At 50, should I downsize to leave a stressful senior role?

[ThatAquaRobin]

I'm 50 and very aware of my own privilege. But also single mum with two young teens (in state school) my ex is supportive and pays me regularly for the kids.
I have a decent amount of equity in the house I own but still the mortgage is over £1000pcm.
I have a few different roles that are quite senior and I'd love to give one of them the push. But it would mean significant belt tightening. Moving house within the same area to downsize would significantly help. I could be mortgage free but still have to support the kids and pay all the monthly bills obvs. At the moment my council tax and gas/elec are massive as I still live in a family home that is spacious but probably big for 3 people.
I think about this constantly.
Tried to talk to my mum but she's 81 and not financially savvy. She was visually horrified I might not want to stay in my stressful job earning what I do to stay in my large house. It's outside her world view and experience!
Probably need to sound this out with some friends in the same field
My partner of 10 months is lovely but he lives 40 mins away and we haven't had the living together discussion yet. I can't move to him as my kids are very settled in high school. His job is a 90 min commute from me. His kids are grown up and working or at uni.
Argh. Just wanted to write it all down.
I'm 50 and all ambitions are gone. I just want to do my lower stress roles until I can retire. But so much to think about

I think if you are thinking about doing this constantly then there’s your answer. It’s not like you’re planning to leave the workplace so you’re going to be continuing to develop your skills and pay into your pension until you retire. Everything is up for review so if you wanted to take on more responsibility again, in the future, when the teens need you less, chances are you would find the opportunity.

Moving costs, stamp duty etc will eat into any gains (as you probably know!)
What sort of house prices are you talking about - what could you sell yours for and how much for a smaller house that you will still love?

Hi OP, I went through a forced retirement recently and I am still finding my feet in my new way of life. I am a bit older and no kids and had a big inheritance but I think we have things in common nonetheless. Many people in my life couldn't believe I would leave my stressful well paid job. My best friend has a lot of money and a massive pension pot but won't retire because he is too worried about becoming poor. I had this same fear.
You are if you dont mind me saying still living the same sort of life as you did immediately post divorce. Same house same job same expectations.
The reason I quit was because I had to seek professional financial help when I inherited because of tax issues. My advisor pointed out that not only could I retire but I should. Lovely young woman!
Maybe you could take some time to think through the money side of this decision separately from the cultural or society expectation side. Personally having been through and still immersed in this life stage myself, I would say that if the idea is lodged in your mind that you are tired of the work hassles and probably bored of the stress of it go for it!
I love the idea of a smaller house or flat picked just by you for you and your teenagers at this stage of your lives. And mortgage free that is a great feeling. Good luck.

Do it, your quality of life / MH should take priority over anything you can really. You’re only 50 so you’ve got plenty of working years left to still be feeling stressed and also, without being too morbid, you’re on the wrong side of 30 to fanny about with your time x

It depends on numbers here.

what financially do you hope to aim? Is it simply to reduce the mortgage or be mortgage free? say you reduce your commitments down downside and save £500 a month on mortgage? Is this enough.

I went to 0.8 role and it was lovely and so much better from my health and are not unreasonable to investigate and do some sums.

My mother had a senior and stressful intensive role and she was a bit of workaholic and it didn’t make for a good experience as a child and teen. My whole experience was that life revolves around work. She was a single mother too and we didn’t have a loads of spare money. Sh also paid a lot for convenience to reduce stress by out sourcing.

I never quite understand when people say the house is too big though. There is just me and DH and dog and we love our large house!

I get it. I was way more ambitious when I was younger than I am now, late 40s. Work used to be very central to my identity so I put in long hours, took every opportunity, maximised my skill set. I wouldn’t even say that that changed when I had children, it’s just been the last few years.

I’ve been doing my current role for 4 years now, I’m at the stage where I should look for promotion or a lateral move for development but I know the job inside out, don’t find it stressful, the money is decent enough for me and the working hours are good. My only concern is boredom but it’s not enough to make me want to create the turmoil of change and unsociable hours again.

I would say downsize and lower your stress but leave yourself a pathway back in to more senior roles should you need to improve your income again (eg kids at university). By that I mean stay skilled and up to date, keep contacts etc.

I would do it. I’ve recently lost a fair bit of my career ambition as it’s just exhausting. A less stressful life is priceless. I’ve just taken a 20K paycut, very privileged to be able to do so, and I now work part time. All the bills are paid and I’m finally working to live rather than living to work.

I’ve done this in my 30s. It’s an absolute no brainer as far as I’m concerned to prioritise wellbeing and easing financial pressure. What is your mum horrified about?

50 is the age to start thinking like this.

Have a look at beautifulupheaval.com as things really change.

Why are we working so hard, what for?
Why are we doing everything?
Why are we earning fortunes, what for?
What actually matters now?

In relation to the house, it is always a good idea to try to match your house to your phase of life. Moving is expensive though so, so you want to minimise the number of house moves you make over your lifetime. Currently you have the uncertainty of whether you and your partner may want to live together which you will probably resolve in the next 18 months. I would wait to resolve that and then have half an eye on what the adult kids/retirement phase of your life is going to look like.

