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Multicultural families

Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

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Original poster

circumcision

117 replies

stiggles · 03/03/2008 17:48

I am due in Sept. If it is a boy, me dh wants him circumcised as he is. Through my own nievaity (spelling?) I wasn't too sure if dh had been done or not, so never questioned it up till now when he mentioned it. I obviously didn't pay attention in my biology lessons. DH is Nigerian and he says it is Nigerian tradition for all boys to be circumcised.

I am concerned regarding this for the well being of my son - are there side effects. DH says it is cleaner too to be done. I really don't know what to do. I suppose I married into the nigerian tradition I must accept this happpens (though we had very english wedding!).

where do I get this done etc? I'm not going to bring up to topic again with dh again until we may have to if we have a son

Any advice gratefully appreciated

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

pukkapatch · 03/03/2008 23:19

sophable, there was an interesting programme on horizon a few years ago.
cells in the foreskin are programmed to search out and destroy bad cells, dirt, bacteria, virus's etc. its part of what the foresking does. however, the clever little hiv virus, has a way around this destruction. something to do with getting assimilated into the foreskin white cells and then taking over, i am remembering this throught the mists of time, a few years ago.
once assimilated, the person gets hiv.
women are more likly to get with unprotected sex than me because they get the infected semen from infected partner shot straight into them. whislt men have to get it trhough littl e hole.
the studies horizon was reporting on had intially started with a correlation between the rates of circumscion and aids cases in parts of africa. places where no circumsion had higher incidences of aids. they wanted to see why this was. lots of research later, including using freshly circumsied adult foreskin which was infected with hiv in a test tube. they concluded that when the foreskin was absent, then the chances of contracting hiv through unprotected sex were lower.
however, this is not really relevant to a person s reasons ffor being circumcised. but i wanted to tell you about this as you were laughing about this fact.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/03/2008 23:23

Heated - may I ask how old was your ds when the problem righted itself? DS is 6 and we have been advised that circumcision might be necessary, and we are not thrilled about it.

And all this talk of mutilation...

MaLopez · 03/03/2008 23:56

Blu, I have no problem with male circumcision. Was just pleased, I did not have to go about the process of looking for someone to do it. I guess as a mother you never really want your child to be in pain of any sort. The pain is definitely not routine, what has become routine for some is the fact that it is a given that it is done.

Incidentally, my daughter did have a whole load of tests run and blood taken and then diagnosed with a hole in the heart so know that pain is definitely not to be flinched at.

fortyplus · 04/03/2008 00:01

TheFallenMadonna - ds2 was 'threatened' with circumcision for several years as his foreskin hadn't detached properly. The consultant said not to worry - as long as it sorted itself out well before puberty he'd be fine - if not it would cause him agony if we didn't get him done. He had to pull back on his foreskin every day in the bath.

One day there was a huge yelp and he was crying his eyes out. I ran up to see what was wrong and he showed me this gleaming purple knob - now I know where the expression comes from!

I can't remember how old he was at the time, but I think about 8 or maybe 9.

IorekByrnison · 04/03/2008 00:12

I am amazed by this thread - I had no idea it was such a contentious issue. It's more or less routine in North America - as well as most of Africa and the Middle East - isn't it?

fortyplus · 04/03/2008 00:37

Quite right. But I think that in the US numbers have declined over recent years as people have come to realise that circumcision impairs a man's sex life.

Having said that, I've had a 'cut' boyfriend (long time ago!) and of course he was quite happy because he didn't know any different.

It does seem sad to me to mutilate the bodies we are born with - and by that I would include piercing.

Each to their own, though - and if you belong to a religion which practises male circumcision I can see the argument that it would be better to carry out the op on a tiny baby. They don't seem to suffer very much, whereas a friend's ds who had it done at 9 for medical reasons was in considerable pain for about a week afterwards.

IorekByrnison · 04/03/2008 01:02

Impairs a man's sex life? Really?

fortyplus · 04/03/2008 01:12

Well, so they say - it's because they haven't got a smooth moist bit of skin to rub back and forth over a glistening knob like wot uncut men have...

