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Multicultural families

Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

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Original poster

circumcision

117 replies

stiggles · 03/03/2008 17:48

I am due in Sept. If it is a boy, me dh wants him circumcised as he is. Through my own nievaity (spelling?) I wasn't too sure if dh had been done or not, so never questioned it up till now when he mentioned it. I obviously didn't pay attention in my biology lessons. DH is Nigerian and he says it is Nigerian tradition for all boys to be circumcised.

I am concerned regarding this for the well being of my son - are there side effects. DH says it is cleaner too to be done. I really don't know what to do. I suppose I married into the nigerian tradition I must accept this happpens (though we had very english wedding!).

where do I get this done etc? I'm not going to bring up to topic again with dh again until we may have to if we have a son

Any advice gratefully appreciated

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hercules1 · 03/03/2008 19:54

You see for me it's not up to the parents but the actual owner of the body - the child.

mehdismummy · 03/03/2008 20:01

i think you are entitled to your opinion hercules but my ds is being up as a muslim. His father and his father are muslims. If he doesnt want to follow that religion he does not have to. But if he does and i really hope he does he wont have to go through the procedure when he is older. And to be completly honest i only let ds have it done because a qualified surgeon was doing it. I would not let him have it done in algeria

hercules1 · 03/03/2008 20:02

But he doesnt get a choice about being circumcised though does he?

mehdismummy · 03/03/2008 20:08

he didnt get a choice about having undescended testes either but i still had it done. Surely being his mum i know what is good or bad for him or do you think i would put him through pain for nothing.

hercules1 · 03/03/2008 20:09

I have no problem with it being done for medical reasons and havent implied so.

mehdismummy · 03/03/2008 20:14

ds had his done for religious reason but only because they were down there at the time. If they had not have been i would have waited. But i still think to some people who are religious it means alot that their ds is circumsised(sp)

monkeytrousers · 03/03/2008 22:11

I'm not jumping the gun MO - they are both mutilations; I know one is more brutal than another, I'm not equating them on that level; but that doesn't make one less wrong if we are talking about individual sovereignty, they are both just as wrong on that level.

monkeytrousers · 03/03/2008 22:13

I am racist? LOL.

Please!

No, actually, prove it! List my racist crimes below, please!

monkeytrousers · 03/03/2008 22:19

Over www.mumsnet.com/Talk/5006/489576?rnd=1204582729670 Medismummy. Lets take this outside, shall we?

JingleyJen · 03/03/2008 22:26

So, for what it's worth,

Talk over and over and over again until you are happy. it is no-one elses business what you do but the nature of the thing is that there is no going back, so make sure you have talked through any/all concerns you have.

My opinion of circumsision is of no relevance to your decision. Just be confident and comfortable in the decisions you make.

pukkapatch · 03/03/2008 22:33

unless there is a problem medically, you will have to get it done privately.
personally, we kept putting it off. when i was ok about getting it sorted, dh would chicken out. when he was ok, i would chicken out.
in the end we had it doen in in the middle east, at my parents, by a peadiatric consultant in a top private hospital. it was done under general anesthetic and he had an epidural for the pain afterwards. it cost a fortune, but, it was worth it.
just, dont let him even consider having it done by the local nigerian 'man' on th ekitchen table with no anesthetic. i know someone who had this done. he was about 11, so obviously gave his consent, but still feel he was traumatised by it.

MaLopez · 03/03/2008 22:37

Hello, I am Nigerian and Yoruba Boys usually have this done soon after they are born as it gets much worse for them if done later.

I know that in London, there is a popular Jewish family who have done most of the little boys I know. Also there is a place in Luton where they are a bit more humane as they use the bell method and have a local anaesthetic injected beforehand.

I wil plump for the Luton place if I have a boy.

I did heave a huge sigh when I had a girl but it is so commonly done and has almost become routine.

