds1 was 2 and to be honest when you've had one baby already i think it's a lot easier as you know what to with a baby, but i stuck to ds1's routine and didn't move house! i was 5 weeks early and i think that's about average for twins so that's an issue. tbh i don't know what you should do but the house sounds fab. I pop my 3 in the micra(!) and drive for miles and it's ok so a small village needn't be the end of the world. Can family come and support you - can dh take time off work if the move and birth/hospital happen together?I found the first 6 months b4 they slept through very hard, but as my friends didn't have twins it was really just a case of dh and i battling through thinking that ds1 eventually slept through so they will surely! our preschool takes them at 21/2 that was a help!
If you're like i was you've done the make friends thing because with the first youy make new friends as your old ones are at work so i think you can do it again!
I'm babbling but good luck and i honestly find my dt who have just turned 2 an absolute joy. Ds1 is at school now and i read my book at a soft play place this morning - only for 10 minutes but bliss

just wanted to add my mum lives hours away but i think when she comes it's great beczause she does wake up onwards with me whereas if she lived near she'd roll round at 10 when all the hard work was done!

Didn't want to bother us!!!!!!! Thats why we congregate on that thread . We just hang about, talking crap until someone like you pops in!!!! We have an open house for anyone, any shape, any number of children, you don't even need DTs, just a smile and a daft sense of humour and everyone is welcome!!!

How strong are you as a person? How did you find motherhood first time round? Will your partner be home every night at a decent time? Its very, very tough in that early spell. I personally found the first wee while very tough and exhausting and needed to see people and have a helping hand to make it manageable. Will someone be able to bring in nappies, milk, calpol, wine of an evening?

Nowadays, I could manage and I suppose I do, i don't have daily help, my DP works away and i've never been one for coffee mornings......so living out in the sticks would be manageable now.......but I found the first year or so (particularly the first 6 months) extremely busy and exhausting. Having an older child to care for while you have 2 new ones to see to is demanding and it can feel like a never ending round of someone elses needs.

It all comes down to circumstances and personality.

I hope I haven't put a damper on your exciting decision. Kelly1978 is the girl you need to chat to. She has 4 children (inc DTs) and has brought them up without family or friends. I'm sure she'll be along shortly.........

Do jump right in to the D'y ever thread, we'd love to have you

Hi 1becomes3, as my DTs would say 'silly goose' for not wanting to bother us on the other thread! I wasn't quite in the same situation, but we did move into a new village 2 wks before the DTs were born (should have been 2 months before, but there we go!) my parents are 100 miles away and in laws are about 25 miles (sadly!) but I'm pretty unsociable and just wanted to be left alone to get through it in the first few weeks really.

I have to say that support etc aside I am convinced that the stress of moving, both physical and mental, contributed to them arriving at 35 wks. Bear this in mind with things like getting packed up - how will you manage that if you go to term, let alone if they come early? and then unpacking and getting a house straight? On the other hand Uffington is a lovely spot and it sounds a fab opportunity!

ditto and triple ditto the other thread comments.... you daft apeth!

Well the house sounds like an opportunity not to miss. How do you feel about the house? Could you see yourself and your family settled there? Is it your forever house?

I don't really have anything to add to what FG etc have said. I do think that if it's your forever house then you should go for it.

I think you should find out what local services are available and what help you can get in.

Much love even though you're daft... didn't want to bother us lol.... maybe now's not the time to post on the d'ya thread.. FGs DTs (particularly DT1) have been wee pickles. All because of a wee sparkly ball kit lol! Look away ............... NOW! lol

1becomes3 I was in your situation with a 3yr old and expecting twins with no family support and my DH persuaded me to get help in for 3hrs every morning for the first few months.
I can honestly say that it saved my sanity as an extra pair of hands even to make you a cup of tea is a godsend.
We were struggling financially at times to pay our help but I sacrificed other things in order to pay for it.
HTH

I'm really worried about PND, as when i was younger I suffered terribly from depression and was told that when I had DD I would get PND...................... I didn't and I think I managed alright, I had my bad and good days like anyone.

With 2 plus a toddler it is just such a different situation, and not having anyone close by will be very tough.

Also thanks to all my DH's speeding I have lost my licence and need to re-take my test when the ban is up so escaping by driving is not a option.

Uffington - as in the white horse ? Near Wantage ? I used to work in Harwellquite near there and lived in Abingdon.

you don't so how far away from your family you will be ? Or how long your DH works. Or if there would be room to have someone to stay (eg your mum or even an au pair). All those are factors on how difficult it would be to cope. And how gregarious are you -do you find it easy to make friends ? Have you found out if there are any toddler groups in the area ? Or maybe better an active twins group.

It is entirely survivable - but may be really difficult - it is difficult to predict from what you have told us so far.

Personally I would jump at it - being able to go for walks on the downs with them all would be great - especially in the summer - would probably need an all terrain double buggy like a mountain buggy.

say not so !

So in short, if its the house of your dreams go for it, its going to be hard anyway. If its not, better the devil you know, and stay put.

Clear as mud? Happy you asked us?

The house is not the house of our dreams it is just a quick way to make some money, it needs alot of work re-done on it, that is why they have offered it to us, cause they can't sell it.

We have devised (what I think is) a crazy list of work that we want done before we move in, personally I don't see them agreeing to it, but if they do then we have to do it there is no way we will ever get an offer like this again.

