D'ya ever wonder... [enter witty phase here]

[MultipleMama]

We fill these up fast!

I honestly cannot remember if we blessed Apollo or not, his NICU stay was just a blur. The hospital let us have a Namensfeier instead of a blessing; at 6pm Feliks was officially "named" by a lovely Celebrant.

Just thought I'd share what he said as it was really lovely;

"A parent's love is something that no one can explain, it is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain, it is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may. For nothing can destroy it or take that love away. It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking. It believes beyond believing when the word around condemns, it glows with all the beauty of the rarest, brightest gems. It is far beyond defying, it defies all explanation, it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation. A many splendor miracle man cannot understand and another wondrous evidence of Life's tender guiding hand."

I was too busy crying to say anything or do anything other than hug DH. DH the beautiful man he is sang John Lennon's beautiful boy. Which made me cry more.

Tonight we signed a AND. It was the most difficult and heart wrenching decision we've ever had to make. So glad today is over, I'm exhausted.

Hi mama,

Congrats on Feliks, lovely name xx So sorry you are going through such a heartbreaking and stressful time. You must of had a lovely celebrant as those words are perfect and very touching.

While going through all of this remember to look after yourself, you have been through an ordeal and need time to recover and process everything that has happened. You are an incredibly strong person but even the strong ones need some time out to rest.

Trips have you managed to get rid of your earache?? I use a warm not hot, hot water bottle on my neck/head behind my ear when it gets bad. Failing that one of each pain killers I have in the house!

The twits are 21 wks now and we have a roller!!! I was very excited when she finally managed to do it, a day later and im reminded how annoying it actually is when they roll over but can't get back yet and hate being on their tummies

Mama I love the name Feliks. Sounds a beautiful ceremony.

What is an AND? Sorry if I'm being insensitive/thick. Massive hugs xxx

Jennifer climbed into her sister's bed last night. Found the two of them snuggled up fast asleep this morning. Seems she's missing Joshua today as its all we've had from her - "where Jos-ia?" And looking for him. He's only at his grandparents!

Thanks, Soks.

You're not insensitive or thick, it isn't something that's usually said in most places, but here they prefer it. It's a described as a more "sensitive and clear" alternative to a DNR/DNAR.

Aww, bless Jen. I bet she's missing her partner in crime The boys are same, they hate being apart.

AND stands for "Allow Natural Death" xx

Oh mama :( I did wonder if it was along the lines of dnr. Hopefully little feliks is as much a fighter as his big brother.

Well jen's partner in crime arrived home a little earlier. We rang inlaws to say we'd pick Joshua up after school run. For fil to answer phone and tell us mil was in bed and had been throwing up since last night! So went straight over. And told them off for not phoning us.

Jen's wiped now though. Busy preschool day. Currently throwing a strop as she was in such a deep sleep we put her to bed. Only for her to wake up, come down, fall asleep on sofa again. Repeat upstairs and she's howling upstairs now.

Oh my word the rain!

I have a bloody cold. Sneezing and runny nose galore. Perfect. Just what I need right now. So glad DH is a paternity leave now.

Feliks still has no change but he's now on 24 hour watch instead of hourly.

Tom only just got home......usually in before 5pm - bloody, bloody awful weather. He is soaked from head to foot. I WANT TO LIVE IN GREECE!!!

Mama. That sounds like some good progress? Keeping you all close in my thoughts and hope the cold shifts soon.

Shabs. It's bloody awful isn't it. Tge rain just came down like buckets at school run time. Thankfully the twins and I were snug waiting in the car. But I did feel bad for the parents who'd arrived early and were waiting in the playground.

Jennifer is fast becoming my fiercely independent 2yo. With a temper and a half to match. Joshua is just giggly and snuggly at the mo. Keeps creeping up to me and hugging my legs, or making a mad dash to hide under the table!

Mama another day forward, hang on in there......
Had visitors for 4 hours today, feeling like you Mama, sneezy, sore eyes, very tired AND my right ear is twinging.........actually feeling fed up !Night all. x

Morning..........Mama feel afraid to ask how little Feliks is, hoping he is still fighting, bless him xx

Not going into school today just feeling tired and sneezy..........

Boys came home from their paper round and said there were branches down everywhere, really rough last night, its freezing out there this morning. Hope you are all safe up "norf"? x

Morning girls xx

Its finally calmed down here Trips. Freezing cold though. Got a beautiful collection of branches in our front and back yard!!!

Hey ladies. Weather not so bad here, few bouts of rain here and there. Kids love it.

