When I met my partner 15 years ago I thought he was pretty driven but I’ve come to realise that’s not the case.
We started our professions on similar salaries and mine is now almost x 3 what he earns because I’ve worked hard and made strategic job changes. He, on the other hand, likes the easy life, he only does what’s needed and, when he’s had to change roles, goes for low salaries in small companies with no career progression.
I’m getting very frustrated and concerned now.
Since having children 12 years ago I’ve carried most of the financial burden (we’re not married so largely separate finances). Even when I didn’t earn much more than him I paid the lions share of childcare, paid for emergencies like builders, new washing machine etc. Now I’m responsible for all holidays, all children’s clothes and uniforms, all treats, I’ve paid for three house renovations, the car, all unexpected expenses, pretty much everything outside his share of the mortgage, house bills and food.
He promised me 2 years ago that he would get a better paid job to take some of the responsibility off me but has done very little and has only applied for a small handful of roles.
He blames a bad experience with a previous job for a lack of confidence but that was a 6 month role 12 years ago and I’m quickly losing patience with this.
After a row last month he updated his CV and told me he was determined to change roles but I found the CV on his desk yesterday, incomplete and he’s done nothing.
I’ve also found out that, despite assuring me it was ring fenced, he’s spent all of the money his parents recently gave him and now he’s well in to his overdraft. He blames the cost of living but I’m paying for most things, we spend minimally on the food shop so it’s pretty stable and his other expenses haven’t changed.
He’s 45 and has no savings, pays minimally in to his pension and every month I’m having to make up the shortfall from him to care for our kids.
I earn well (not excessively) but feel like I’m financially a single parent and I worry about money every day. I’m also saving for university for the kids on my own but every time I have to pay his share I’m taking money out of that fund.
Anyone else in a similar position or can advise how to motivate him? I’m aware I’m losing patience and can’t stand the thought of having to financially support him for his whole life when he makes so
little effort.