Please help or tell me it gets better!

[Rebecca1608]

Hi just want to vent and get some advice really. I've got id girls born at 35 weeks. They will be 5 weeks old tomorrow. They spent 10 days in SCBU but when they came home i got them into some sort of routine. The last couple of weeks they have been having 4oz 4 hourly and my OH went back to work monday. I continued to feed them and change them at the same time but the last couple of days it's all gone to shit (i'm not expecting 5 week old babies to follow a routine religiously) but they are barely going 3 hours for me now. They wake at different times and they are always shouting. Though i always make sure they are ok. I'm feeding one of them every other hour and i've had 2 hours sleep. One likes to be awake more in the day and the other at night so i can't catch up on sleep. My OH just says "i wish i could help you" he can't during the day as he is in work but in the night says he will be too tired in work. I was up 2am until 7am this morning as one of my little ladies kept calling and very restless. I slept from 7 until 9 when my other little lady woke and have been awake since. I had my first coffee of the day at 2pm as it's been so hectic. No time to eat. I can't leave the house as when i've finished one feed it's soon time for the next. I have been in the house since sunday!! I phoned my mum in tears earlier and i just got "i don't know what to tell you" i'm really run down HV said it's because they are coming up to their due date which is actually tomorrow. She said everything will go out of the window but i am struggling! Please offer some advice.

Ahh thanks monkeychops i will take a look. Accessorizequeen it is absolute hell at times just nodding off and hearing cries. For over 2 weeks i have fed them at the same time but the last couple of days they haven't even though i have woken the other etc 1 might only take an oz and wake again then for the rest of it. They've completely changed the feed cycle. It's killing me. I know he does i'm really pissed off.

Whendoisleep i haven't seen them but i'm checking out your link thankyou.

My 3 DDs (32+5) were in the same cot for about 6 weeks so I think you should definitely do that. I also put them on their bellies a lot (in fact, I put the feeding pillow under them) as it seemed the pressure on their bellies helped them. Of course, I know this is not very modern.

Can your singleton friends bring some food around?

Good luck and it does get better.

I think i will try the cot. I'm running out of options. Yeah sometimes friends will bring food but it is usually tea time for me and OH if i don't get a chance to cook. Girls have been fed and are asleep but one of my girls grunts a heck of a lot is that normal?

My DS1 was a grunter, think it's quite common in newborns as their little digestive systems mature.

Your OH needs to stop talking/boasting about his sleep etc because it's desperately unfair on you. If he could help with winding etc or just hold a baby for you for a while that would help. Twins are a physical challenge too.

Of course it's not a competition but nothing can compare to having 2 newborns. And I've gone through a twin pregnancy with a toddler. My DS1 was only 18.5 months when my DTs arrived so he was little more than a baby himself.

Is the grunting one the one that cries more and sleeps less? I know nothing about twins, but DD had silent reflux, which makes for grunty crying babies who are really difficult to settle.

Basically they vomit up into their oesophagus and it goes back down again, but the vomit gives them acid burns so it's really sore.

Haven't read the whole thing but a couple of things spring to mind.

Your OH has to help more. No 2 ways about it. My DH had a 50 mile commute each way to work and still helped me every night. As others have said, if he needs solid sleep for work, then he takes over when he gets in and you get some sleep. You need a routine that allows you BOTH to sleep.

The babies' routine. I ALWAYS woke the other up if Twin 1 had a feed - that way, within the space of an hour maybe, I'd fed both of them and knew they'd go at least 2 hours without needing the next feed. If you keep doing it, you'll get them into a similar pattern. We only stopped this at about 6 months when one of the twins was regularly sleeping through.

Agree with bouncy chairs (I just had normal ones) to just strap them in (although they might be a bit little at 5 weeks).

And find your local twins group - mine was a godsend. Always more helpers than mums so you could at least pass one baby to someone whilst you had a cup of tea and lots of mums in a similar nightmare situation to share experience sympathise

I'm not sure it gets easier or you just get used to the sleep deprivation .

