After many months of stress and worry I finally got to speak to cccs today and have agreed to set up a DMP.
They are brilliant and very reasuring that you are not alone and things will be ok.
It should take us approx 9 yrs to pay off 40k @ 400.00 per mnth but the budgets they do are very realistic and have budgeted for everything you can possibly think of (even a xmas/birthday fund)
So if theres anyone else out there in the same boat I would highly reccomend them, it's a long wait for an appointment but it's well worth it in the long run !!!