Should I tell Mum my brother borrows from her account?

[Cheesestrawz]

Hi,

I have. Dilemna. Brother and I manage our mums finances. She has capacity mentally but she struggles with other health issues so asks us to sort out anything finance related. She’s fortunate to have quite a healthy amount of money saved.

my issue is that my brother sometimes borrows from her account without asking. He always repays it but I think it’s wrong.

his view has that mum has lent him money before and told him that he can always borrow. I know this is true but it’s the not asking that I don’t like. He says she would stress over it and would just try and give him the money.

I’ve told him that it cannot happen again. Do I tell mum?

Is there any POA in place because if reported hed be hammered. I would have a conversation with mum and him and have all "loans" noted so you can track its been paid back. Mum may be ok with it but if her financials get looked at for care needs etc it will likely need explaining.

Either sort out a POA or agree with brother he asks either you or your DM before he 'borrows' anymore money.

Is there any way you can encourage your mum to check over her bank transactions? Maybe once a month she could sit down with you and go through her statement (online or on paper).

Your brother shouldn't be doing this but I'm not sure exactly how you stop him. At least you might be able to make sure your mum's aware of it.

How do you know your DM hasn’t agreed to this?

If you are managing DM’s money under a POA, you should be very careful. What is OK when it is DM transferring the money is not ok when you do.

e.g. Before POA DM has given all her DGC help with uni costs. When POA in place, it should be done for the final two DGC.

Before POA DM pays school fees, after - just no!

I think small Christmas and birthday presents are fine, but should definitely be small - especially for the people holding the POA.

people do get away with all sorts of things (illegal or otherwise) with POAs, but the reality is it should be beyond reproach.

It’s her money, of course she is entitled to know.

Maybe once a month she could sit down with you and go through her statement (online or on paper).

Well, I still get paper statements from my bank so I can look back.

Got a council tax that I had paid already so was able to post a copy of the statement.

Best to you OP, it's not easy being a single mum and taking care of ageing parents.