Being mindful of spending without FOMO (fear of missing out)

[crumpetwithcheese]

Hello,

I have just paid off £3k worth of OD & CC debt to now having £0 after months of living well above my means and a lot of dopamine spending. I have now closed my CC and OD and want to be more mindful of where my money is going - both me and DP are aiming to buy our first house in a few months. I work PT and partner works FT (he takes care of all bills) where as I buy clothing for myself and DS, including general spending money for myself.

As mentioned I can be a huge dopamine spender and love a trip to Boots to view all the nice skincare sets etc. I am trying to be much more savvy when it comes to money to avoid this and take a focus on my savings without the FOMO feeling. Most recently we have discussed a new car which would be a good idea I the next few years (ours is absolutely fine though it’s around 16yo)
But I see others (friends/family) getting new cars, going on holidays and thinking nothing of splashing £200+ on a new handbag and I get really bad FOMO that it constantly feels like I’m saying no to everything as I want to try to save my money. Does anyone have any advice on how to overcome this?

much appreciated in advance

I have a ‘stupid spend’ allocation each month and it literally goes into a separate account in my Monzo account. I’m not allowed to spend over, but if I underspend then it stays in that account for later. It means I can save the money to buy something bigger, or just frit it away as I want to. My thing at the moment is Pokemon cards. They’re hard to get, and there’s potential of getting a hit, but they’re only £5 a pack so not a massive spend. It means I get the dopamine hit of finding and opening them, but I don’t overspend and put myself into debt :)

Budget, work out what you need and don’t buy anything else. If you need things also think of budget alternatives/second hand. You just do things differently. Remember those friends may be in debt

Fear of missing out on what?

You are trying to keep up with other people who spend money on unnecessary things, and you are getting into serious debt because of it. That is really quite worrying. If other people have more money than you or different priorities in life, they can afford to buy luxuries. You cannot do that on your family income.

You can't afford to buy all these things, and you are only buying them to make yourself feel better. Yet then you get into debt again, which makes you feel worse. You have a compulsive shopping addiction. Time to break the cycle.

Do you have ADHD? If so, it may help to google and look at some of the ways it is suggested to manage spending with ADHD.

If you don't, I would be looking to change mindset altogether. You need a budget and you need to genuinely work out what your priorities are and how much you can afford to allocate to each. I know absolutely what matters to me and I am ruthless in spending what I need and can afford to support that and I just don't care about anything else.

If you really, really want to buy a property, you would go for that and stuff like skincare just becomes more about the basics.

Allocate a FOMO budget and find interests that aren’t shopping.

Sell stuff if you can.

Broadly speaking, can you honestly tell who has spent £100’s on skin care at boots, vs someone who uses just the basics.
If you’re going to be silly with money because you have FOMO, then concentrate on things that you feel are truly worth it and don't just purely give you a dopamine hit only whilst your buying it.
Also, for a while avoid putting yourself in those situations. Dont go into boots if that’s a specific trigger for you. Any necessary essential toiletries can be bought elsewhere, like with your food shop etc.
Set yourself a budget, become obsessed with something else. Carboot sale or charity shop hunting for bargains- could then sell them on. That can be a good replacement dopamine hit.
Or, browse Vinted and stick to a budget per month that you’re allowing yourself to spend.

Also, a lot of people will have big items on credit. Try and tackle why you feel you need to keep up with the Jones. Does it really matter if you’re not driving around in a brand new flashy car?

I used the following to help change my spending mindset when saving for house deposit, and I still use it today.

There are multipliers which tell you how much a one-off/weekly/monthly spend would equate to if you were to invest the money instead.

One-off: 2.6
Weekly: 840
Monthly: 194

It assumes the money is invested for 10 years and has average returns of 10% (historically 10% average is quite conservative).

So for example:
£10pw on takeaway would equate to £8.4k over 10 years
£50pm TV subscription would equate to £9.7k over 10 years
£1k spent on a new mobile phone would equate to £2.6k over 10 years.

Using this math made me challenge myself “do I want/need that item, or would I rather have £8.4k a few years down the line.

Turn FOMO round - it’s not what you (think!) you’ll miss out on today…it’s what future you will miss out on.