circumcision

[stiggles]

I am due in Sept. If it is a boy, me dh wants him circumcised as he is. Through my own nievaity (spelling?) I wasn't too sure if dh had been done or not, so never questioned it up till now when he mentioned it. I obviously didn't pay attention in my biology lessons. DH is Nigerian and he says it is Nigerian tradition for all boys to be circumcised.

I am concerned regarding this for the well being of my son - are there side effects. DH says it is cleaner too to be done. I really don't know what to do. I suppose I married into the nigerian tradition I must accept this happpens (though we had very english wedding!).

where do I get this done etc? I'm not going to bring up to topic again with dh again until we may have to if we have a son

Any advice gratefully appreciated

FallenMadonna, sorry late in getting back to you. What's the problem with your ds?

To answer your earlier question, our ds was advised a circumcision at 2.5yrs. He had a tiny 'exit' which meant (sorry TMI alert!) that his penis would balloon when he weed and there was no way his foreskin would retract. If he had had a lot of pain or recurrent UTIs then we would have gone with consultant knows best and had the op.

However, from the reading we did after the appointment we found circumcision wasn't the only option and so took ds off the waiting list to give the other options a chance to work. DS is now 4 and he is much improved, partly down to gentle retraction and encouraging the skin to stretch and him just getting older. We could also have used creams to thin the skin before going down the surgical route. The literature said a boys' foreskin can stay attached and not retract until they are 10 or 11 yrs old.

Not sure if any of this is relevant to your dc!

Heated - That is what is going on with ds too - only he is 6 already! He doesn't have pain or UTIs, but nothing is happening. I might go and ask about the cream. Thanks

Just a quick reminder on religious matters (wether you agree or not ) because this talk about aesthetics is silly really.

For Muslims and Jews circumcision has a far far deeper meaning than mere "aesthetics".
It is the initial sacred alliance to God when Abraham was given a lamb to sacrifice rather than his son.
It is central to their beliefs.

As for medical reasons, well that's what they are. Not "aesthetic".

Now I have to admit I find circumcised penises far prettier . Am I shallow or what?

Thanks slim. I am fully aware of the religious reasons and still disagree unless for medical reasons

have to say I'm quite shocked by the enormous reaction from people on this subject - didn't quite realise it was so contentious!

still haven't spoken to DH as I'm always so tired and in bed when he gets home from work! I will approach it, calmly.

I had no idea there were such strong views - I've got concerns rather than views I think but then again I'm not really thinking clearly at the mo. I still have a long way to go till dc is born, so I can carefully think through things.

I'm in the US where some people do and some people don't circumsize. I have no cultural or medical reasons for it though. But here it's about 50-50 as to whether it gets done or not.

Both ds1 and ds2' have had it done both when they were a day old. Ds1 slept through his, and ds2 cried, but was eased very well. The after care is easy, just make sure it's kept clean and the right cream is put on, within a week they are usually fine.

Here the doctor does it in the hospital.

I let my dh decide and he decided that he wanted it done(he's not circumsized btw).

Forgot to say that it's done in the hospital unless it's part of the religious ceremony.

hi stiggles, I am afraid I haven't read all the posts- but just wanted to say that I identify with your situation. I am married to a Gambian man- who is a Muslim. I have not converted but respect his beliefs and have agreed to bring our dd up as a Muslim. We did discuss circumcision as we didn't know whether we were having a boy or a girl until she was born. I did agree to consider it but do not feel completely comfortable about the idea and still think about what will happen when our next child is born if it is a boy. However I do believe it is important to discuss these things and make a decision together as parents. It is hard though- tbh I am glad we had a daughter first so we could have more time to think it thorough iyswim! It is a difficult one- I have spoken to many Muslim mums who have said they found the decision to circumcise very hard, even although they belived it was the right thing to do.

Have you discussed with your dh whether there are some traditions he is more keen on and some that can be compromised on? For example my dh and I made an agreement to only follow religious requirements rather than cultural- so we didn't have our baby's hair shaved at the naming ceremony as we asked and discovered this was a cultural requirement not religious.

Whatever you decide to do both you and your dh must feel comfortable- and that means discussing it and realising you can't please everyone- as parents you have to be strong enough to tell friends and relatives on both sides that you have made a decision as a couple.

MiorowaveOnly I feel EXACTLY the same as you. Feel that, especially as my boys are proper little Aryans, I have somehow denied them a part of their Jewish heritage. And I could have stood up to my dad as I did think it was important but I was so hormonal...

