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Multicultural families

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Original poster

Why do I always assume the worst?

28 replies

Katymac · 02/03/2006 19:17

It was book day today & DD dressed as a little girl from Ghana (she is mixed race Jamaican/UKwhite)

I was talking to a school friend about all the lovely costumes and complimented his - I asked if he liked DD's costume and he said "I don't really like Indian people"

I said "That's not very nice ...and anyway she was dressed in an African dress" and stormed off

How should I have handled it/what should I have said?

I feel a bit stupid really as he was only 9 and I had a go at himBlushSad

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starlover · 02/03/2006 19:20

i think it was perfectly reasonable! plus, kids learn from people around them... so if he says he doesn't like Indian people then it's a fair bet he has heard it around him which is very sad.

littlemissbossy · 02/03/2006 19:25

Don't worry katymac, I told a friends ds off for saying something like that

Original poster
Katymac · 02/03/2006 19:26

Thanks Starlover - I still feel I should have been more understanding/try to change his opinion/(maybe smack him)/talk to the school/talk to his mother

I was just so cross is it any wonder DD is struggling at school?

OP posts:
starlover · 02/03/2006 19:28

as dd has been/is being bullied then it might be worth mentioning it to the school.

Blu · 02/03/2006 19:29

Well, exactly. Your poor DD is having to cope with that sort of nonsense, so It's hardly surprising that you were so angry.
And, even if he does hear racist crap at home, a 9 year old should know that it is simply downright RUDE to say something like 'I don't like "whatever" people'. It's as well for him to learn that the things he says get a response!

Original poster
Katymac · 02/03/2006 19:32

My BF & her husband say I am overreacting - & that I always assume the worst - and I quite honestly thought they were right

They said that I shouldn't have told him off

OP posts:
starlover · 02/03/2006 19:34

nope.. i think you were totally right to say it.
Children have to learn...

SenoraPostrophe · 02/03/2006 19:35

he is only 9, yes, but will probably learn a lot more from your reaction (and more quickly) than from anything else. blu is right: he should know better even at that age.

at least you didn't yell at him.

Blu · 02/03/2006 19:40

yeah well, your BF and her DH (probably) don't have to put up with racist crap, or see thier dd's self-esteem undermined by such ignorance, do they? Unless I am making a mistaken assumption about them.

Original poster
Katymac · 02/03/2006 19:42

No you aren't - making assuptions that is

Do I tell the school?
And tell him which child?

Or just leave it alone

OP posts:
4blue1pink · 02/03/2006 19:43

Katymac - i would have probably said much the same as you but in my heart of hearts feel he deserved a much stronger response - 9 is no baby...

Little turd.....

Blu · 02/03/2006 19:46

I think I would talk to the school about it. Not necessarily to 'report' this one child - but don't hold back if they ask - but to make them aware that things DO get said all the time, and they perhaps need to get more serious with the way they adress diversity.

Blu · 02/03/2006 19:49

Also, Katmac - trust your own instincts and judgement, and don't let your BF put you off. You will probably KNOW when kids are simply being innocent, and when to be explanatory and educative with children, and when they are being downright out of order.

Blu · 02/03/2006 19:49

And sorry if this spoilt book day for you Sad

Original poster
Katymac · 02/03/2006 20:08

Was I worng to move here - to make her the only mixed race child in the school/village?

Should we return to the 21stCentuary in a town somewhere?

I feel that I've allowed DD to be bullied

OP posts:
starlover · 03/03/2006 14:27

I don't think you were wrong to move there. I grew up in a very white area, there was one Indian girl in our primary school and she had lots of friends. I am still in touch with her now... so it doesn't have to be like that.
AFAIK there was no racism or bullying towards her or her family (although obv i don't know 100%)

I don't even think you're naive in expecting children to accept other kids, whatever their race or skin colour... and the school should be doing everything they can to back this up and teach them about diversity and acceptance.

Unfortunately unless parents also take this view it can be very difficult to change the views that they then pass onto their children which I find incredibly sad...

DO speak to the school though... tell them about the incidence although maybe stress that you don't want to make a big fuss about it... but do say that maybe they need to be placing more emphasis on teaching diversity to the children

Original poster
Katymac · 03/03/2006 15:34

I sopke to the head - who wasn't surprised at which child it wasSad. He is going to have a word

I also spoke to the mum (who is a good friend) and she is upset/embarrassed (it is apparently ex-p's beliefs)

OP posts:
Blu · 03/03/2006 15:36

Katymac - I didn't know you had moved there - I thought, for no particular reason, that it was where you had always lived.

No, of course you weren't wrong. You were full of hope and thinking the best of peopole, and presumably moved because of positive reasons.

But I do think you were brave. My DP won't countenance any thought of moving to the area of the country you are in because of the experiences he has had, and doesn't want DS to be the only mixed race child in the village.

Of course that response has problems of it's own - accepting the status quo and limiting your horizons because of it, thinking the worst of people and falling into permanent cynicism or negativity.

The problems are out there, km, they are not caused by YOU, you are not the problem, but there is definitely an issue.

Has your dd said she would like to move??

Blu · 03/03/2006 15:37

x posted - good result - you have succeeded in making the problem that much smaller - well done!

HeyBaby · 03/03/2006 15:47

I think your response was good. Obviously he is copying the opinions of those around him (maybe his family is a bit racist or something) so may have been innocent but he has to learn from SOMEONE that comments like that are not acceptable.

If you gave no reaction then he probably would have gone on his little merry way assuming that there's nothing wrong with those kind of comments (or even worse that kind of attitude) ....!

Good for you!

saadia · 03/03/2006 16:06

I think you did the right thing. I probably would have said something like "I'm sure they don't like you either" - not v helpful but I wouldn't be able to help it.

Filyjonk · 03/03/2006 16:19

I think you did the right thing.

If my ds (or dd) came out with that, I would appreciate such as response, just to let him see what effect saying something like that has on people. I would also want to be told.

Marina · 03/03/2006 16:22

Agree totally with Filyjonk. So glad you got a good response from the mum, who must be mortified, but saddened that this could be said to another schoolchild anywhere in Britain in this day and age.

MarsOnLife · 03/03/2006 16:39

katymac my lovely, you handled it much better than many that I know. I think your response was perfect. You weren't rude, you didn't attack him, you didn't shout. Sadly your BF isn't walking in your shoes and so of course it wouldn't have the same affect on her. Neither her nor her children have to suffer racist comments from young or old. 9 is more than old enough to know what's going on and what is being said. Shame on him.

Fret not my angel.... I would probably be doing time for him! Grin

spacecadet · 03/03/2006 16:53

you did exactly the right thing, he has to understand that comments like that are not acceptable and 9 is old enough to understand, im glad his mum is going to speak to him.