...which has made me feel a bit queasy, actually

slim22 · 04/03/2008 01:27

TO OP ONLY

I've just skimmed and it's the usual uninformed mumbo jumbo calling you and abuser.

Anyway, had it done on my son as we are muslim.
We are extremely liberal non practicing and yet this the one practice I never ever thought of foregoing. It's the same for a lot my jewish friends.

Here's the gist: Have it done as soon as possible and by someone who does dozens of them every week.
It's a very very common procedure for a Dr who practices lots of them.
I had it done in my parents' country. took 10 mn under general anesthetic. Less than a week to heal. My son was 15 months old and was up and running on the same day.

I would have done it sooner but unrelated pblms interfered ( My brother car crash and coma).

Anyway, in the UK I would definitely recommend seing a Mohel (jewish Rabbi/Dr) rather than a urologist.
Because they have much more experience.
But they only do it on small babie that is less than 6 months.

pooka · 04/03/2008 07:54

To Slim only

I have looked again and cannot see anyone calling the OP an abuser. She is the one who is uncertain about the procedure (particularly in her second post). It's her DH who is more keen.

Mumbo jumbo eh?

mehdismummy · 04/03/2008 08:03

slim only. Its pointless mate. Some people think its wrong to do it and think its abuse at the end of the day its not their business what you do with your child. It is important in islam and a strong part of dh faith. It bugs me that people dont respect that. As you know i have been through hell with dh and i hardly would put my darling ds through that for no reason would i

slim22 · 04/03/2008 09:01

Pooka, not meant to offend. It's just that I don't care about that debate. I just think It's a sensitive private discussion she needs to have with her husband, not me.

I'm just giving the best available info I have on the actual pocedure.

Mehdismum {{{{{{{{big hug}}}}}}}}}}} how are things? have not heard much about you lately. Are things settling?

mehdismummy · 04/03/2008 09:07

yes ok. Have you got email address? Wont hijack this thread. There is update on relationships cunningly called an update!

slim22 · 04/03/2008 11:06

oh, not too keen leaving my e-mail on here.
I'll go read thread and post there.
speak to you later.

pooka · 04/03/2008 11:12

Slim, like I said earlier, I think this is a subject where you either agree wth it or you don't. There isn't really any middle ground. It must be very difficult to agree on in a relationship where one person is pro and the other anti. Would certainly agree with the advice that if you're going to get it done, make sure the person doing it is proficient, practiced and sensitive.

MicrowaveOnly · 04/03/2008 18:49

just to put another side of the argument...my dh is circumcised as is his family, and although I don't see anything wrong with it,(certainly cleaner from wife's point of view!!) I couldn't actually go thru with it on the day what with all those maternal hormones flowing!!! My dh was understanding but I still kinda regret it, as I watch ds grow up i think I have deprived him of a part of his heritage and I feel its my fault for being a coward. I know he could have it when he is older but its bl**dy painful. Reading these threads still doesn't convince me I did the right thing.

pruners · 04/03/2008 18:55

Message withdrawn

pruners · 04/03/2008 18:57

Message withdrawn

MicrowaveOnly · 04/03/2008 19:06

pruners but what is cultural? I mean what about my example of ear pinning!! thats relatively common still and its for looks only yet NO-ONE would slate that, cos its british culture. But thats alot more invasive??

FranSanDisco · 04/03/2008 19:08

How can ear pinning be british culture? It's cosmetic to stop a child being teased not a cultural practice fgs.

pruners · 04/03/2008 19:09

Message withdrawn

pruners · 04/03/2008 19:09

Message withdrawn

MicrowaveOnly · 04/03/2008 19:10

'to stop a kid being teased' I'm not sure how that's a better reason..down that path bottom uplifts lie!

pruners · 04/03/2008 19:11

Message withdrawn

FranSanDisco · 04/03/2008 19:12

I never said it was better. I said it was cosmetic not british culture. There's a difference. If it was culture all british people would routinely pin their kids ears back regardless.

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