OH has just offered to do next feed tea for when i wake up and more importantly the night feed. I could have cried! So looks like more than 2 hrs for me tonight.

Ye the grunting one is the one that cries more sleeps less she also sometimes squeals like a pig (that's the only way i can describe it)

OP - do you have a twins club locally? Mine are great for providing new multiple mums with help - a twin/triplet mum with older children will often go and help for a few hours here and there. Agree with pp about asking people to help - they might not want to stick their nose in but loads of people would be willing, even if it's just taking the babies for a half hour walk.

As everyone else says, it does get better, but it's hard to take comfort from that now.

Blazing I had 2 kids close together in age, and then had twins. There is absolutely no comparison.

Would something like this help you ?
www.enfant-terrible.se/products/sleepyhead%C2%AE-deluxe-9707003.

Can you try and get them back on the same schedule by waking the one who is asleep up ? Buy some ready meals that you can have during the day. Ask oh to make you a flask of coffee or whatever you want to drink before he goes off to work in the morning. It will get better so be kind to yourself.

Just to say as well that the bouncy chairs we had weren't actually bouncy chairs they were on a rocker - fisher price infant to toddler seats - so you could rock one with a foot while dealing with the other one and much more supportive than the regular bouncy chairs. Mine were 31 weekers and were in them pretty much from when we came home.

I covet those chairs magicalm!!!

Ours are just the Bright Starts Comfort n Harmony chairs. We had one from DS1 already. He basically lived in it for the first 4 months!

I'm at 9 weeks and I can confirm they have been the hardest 9 weeks of my life. Nothjng could have prepared me for the total lack of sleep and the emotional vulnerability of being faced with two crying babies. I expected sleep deprivation but when it would take an hour yo feed, change and wind one baby before starting all over again with the other then expressing for half an hour I only had at most 30 minutes before the cycle started all over again-and that was on a good day, so I totally hear you. There is no window yo sleep when the baby sleeps because one or other is always awake.

What has helped me get to even get this far is:

1. understanding there are "leaps" in theur development and at these times the babies will be unsettled. (The Wonder Weeks app explains this) I remenber around your time havung one who would only skeeps on me and I ended up co sleeping as the only way to rest because I was falling asleep from exhaustion whilst holding them which few very unsafe
2. these leaps won't necessarily hapoen St the same time in each baby
3. my DH takes a shift from 2100-0030 and I sleep. It is onky 3.5 hours max but I put in the ear plugs, pop on the eye mask and switch off completely. It is honestly the only thing keeping me going.
4. my DH skeeps in the spare room. That way if the babies stir he isn't dysfurbed. It means he gets a longer chunk if sleep to help him function at work and I dibt have to tiptoe around worrying their crying us dusturbung his precious sleep (and it us hard not to begrudge him that but I also decided it was my bargaining chip to get my chunk and him do his bit)
5. at the weekends my DH lets me sleep for two hours each morning. It is amazing how again that chunk with earplugs in allows me to recharge.
6. talking to other twin mums online makes me feel less alone-look for your local Facebook group or if you're breastfeeding in anyway there's a multiple FB group thar is a brilliant resource
7. ask for any help but tell people what you need. I had to learn to do this because if I didn't them being there but not doing the thjngs that stressed me out annoyed me more. Fir example, it might bug you no end the carpet isn't hoovered or that the washing is piling up. In my experience people don't want to just do these jobs fir fear of stepping in your toes but once I told people whar needed doing they got on with it. Maybe put a list of chores on the fridge fir people to "help themselves" to. Also, ask people to feed you. And by thus literally get them to out food in frontof you at regular times
8. something from my TAMBA antebatal session was any guests "must add value" so if they're coming round and not making you a cup of tea waiting fir you to make it, they're nit invites back.
9. all food is one implement cooking so either Dan be heated in the microwave or put in a pan of boiling water or in the oven. This means ready meals or sausage rolls or crisps. Not nutritionally balanced but food is better than no food.