DH has said that he will take 2 weeks off when the DT's are born, which is good as I'm having a c-section and it took me ages to recover from the last one.
My mum works full time although she has said she wants to take some time off when the DT come but it would only be a week or so.

There isn't alot in the area, I will have to find out about toddler clubs for DD.

Oh and another thing I haven't mentioned is the fact that our house at the moment is building site that is not really anywhere near finshed, as DH does all the work himself (thinks he is the don of building)
He seems to think that this house will be finished before the DT's are born!
You would have a great laugh at that if you could see the state of this house.

It is all a crazy idea I don't have any idea how it will work.
Is the money really worth all this trouble?

If you'd like my honest opinion (and its only my opinion), it does not sound worth the upheaval.

If it was the house of your dreams, it would pull you through the tough bits, you'd live off the thought of how life would be and how your home would look in the years to come. Your life will be a whirwind for the next little while, there will be no time for rennovations in the next year.

Although it is not by any means my dream home, in fact I think it is a terrible design, when we would move into it it would be 100% finished, so a brand new house, not like this dusty one we are in now.

That means that when DH comes home from work he doesn't have to do any building he can have the kids (if he can stay awake)

That is what makes this such a tough decision there are so many positives and negatives

Could you walk away from a "possible" £50,000

The house we moved into just before the DTs were born was a brand new one, there were many things that needed doing that we hadn't really taken into account - fixtures and fittings, mud instead of a garden, bulldozers starting at 8am Mon-Fri for another year, we also missed alot of niggles that had we not been so knackered/preoccupied we would have noticed and had sorted sooner. i totally understand why you want to do it, but make sure you know what you're getting into before you take the plunge! Can you link to a pic or anything?

To be completely honest the more I talk to DH about it the more it seems like a bad idea, we would be moving into a more expensive house but it is smaller than the one we are in now and the amount of crap we have in here is terrible, and that is without the DT's.

It will all depend on if the people trying to sell it to us go for the demands that we are making, which mean major work to the house, that they have to pay for, and it would have to be 100% before we move into it.

Still such a tricky situation I guess there is no point worrying about it till I know that they have agreed to do all the work we want done.

Thanks for all your help and advice, next time I wil make sure I post on the "D'you ever thread"

In theory it does sound great. £50k is a lot of money. But its a 'possible' lot of money, they are having trouble selling and if it was only needing the work done, why is no-one else snapping it up? Could it be that the location is putting people off and that when you came to sell, to realise the cash, you'd have similar problems?

Smaller house, you'll need all the space you can get your hands on. When I have illness/sleep troubles with my DTs and DD I at least am lucky enough to have the luxury of having them in their own bedrooms which makes life easier for me.

Spend the time you would have spent on that house really sorting out the one you are in. Look at it fresh as though you were buying it all over again. Put the plans into action. Your own home can be fabulous with time and effort.

Good luck with these little babies, and do pop in to our thread, we love fresh babies (especially those of us who are broody all over again ).

forgot to add that I moved twice in the year I had our DTs. We moved out of our house when I was 8months pg with the DTs. It felt all wrong to be packing up putting everything into storage when my body was ready to do the nesting thing. I craved clean, clear spaces to set up my cots and lay out everything i needed.

Our new home had problems and we ended up staying in my parents dining room for 6 MONTHS!!!! Not the 6 weeks we thought.

It was wonderful to have hands on help when the DTs were born (my DP works away) but hard to leave when we had to move again when the DTs were 5 months. It was incredibly hard to move in with the demands of little babies and try to make the house a home.....I'm still trying.....

I hope I don't sound negative. It is an exicting decision. I just want to point out all the things you need to think about. good luck with it. Keep us posted.

Hi 1becomes3, I haven't been around much the past few days and missed this!

I moved 200 miles away from my family, and fell pg with my dts the month I had moved. It is actually really surprising how much help people are prepared to give. I knew nobody in the area when I moved, but as my due date approached I had no end of kind people doing everything from taking my dd to school to bringing home cooked dinners round for me. I then moved again when the dts were about 7 months old, to another new area. This time it has been a bit harder to make friends etc, but it is really worth contacting groups like Home Start.

I finally got some support from dp's family once my dts turned a year, but I did manage the first year, with 4 under 4 all by myself. Lookign back it was exhausting, but it is def possible. You will need a lot of support from your dh.

However, it really doesn't sound like you feel it is the right thing for you to do. And wiht three very young children you really do need the space. Other things to consider I guess are transport links if you can't drive for a while yet. I'm sure you will get through it if you decide to go for it, but make sure it is definately what you want.

The reason that they can't sell this house is because of the layout inside and they can't work out how to change it for it to work, they don't really have any building knowledge and just want to get rid of this house so they can start on the next site.

Here is our crazy list of demands:

The downstairs bathroom has to be expanded and have a bath fitted, which means moving the door to the lounge aswell.

We want a conservatory on the back

A garage on the side

Upstairs the bathroom has to be taken out so that a stair case can be fitted to the loft

The bedroom next to the bathroom has to be bigger and en suite

The loft room has to have a huge en suite bathroom.

Plus paying all legal fee's and stamp.

IF they go for all that and do it all for us then we will go for it if not then there is just no point in the whole thing.

I will let you know after DH has his meeting with them.