As for Fee no news is not so good news and we have no news as of yet. He had a couple of scans on Friday so we'll know more then. For some good news; we've moved up a step in comforting him. Before we've only been able to do things one a time like talk to him and then touch, or just talk to him but no touching due to him being being overstimulated but we were allowed to try to talk to him while he gripped our finger or we held his foot. We did it for 10 minutes before it too much for him. But we made progress! :)

Mama.......is he feeding? You said "before it was too much for him" do you mean touching him hurts him? Are you encouraged to touch him..........I just cannot imagine what it must be like. I have only seen very tiny babies on the tv, looks so scary when they are all wired up? Do they weigh him? When you signed the AND does that mean no intervention of any sort? God it must be hell..............how are your other dcs coping? Full of cold.........havent had one all year, typical when I have a lot to do and I have my youngest brother coming down from Durham on Frid, haven`t seen him since Mums funeral...............that's made me feel sad.......just saying those words........

How is Dotster Shabs, seems quiet on that front?

Hey, Trips. He's not feeding yet his system isn't mature enough and they want minimise the risk of NEC.

We are constantly encouraged to comfort him. For the first 2 days touch did used to overwhelm, over stimulate him. Now it seems it's only every now and then so we just have to watch for the signs that say he's "had enough" for now. It kills me now being able to hold him and do "normal" stuff with him. But his needs come before mine.

They will be weighing him weekly to avoid un-needed lifting/stress.

Not "of any sort", no. We have a care plan that states which life-extended methods can or cannot be used. For Fee chest compressions and cardioversion (along with a couple more) are withheld but given palliative care. We can change our mind at any time and his plan is revised on the date/s they give us. Supposed to be more simple than a DNR but it's really not especially when it's not something straightforward. Just more desicions to make/consider. It's hell.

DC are doing great. K seems to be the only one interested; asking questions and wanting to see pictures. He loves to tell anyone who listens about his miracle brother :)

Urgh. Need sleep. Damn blocked nose and headache.

What is NEC Mama, I don`t understand all those terms you use......I am not clued up!

Morning, awake half the night with a throat as dry as the Sahara...........grrrr...its book club night tonight at an Indian restaurant. Love to go, night out and catch up with the girls but need to be feeling a lot better than I do now, typical!!

trips, get an afternoon nap!

I could so fancy a girly night at an Indian!

I'm rather sore this morning, went over the handlebars on my bike. Got off pretty lightly really, landed on chin and helmet rather than full on face/head! Nothing broken, so carried on and completed the 30 miles. REST today!!!

Funny you should say that Chops, that was my intention, but here we are 16.45pm and still working! Just popped on here to transfer some money or else I won`t have any for tonight!!

Sorry, Trips. Spent so much time here that it's become second nature to use the terms and I forget many people won't know

NEC is short for Necrotising enterocolitis. It's where the tissues in the gut become inflamed and start to die.

Fee (can't believe he's a week old already!) has been really struggling today and DH has been in a foul mood because of it. I now have a hacking cough so I'm not allowed on NICU until it's cleared up and Halo has been cranky as hell with a runny so I think he's caught my cold.

So Halo and I are snuggled in bed watching Halloween films. He'd scoffing bm and I'm scoffing pretzels. I could just eat an Indian though!

We enquired about Siblings yesterday after K's interest in wanting to see him (he wanted to see Halo but the hospitals we were in didn't allow it) and they said they welcome sibling visits, they say children find it easier to deal with the environment then most adults. And because K wants to A and the boys do too so, K is going after school tomorrow, A is going Sat morning, and the twins will be "popping in" for a glance when I pick her up.

Wow, what a day.

Fee had his scans and tests today, all with mixed results. Some needing meetings between us and his care team which will happen tomorrow morning with a pediatric neurosurgeon, a neurologist, and a bunch of tongue twister names I can't pronounce or spell... so that's the bad news. The good news is that his brain activity is now like that of a newborn - full of life!! We have loads of things to discuss tomorrow it feels like we've cleared that first tiny hurdle.

And for some more news, DS1 came to the hospital with us (I couldn't go in though - damn cold) and met his brother for the first time. He showed him his pictures he'd drawn, read to him and even held his hand with the encouragement of the nurses, and he even had a list of questions for Fee's doctor . He adores his brother and wants to see him again. Tomorrow DH will take DD1 to see him in the morning. It's lovely to see them bond :)

How are you lovely ladies? Anything planned this weekend? Any of you open to adopting 4 house trained children?!

Just put ds3 to bed ...................drunk......don`t ask!!

Let's hope the hangover puts them off for 20 years!

I will swap you four feral children for your housetrained ones mama. No? Didn't think so

Don't know what's got into mine but I literally can't leave the room with all of them in at the moment.

They were all awake at 5:30 this morning too! Am dreading the rest of the day as we're celebrating my aunts birthday and I know come lunch time (out for a meal) I will have 2, if not 3 guaranteed grouches. Emily will possibly be ok. Or is at least old enough and able to reason with her better when she's tired. Think I'll take them all for a drive after just to make sure they nap. It didn't help that the twins both didn't sleep at nap time yesterday, then fell asleep at tea time and Joshua in particular was near impossible to rouse. So of course had a knock on for bed time.

Ho hum. And dh was a dick last night too. He ended up going to bed without tea. his own stupid fault though.