Does anyone else think like this on spending?

[spottybluetie]

A few days ago tickets went on sale for an event localish to us that I thought DD might like, but wasn't sure - tickets came to £20 for the both of us so perfectly manageable. But i wasn't sure so thought about it for a while before booking.

But it's £20, didn't think twice when she asked to go to soft play last weekend and DH took both kids for the same price. Don't even consider it when paying that for my commute, or on a round of drinks for colleagues.

But for some reason I really felt I had to justify the spend mentally before booking the event. It's not just this either, I can spend ages wondering if I really need a new pair of jeans.

For context DH and I are comfortable financially, not rich, but comfortable. We're incredibly lucky that we can afford it without worrying. It's like somethings are 'ok' in my mind but others I have a bit of a mental block, as if I'm worried about making the wrong decision.

Is anyone else like this?

Yes
it is because you don’t have an endless money pot

If you did, then you would not weigh up things

The commute is necessary.
The drinks and soft play are familiar and give instant gratification.
The event has too much uncertainty and it’s in the future - will dd be ill? Will something better/more necessary come up? Will we really like it??

You may be comfortably well off, but you do have finite resources, so you spend them on what you have most confidence in.

Do I weigh things up before spending as to whether or not I need the item? Yes, because I'm not made of money.

I just spent £30 this morning on contact lenses because I can't see without them and am down to my last pair, but decided against spending £13 on a beautiful little nail care set on ASOS because it seemed frivolous.

I think that’s perfectly normal. Also, the same item can cost vastly different amounts where you buy it - I’d have no problem buying a bottle of water for a $1 in the supermarket but I resent and refuse to spend $6 for a bottle in the cinema.
I seem to feel less guilty spending my money on travel and experiences but when it comes to new clothes or material possessions I feel guilty.

I’ve been like that when I wasn’t that comfortable financially. When that’s the case, it’s good to really consider your spending and prioritise the right things. It’s the responsible thing to do.

Now that I don’t have to think about money, if I want to buy something, I will. We have both worked hard to be in this position so I’m not going to begrudge myself things I want. I still look for offers to get the best value.

I have family members who are wealthy who won’t spend money on anything nice even when they really want something. What’s the point in that?

I somehow don't have any qualms about spending money on food, including non-essentials, but I really struggle for ages to try and justify other expenses, even new underwear! It's silly.

Definitely. For me, it's an age thing I think (50s). I have more books than I'll ever read, same with clothes etc., I have nice house things. I'll replace a laptop or phone when broken without bothering about the price, I'll go on lovely city holidays, but I never shop for the sake of it.

We're comfortably off too, no mortgage, but I just can't find it on me to buy frivolous things. I'll happily send money to my adult kids to treat themselves but I won't buy a six pack of walker's crisps now they're £1.70 😂 It's a funny balance and strange choices I think - I'll spend £30 to go into a gallery when we're away, but not pay 40p for a bag for life if I've left them all in the car 🤷

We didn't have much growing up - was it the same for you? I kind of still think, 'my mum would be shocked that I've paid that' for a lot of things and, again, that's more as I've got older and actually been able to afford whatever I want.

My partner on the other hand 🙄 haemorrhages money on any shite he sees . . .

I do think these habits stay with us and are perhaps why you are comfortable now. I was in debt in my 20s and the habits I learnt then paying it off have stuck with me which is why I feel guilty about spending it on certain things.

I have friends who don’t even check prices in the supermarket and I wouldn’t say they are well off, just (imo) not great with money.

I think we all have an element of this. Like @iamnotalemon and @Pierrederesistance I've experienced money worries before that have forced me to be careful and go without, but now I am much more comfortable a lot of these habits have stuck.

I tend to buy and do what I want within reason, it helps that there's a lot of things I'm just not interested in so don't spend in a lot of areas that other people do and if there's a way to do something cheaper I'll do it, eg annual passes, parking out of the way to avoid paying for parking, taking my own food and drink etc - it helps that I don't like most 'attraction' food and CBA queuing up for it.

But I had this thought while on holiday last week, I visited an attraction without even thinking about the price, but while I was booking it, I did have the thought, 'if that was on a day out in the UK, I'd not pay that much to do that' but I was on holiday, wanted to do the thing and just did it.

But in reality, as long as you pay your bills, can cope with fluctuations in costs over the year and if something breaks, money is managed fairly in the household if relevant, are sorted for your pension and savings and could manage if you lost your income, the rest of your money is available for spending however you like as long as you realise that each pound can only be spent once, so could run out eventually.

That’s extortionate for a pack of walkers! Didn’t realise they were that much now. (Been out of the UK for a while).

No I don’t do this, if I couldn’t afford something I wouldn’t be looking in the first place and if I want to do an activity or buy something then I do. I often think to myself I doubt if there’s anyone on their deathbed saying I should have save those £20’s and not done such and such.

The difference for me in these situations is that I know that my daughter would like the soft play, if one of us was unwell we wouldn't go but wouldn't be out of pocket if we didn't go.

We are in a comfortable position but we talk through most purchases. We have a joint Amazon account and the other week I saw that my partner had put some interdental brushes. He had gone for a pack of mixed sizes as he didn't know what size he would need. I thought he would most probably need just the smaller sizes and suggested a different packet . We spent 5 minutes looking at other options decided on a pack neither of us was initially considering and they are better. At the end of the day it would only have been £5 if we had bought the "wrong" ones and they would have most probably have done the job but we would rather use our time to buy right the first time over having to use our time to buy twice.

I think events sort of come in this category - it's the cost of it not being right rather than the cost of the event in the first place. My sister a couple of years ago accidentally booked her 15 year old on a Christmas hair and make up event and completely missed that it was targeting 4-6 year olds complete with an option to meet Father Christmas. Thankfully they saw the funny side but it shows how you can easily not be burying what you thought you were buying and for me this is where the second guessing comes from.

I think there is definitely something about being in the habit of not having the funds.

It took me and my partner 10 years to qualify and for the 5 years after uni we had a household income of £25k it was manageable but we had to be careful. We used freecycle and charity shops to furnish our first home, always took lunch and coffee out with us, cooked from scratch and so on. Many of the habits have stuck and we do have to remind ourselves sometimes that we do have the funds to do things we couldn't previously