Review your retirement position. You should weigh up reducing your immediate stress with how much you will then have to see you through retirement. Your mental health should win this one, but if you would be struggling in old age, it would bash your mental health at an age when you were less able to cope with it.

Stepping down would be a £40k pay-cut and leave me with £50k income a year.
House has around £420-470k of equity depending on what someone wants to pay for it.
I've got around £40k of savings for kids uni costs (this is 5 years away) I plan to continue to save if I can.
Ex also earns well and pays for his kids so I am very lucky. But he'd have something to say if I cut my hours and downsized, I'm sure. To be fair he's a reasonable man and is also cutting back. He's 58.
I'd save around £100-150 pcm on bills like council tax and gas elec if I downsized.

Mortgage free and stress free role? I'd go for it (we are downsizing). Sadly we won't be mortgage free but lower mortgage will help us overpay quicker, that's the goal.

Have you done your sums? Can you live on a 40k pay cut? if so I’d say go for it.

I have friends who did similar, they were mid 40s and gave up a massive house with large mortgage for a reasonably sized mortgage free cottage. Both were able to go part time. They were met with a lot of shock from friends and family but they are so much happier and less stressed now. (We were their only friends who told them to go for it!)

Should add also my experience. We sold our house which still had a mortgage and bought a house outright. We were both 59 and it means we can retire this year as we don’t need to pay off mortgage and maintain a very old draughty house!
I have absolutely no regrets.

I did this with a view to maybe cutting my hours in a senior and stressful role. Then i unexpectedly lost my job. Rather to my surprise I have loved being unemployed (am 51 and have always been a high flyer). What would have been a stressful situation before has become a lovely opportunity. My perspective is that being mortgage free makes you financially more robust, you have lots of options and need a lot less to cover the essentials, and that in itself is stress reducing even if you stay in the bigger jobs. Options are a wonderful thing to have and for my money downsizing will give you that. Lots of people I know were horrified that I did this but I think it’s one of the best things I’ve done. If ambition is largely gone then it’s purely a case of what are you doing this for. I’d downsize then see how you feel. Good luck!

Update.
Another alternative has arisen. Because of my equity cushion I am remortgaging to an interest only deal.
This saves me 700pcm should I chose to dump the higher stress job.
For now, I think I'm going to tick along but I now have some flex if I get to the point where I want to hand my notice in. While I'm still in the higher pay role, I intend to continue paying down equity.
Then at retirement I can either sell up, or use some of a lump sum to pay off the remaining capital.
Still, despite taking pensions advice and the fact I should be ok cash flow wise, I somehow feel guilty about doing it.
Not sure why.
Maybe it's having driven myself so hard from the age of 16 -50

@OP, that sounds like a good plan. If you can stick with the high paying job, that does not burn your bridges and keeps your options open.

It may not be as easy as you think to find a lower stress job at 50. You could be over-qualified and older than the hiring manager, who may (unfairly) think you are going to be difficult to manage and a potential flight risk. Make sure you got a job to go to before you quit because the university years can be very expensive if you want to provide some form of financial support to your 2 dc. You and your ex may not be used to the ongoing expense of uni (student loans don't cover everything) if your dc are currently in state school.

As you are 50 and if you are on a defined contribution scheme, you will be able to access the 25% tax free lump sum in your pension when you turn 57. It is quite a long way away but that lump sum could be useful to help pay down the capital on your interest only mortgage.

I wouldn't be looking for another job. I'd just keep the one I already have, minus the stressful bit.
I'd be cutting 2 days a week in a more strategic role, but keeping the rest.
I'd hope to remain in the lower paid role up to 60, but yes I have the option to take a tax free lump sum at 57 if I wanted.

I would do it because quality of life and physical and mental health are so important.

I moved out of London at 51 and left a senior role because I just had enough of the rat race and my health was declining.

I moved to a small town in Kent by the sea and I am feeling so much better now. I have a long term health condition that affects my joints/bone that is made worse by stress so I knew I had to do something to improve my life.

It can be difficult though to bounce back in term of employment and as other have said there is a lot of ageism out there but I would say it is worth it in your case especially if you will be mortgage free.

Thats a great plan OP. Im so glad I had to retire this year. My job was so busy I pretty much ignored my health and stress levels. Great plan until it isnt!
I realised that I had been working since I was 16 but also as I grew up on a farm I had worked holidays since I was 8 or 9!
I thought I was fit and healthy despite having insomnia and migraines and as it turned out super high cholesterol, plus I had put on plenty of weight over the last two decades because of the insomnia and migraines.
I felt guilty as well, I still have bad days with that but the answer is not to work, I did that. Its how I got here.

I'd stay put and look at reducing expenditure. Teens taking 30 minute hot showers, food waste, coffees in Costa every day, walking round in t shirts with the heating on etc all add up. So unless you're already vigilant on this kind of stuff, I'd tighten up there and shave off a couple of hundred quid a month pretty easily. Every little helps!