JingleyJen · 03/03/2008 22:39

just had a conversation with Dh, and we have a question for those who have had it done for religious reasons.. is there a religious reason that you can't wait for the child to grow up and decide for themselves... I am not trying to be argumentative I really am interested.

sleepycat · 03/03/2008 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pukkapatch · 03/03/2008 22:48

no . but it is longer harder recovery when children are older.
personally i think it is best whislt child is still in nappies, as you are still in charge of keeping him clean. with older children, the chances ofpost op infections are higher.
both ds's were runnign round like loonies four or five hours after having the op. the elven year old i know was down and out for the entire six weeks of his summer hols. five year old uncles managed to get themselves infected and suffered through painful lemon antiseptics, this being before antibiotics were commonly available.
so, medically its better when younger.
in some cultures i have heard that being circumcised was part of your initiation into manhood. sort of like a final degree that you were now a man.

Heated · 03/03/2008 22:49

Ds advised by a consultant to have a circumcision for medical reasons but we have held off since the condition has improved of its own accord as we read it might, and I didn't like the negatives listed here:

www.netdoctor.co.uk/menshealth/facts/circumcision.htm

And, it's not as if it could be reversed!

The consulant was muslim and I did wonder if from his viewpoint, whether the op was that big a deal.

Heathcliffscathy · 03/03/2008 22:50

i'm sorry but pmsl that circumcision is cleaner and prevents AIDS.

MissyTheFlouncer · 03/03/2008 22:52

prevent aids

specialmagiclady · 03/03/2008 22:54

Maybe my experience will help...

My DH is jewish, I am not therefore our sons are not.

I was quite keen in principle for DS1 to be circumcised so he could have a link back through his father, father's father etc to Abraham and so on.

BUT I wanted his father and father's father to somehow ritualise the event, make it special as - as far as I know - there are no particular health benefits to doing it.

My FIL didn't get this at all and thought we were doing it for hygiene reasons, but we made an appointment with the mohel.

Every time I thought about it (baby was a week old) I wept, but I wanted to do it for cultural reasons.

We were all getting dressed to go and see the mohel when my Dad - a retired GP - phoned almost in tears and asked us not to do it. He said there are risks associated with the procedure and why choose to use THIS to help him remember his Jewish roots.

We cancelled the appointment with 45 minutes to spare. In a way, it would be nice for him to be the same as Dad, but I wasn't prepared to mutilate him for that. (Strong word but I suppose ultimately that's what it is)

Heathcliffscathy · 03/03/2008 22:58

this is a great link and i've taken the liberty of copying and bracketing it

Heated · 03/03/2008 23:01

Thanks Should have done it myself, but I'm inept at computery things.

Heathcliffscathy · 03/03/2008 23:02

glad to be of service heated, and thanks for a thoughtful and sensitively written AND accurate link.

Jackstini · 03/03/2008 23:02

Even with all due respect to religious or cultural reasons, I just cannot see that it is fair to do this to someone without their consent.
If they decide later in life, fine. If parents have it done and the boy then decides later on he does not want to be circumcised it's a bit tough!
I would see if you can get dh to agree you want it to be your son's (if you have one!) decision.
Anyway, congrats on your pregnancy and enjoy the rest of it

toomanyshoes · 03/03/2008 23:14

My DH's family is from Ghana (although he was born here and not particularly interested in his African heritage, sees himself and our DC's as English) and we have a daughter of 3 and a son of 9 weeks.

before DD was born I made it very clear that if she was a boy there was no way i would agree to circumcision. Although DH has been done he was quite happy with this and as we ended up with a girl there was no problem.

Now we have our son and again I made it very clear that I would not consent to circumcision. My MIL is not happy but he is not her baby and I find the idea of removing a part of his perfect little body abhorrent. I realise that others feel very differently but I do not think it is for me to decide this for my son. It is his body, not mine and to lop off his foreskin without his consent would feel very wrong. I would not have DD's ears pierced for the same reason. They are my children but not my belongings, their bodies - their decision.

Good luck discussing this with your DH, I can remember feeling very worried about this when I first got pregnant. I hope you can manage to agree!

Blu · 03/03/2008 23:16

MaLopez - can I ask why you would agree to something that you dread enough to have breathed a sigh of relief over when you had a girl?

I have awtched my newborn baby have medical procedures less invasive than cutting flesh (insereting IV lines) - very distressing, and I don't think you could construe that newborns feel no pain or that anythng which causes pain to a newborn could possibly become 'routine'.

I can understand how custom and tradition prevail if there is notihing to feel uncomfortable or dread about - but can anyone explain why you would go ahead even though you clearly dread it or flinch from it? Why not just say 'no'?

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