It is hard and like you I don't like my mil coming round as her natural manner us critical and I'm just not emotionally resilient to deal with her. It's awkward because she lives closer but she increases my stress too much. My DH is fantastic letting me have my chunky but I do sometimes feel he is trying to clong to the life he used to have and I've let him as I felt he'd had a tough week at work so if he wanted to go fir a run I'd say "of course". But the reality is I've not left the house without the babies or had any time fir me other than yo sleep. So thus weekend um going fir a hour cut.

Hang in there, you're not alone and you're doing a fantastic job every time you feed your baby or GUVE tgem a hug. I know it won't feel like it, and I have had a very tearful week this week as the heat has effected everybody's sleep, but you are amazing and we will both reppeat regularly
"THIS WILL PASS"
(I've been reliably informed thus is true!)
Xx
Ps sorry fir typos-I have clingy baby asleep in my other arm..,

2015isgoingtobebig - I like your reply!! I can say with confidence and experience it will get better!!! Those first few weeks/months really are just about survival. Relationships are tested, believe me I sometimes look back and wonder how we survived but we did .

Rebecca my twin 2 grunted a lot and was diagnosed with silent reflux and prescribed colief which definitely helped. You can buy it over the counter but it's expensive.

As for the twins versus 2 close together argument. I have done both and twins are loads harder. I could write an essay explaining why but unless you've done it you can't possibly understand.

xx

Both mine were grunters too, our bedroom sounded like a barn yard when they slept.

I did reply to your other post about your unsettled babies after feeds but you never responded. My twin2 suffered badly with silent reflux and was hospitalised for it at 6 weeks. She was prescribed Ranitidine and Omeprazole, we had some terrifying moments when she would lose her breath because of the acid reflux. It is worth mentioning something to your gp.

I second what a previous poster said about waking both twins when one wakes for a feed. I personally had mine in a strict 3 hourly feeding schedule until they were 6 months. I fed them at 7:30, 10:30, 2:30, 5:30, 8:30, 11:30 without fail and at night I would let them wake for feeds. When one baby woke I would wake the other. Their schedule became totally insync and still is 3 years later.

My gp is a mother of twins and her advice to me was "Keep them topped up with milk in the day so they sleep at night" Her advice saved us! I did just that and twin1 slept from 6:30pm-11:30pm & 12pm-7-30am at 11 weeks (5 weeks corrected) and twin2 did the same at 14 weeks (8 weeks corrected) which is pretty good considering they were 5 pounders at birth.

Keep at it, it doesn't get easier but when you get to have decent sleep you can deal with the challenges

Trying to cast my mind back to 3 1/2 years ago when I had my twins.

I think I used to try to feed them at 7am/11am/3pm/7pm/11pm and then whenever the first one woke in the night I would wake the other.

Always always fed them at the same time. I mix fed but when using bottles I would have various methods - rest one head on each of my thighs, or I had those v shaped pillows and rested each one in those, or in bouncy chairs.

DH was on duty from 7pm to midnight. So I would go to bed at 8/9pm and hopefully then get 5-6 hours sleep before they woke at 3ish. We always fed them at 11pm even if they hadn't woken.

We had them in these cots on wheels so we could push them easily between their nursery and our room and we had a single bed in their nursery too. When they woke in morning DH would change their nappies and then I'd feed them and they would hopefully go back to sleep so I tried to as well.

I was a bit Gina Ford about nights - didn't speak, play, make eye contact, didn't change nappies unless poo, just fed in pitch dark room and back to cot straight away. Also I only gave them very small feeds at night (3oz of EBM) so they wouldn't get full at night and would hopefully then fill up in the daytime.

They did both start sleeping long stretches at 6 weeks and were going 11pm-6am by 12 weeks, and after then life was so much easier until weaning but don't think about that yet

Did no housework other than laundry, and absolutely no ironing! DM or DMIL came to help quite a bit too in the early days, always made them earn their keep with ironing and cooking though!

