My ExH has been sending me money for my 18 yr old and is stopping end of July.. ...W>H>A>T ???

[maltesers]

He has always sent maintenance money in the form of a cheque ever since my DD was 4yrs. She is off to Uni. in September, and for some reason he says this last cheque he has sent is the last one ever to me. From August onwards he is sending it straight to DD and upping it £50. I am so annoyed and surprised. I am keeping DD till mid Sept and she earns nothing. She is very wasteful, extravagant (and a teen terror from hell !) So she costs a fair bit. I have e mailed him and texts but he is not responded. Why is he short changing me by 6 weeks ??? I feel i must get in touch with the CSA...but can they help? past experience of them has been hopeless. Any advice gladly received. Thanks.

golly, all this FYI stuff. calm down.

supposition of the highest order - i was merely pointing out the extensive research that had been done in the trials and tribulations of army spouses attempting to enter the job market - through constant moves/ unpredictable dh working hours/ absences etc.

unfortunately by your testy response, it would appear that you had no such reason to prevent you working at that point and it must have been a lifestyle choice.

(that's me being facetious btw)

i'm not accusing you of fraud. i'm just saying, your dd is an adult. your xh no longer has to pay you maintenance. deal with it. your reaction to the fact he no longer has to pay maintenance to you is not logical, given your adherance to the 'rules' and your 'entitlements'.

six weeks is going to make very little difference. i had to pay my mum housekeeping. get your dd to. and get over yourself.

maltesers my boyfriend is also currently unemployed. Guess who goes to work and pays the fucking bills? Yep, that's right - I do! So don't come fucking high and mighty with me.

Furthermore, if your boyfriend is also unemployed I'll assume that ONE of you can get a bloody job and stop scrounging.

So you've been expecting your ex husband to support your daughter, your new partner AND a child which isn't his? Sweet. No wonder your world is crashing down.

maltesers - you need to inform both XP/XH & DD that maintenance needs to be paid via you for the last 6 weeks, otherwise:

1. DD will be charged it in rent & keep.

If she refuses to pay up, you can refuse to do anything else for her in return, including keeping a roof over her head! It's not her fault XH has changed the arrangement but she doesn't have to play along.

OR

1. the CSA will be informed.

Whatever he's paying to DD may well be counted as "pocket money" and he also may well end up having to cough up twice.

Either way, from DD's first day of term, he's not legally obliged to pay anything so if he will be, give him credit for that at least.

Whatever's happened in the past, for your own sake, please try to give up the bitterness you've harboured over his income for however many years - it's clearly not doing you any good.

On the other hand, it could just be down to a misunderstanding about which end of the summer holiday maintenance should be paid until.
If this is simply the case, I'm not surprised going at him all guns blazing isn't provoking as prompt a response as you expect.

oooohhh dear....lack of vocabulary SKIHORSE, there is no need to swear !! so disgustingly common....

I think going to the CSA over this is a very, very, very bad idea.

And you really need to get more hours at work or another side job if your boyfriend is also unemployed.

I would take the chance to negotiate some ground rules with DD and explain that she will have to contribute for her bed and board while at home, regardless if she is getting the maintenence money direct she will have other money she will have to take control of and budget with. I know it is hard but I would try to look at this as a positive thing and sit her down and look at get her to look at her finances now that she is a fully fledged adult, and as a adult she has to accept the responsibilities that adult hood bring.

All sounds a bit odd to me.

Yes, I swore - woe is me and my vocabulary. Don't worry though sweetie, you won't need grammar for flipping burgers!

Maltesers - I have been in this situation fwiw (low income, single parent) but I have never had the attitude that I cannot work more hours in order not to affect my benefits. I worked more hours in order to develop skills and get a better job in order to get off benefits.

I do not understand you anger with your XP tbh. You knew the money was going to stop at some point.