Yeah well I strongly disagree too. Who would want to put their child through unnecesary pain???
If it hurts to watch them cry for thei milk I can't imagine the pain of an unecessary operation.
I am C of E and my husband muslim . I'd like to know what makes men think they have carte blanche to force their beliefs on their child, but their wife's religion can fade into the background and be ignored?
I have tried the compromise that if his child is circumcised then he will also be baptised, but that doesnt seem to work!!!!So any wonder I'm devasted at finding out I have a boy on the way!

This is just my experience:
Our son was circumcised when he was 2 days old as DH is muslim and this was very important to him. We live in the middle east so it is very common here so I knew the Dr would have plenty of experience. It was done by a urologist in the OR although under a local anesthetic. He did not use the ring method.
The Dr said he didn't cry (but I guess he tells all parents that) but he came back 30 mins later looking happy as larry. It did not seem to cause him pain even when the dressing was changed. It took about 1 week to heal.
My friends son was about 3 when his circumcision was done and it caused him quite a bit of pain.
Hope this helps

That's really interesting schatzi

My sil is in the same position as you.

She just had her baby ds circumcised last week. All of my dh's family are dead against it, and feel that it is somehow being forced upon her and her lovely chldren

I am not particularly religious at all, and just find it really [sad that someone would put their child through any kind of unnecessary suffering .......whether that be circumcision, ear piercing or even leaving a dirty nappy on.......

I do feel for my sil......she is stuck betwen a rock and a hard place......she sys she is doing it so that they can choose when they are older, but it all seems so one sided i.e all of his beliefs are being adhered to, but not hers, i.e baptism, christmas etc

If she truly wants to lets them choose, then surely they could do both (and maybe wait until they are old enough to choose if they want to be circumcised)

I really dislike the way that a lot of people think that it doesn't hurt them, just because they are tiny, and can't say that it does......Wishful thinking methinks

I believe each to their own, and feel that we can all learn from each other, but little babies suffering like this is going too far imo

thanks Cazboldy - nice to know other people are going through the same thing. It just amazes me how many partners seem to cave in to the whole thing!!!
If my child chose it later on then I would have to accept it, but even then I'd be worried it was to impress daddy.
When my hubby and I met me had loads of discussions re. our differnt beliefs and we spent hours finding the common things that we both believed in. I have a broad enough aproach to want to teach the common things to our children instead of tearing them and us in different directions and making them feel like thye have to chooses mummys OR daddys way. That doesnt seem good enough for my other half, even though he never practices - somewhat off the circumcision subject, but never mind - the logic is all connected!!
Is your sis religious at all?

thanks Cazboldy - nice to know other people are going through the same thing. It just amazes me how many partners seem to cave in to the whole thing!!!
If my child chose it later on then I would have to accept it, but even then I'd be worried it was to impress daddy.
When my hubby and I met me had loads of discussions re. our differnt beliefs and we spent hours finding the common things that we both believed in. I have a broad enough aproach to want to teach the common things to our children instead of tearing them and us in different directions and making them feel like thye have to chooses mummys OR daddys way. That doesnt seem good enough for my other half, even though he never practices - somewhat off the circumcision subject, but never mind - the logic is all connected!!
Is your sis religious at all?

tbh not really. and he isn't particularly either, which just seems to make it even worse imo

I have been lucky in that my dh and I disagree about very little in the upbringing of our dc, and it must be really hard to disagree about something that is so important.

The worst thing is that there is no middle ground. You either have it done, or you don't.

Do you think he your dh may feel differently when your baby is actuaaly born, and the reality of what has to be done hits him?

How far along are you?

Can it be done on the NHS or do you have to pay for it? I have agreed that any sons will be, as my OH is muslim (nominally) and we have compromised on a few things. He had his done at about 4, as is normal in his culture. I want it done a lot earlier, when a baby as I think it will cause fewer lasting effects, but I'm concerned about a big financial outlay at such a skint time!

I had the same issue with my husband before my son was born. He is Ghanaian and i'm English. He felt very strongly that ds should be circumcised, while I felt that this was an unnecessary procedure. We had many 'discussions' about it, but both being stubborn individuals, we never reached a conclusion before ds's birth.Thankfully, directly after the birth my dh said 'we won't get him circumcised.' I was so relieved as the thought of having this tiny baby subjected to more pain really upset me.