Hope this helps in some way!

I think what people forget is that having two newborns is only one part of it. Being pregnant with more than one is physically more draining, there is more to worry about as more can go wrong during the pregnancy, your had the added worry of ttts, 60% of twins are born prematurely and spend time in nicu/scbu then you have two newborns.

It is not the same has two singletons close together.

How can twins be harder when they're at school?

What a ridiculous comment!

never No you're right. I had TWO high risk pregnancies back to back. I had a small baby and was recovering from a traumatic birth when I got pregnant again and went back to high risk monitoring. Whilst I was heavily pregnant, no chance of putting my feet up and having a sleep/taking it easy as I already had a baby at home to care for.

Both of my babies were born prematurely and both births caused me damage (which i still have to have surgery to correct)

Two pregnancies. Two births. Two recoveries. In a short space of time.

People don't forget anything. Most people recognise that having twins is tough. I also recognise all of the fab mums out there who are coping with two small babies who are not exactly the same age and just because they don't have the magical 'twin' tag to fall back on, they're still working just as bloody hard to just get through the day. No special twin clubs laid on for us!!! No where to go to get some respite (although as I said, Homestart do recognise that it is just as tough)

Not harder, not the same is what I said!

Blazing if you are (as you seem from last post) bitter about the 'special' help multiples get, why do you read/post on a multiples board?

Is this really helping the OP? It's not a competition.

The op asked mothers with twins for advice, not mothers with two close in age!

Neversleepagain- sorry i forgot about that post completely and started a new thread to vent lol. I am definitely going to take my little grunter to the GP as she is very unsettled day or night.

I got to sleep from 5:30ish pm til 9 tonight OH cooked for when i woke up went back to bed for a bit and now i am actually ready for the night feed.

I do try and wake them at the same time i tried them in their bouncers and my little ladies are still very small for them (7lbs) they don't fit right and look uncomfortable. I feed them on massive cushions on the floor. Feeding at the same time is brilliant giving they will both take their whole feed. For the last couple of weeks they have but this last couple of days when i wake the one who isn't quite ready she might (whichever one it is) may only take 1oz and then wake an hour or so later to finish off.
I just want to know there is sleep ahead of me in the next however many months. That will keep me going.

I don't know if there is any twins club for me here as where i live is small and crap for things like that that's why i depend on forums.

OP of you managed to get them fed together even for a while, well done, its a real knack and hopefully they will go back to it.

Yy to waking the sleeping one and try to keep them awake by stroking their face if they drop off whilst feeding.

I found that a 12 weeks they turned a massive corner. It will get better.

If you can, i know it seems nigh on imposdible, get them both up and in the buggy in the morning for a brisk stroll. It livens you up and the daylight helps set their body clocks. It is hard but worth it and kept me sane.

Also mine slept in same cot (swaddled) till 4 months but they were born at 38 wk so quite big. But they slept v well together.

Get the slient reflux checked out or read up on it. See if it sounds likely. I had two with reflux but one very badly so. She is still intolerant of cow milk protein. It was very very hard.

And my x despite being an emergency services worker who needed his sleep still did at least one feed every night. Either 11 o clock or 3 o clock so I could get a sleep. despite being lazy and selfish so your dp needs to accept there is a bit tired and then there is exhausted. Getting out to work when you have twins is a break! Lucky him. He has kids ge needs to accept there is a certain amount of sleep deprivation goes with that, so unless he e.g. drives for a living, tough. Even if he does, evenings. Unless he goes to bed at 6pm.

And as for the twins/close debate I always had great admiiration for mothers who managed a 1 yr old ish and a new born. And if they are kind enough to offer useful advice then I don't see the reason to jump on them?

And If you don't have twin group go to m&b group. I was only twin mum. They were a great support and I got lots of kudos for coping with 2.