Help with future planning, please - 45 and very little savings & pension...WWYD?

[AssetRichCashPoor]

Looking for some advice and guidance on what finance savvy people (which is basically anyone else but me !) would do in my shoes. Name changed as will no doubt reveal lots of personal information.

I'm 45, married for 14 years, two children at secondary school. DH has always been a higher earner since I met him 17 years ago (earning £60k/£70k per year + bonuses). Finances always kept separate. DH paid mortgage + bills, though my name is/was on mortgage.

Although I worked full-time when we met, I then went down to three days a week after dc1, then gave up work altogether after dc2 as nursery fees were extortionate and we decided together I wanted to be at home (I nearly died after giving birth - was in a coma - which put things into perspective. I'd also just lost my mum). I ended up being a stay-at-home mum for five years, which I am very grateful for. I've never had a career as such, just jobs. I grew up poor (council flat) and left school at 16 to work full-time so support my single mum.

Fast forward to now and I've only ever worked part-time (15-20 hours a week) and mostly term-time to suit our family. Husband works away sometimes so I'm default parent. I have very little in the way of savings or pension, unlike DH who I think has plenty. He paid off our mortgage three years ago, and our house is worth just under £500k I think.

I've recently started to panic about what would happen if DH passed away suddenly. I don't earn enough to pay for our monthly bills and food I don't think? And although I'd get a decent payout due to his works' death in service pension, it would take time. I suddenly feel really vulnerable.

I'm finally in a new job with decent career prospects and have always had a really strong work ethic, so I'm determined to up my salary over the next few years.

Question is, would you feel vulnerable in my situation? I don't have any parents or family money or anything like that. My kids have more in their savings accounts than I do ! (I look after them, so that's good; I have access to a couple of grand if I was desperate and needed to borrow money from them short term).

Sorry it's so long! Please don't flame me for allowing myself to get to this situation; I know Mumsnet is horrified with women who do this, but here I am. I do feel lucky in many ways to be in a good marriage, have my health, mortgage-free etc....it's just if for any reason we got divorced/dh passed away I would really struggle in the short term whilst I sold the house I think...

My advice would be to insist DH has life insurance sufficient to cover his portion of the household expenses for a minimum of 2 years. In the event of his death, you'd be able to cover immediate expenses and then invest the capital with the expectation of taking an income from it.

Do you have wills? You need them
Are you the beneficiary of his pension? Check this.

If he died, then you'd have his death in service benefit, a portion of his pension and his life insurance.

I would also reconsider how your family works it's finances. Your DHs career has benefited, and still does, from your unpaid labour. I would have a conversation about prioritising your pension. He can pay into a SIPP for you. Or you can merge finances fully and you can increase your contributions into your current workplace pension. (better option if your employer matches your contribution).

I was in a similar situation in my 40’s Sahm no pension. I started working and agreed with Dh that I’d salary sacrifice as much as possible. It makes more sense from a tax perspective for you to build up your pension.