How can we manage financially as Universal Credit support reduces?

[elliejjtiny]

We have 5 dc aged between 19 and 11 all with disabilities. Dh was a manager up until youngest was born, then he became unwell and had to take a massive pay cut. I'm a Sahm and get carers allowance. We get UC. Dc1 in his first year at uni, dc2 about to start in September.

We are just about managing at the moment but barely. In September we are going to lose the child element of universal credit for dc2 and I'm worried how we are going to manage. When the dc were younger I thought I would be working by now but I'm only getting 4 hours sleep a night and my 11 year old needs constant supervision when not at school so I don't know how I could fit work in. Dh has to work away about 15 weekends a year (from friday morning until late Sunday night) which leaves me completely exhausted each time. We spend 9 weekends a year picking up/dropping off/visiting dc1 and I imagine spending the same amount of time with dc2. There is no childcare for children my dc age with SN and they have to be picked up and dropped off at school. The dc have appointments about once a week on average and dc4 stays in hospital about 1 night a year when I don't get any sleep at all.

Realistically I can't think of any employer who would employ me with the amount of time off I would need and on so little sleep. At the moment I spend the time dc are at school doing the housework, cooking the dinner and trying to catch up on a bit of sleep.

I'm trying to think of anywhere we could save money but I can't think of anything. Dc1 doesn't cost any less money while he is at uni.

She has a husband who earns and contributes.

nonsense...

Why would anybody have a 5th child if they already have 4 with additional needs?
I had 2, we both worked,we had no support. It was bloody hard going.

But not enough to pay for 5 kids!!

It's mind boggling to keep having kids you cannot afford....cut your cloth according to your means.

It sounds like he used to earn much more until he had to take a pay cut due to illness and all 5 children were already born at that point.

I agree.

I tried to ask a particularly rude, harsh and intrusive poster how much do they earn? To be such a negative moaning individual they must be really struggling themselves?

They wouldn't answer.

They insist tax is too high, because of 'scroungers' like the op, rather than their wages aren't enough, their rent/mortgage is too high, food prices are too high and so on.

Untrue. DD1 was under a paediatrician with a special interest in neurodisability from the age of 2 years 9 months. He consistently said that he didn't see ASD in DD1, and that her needs were the result of her other conditions. He consistently said that he didn't see ADHD, despite the fact that she would try to climb out of his clinic windows. She was finally diagnosed with ASD after developing an eating disorder at 15. She is now finalising her ADHD assessments at the age of 20. She is so disabled by her ASD and LD, that she will never live independently, can't be left at home alone, and can't go out alone. Her ASD is considered her most disabling disability, and she sees a NHS psychologist weekly.

DD2 was not acknowledged to have any SN until 9, diagnosed with ASD at 11, now in specialist education since 15. She will need extensive support for many years.

DD3 was not acknowledged to have any SN until she was 13. Diagnosed with ASD at 15. Now in specialist education.

It isn't as simple as you may think.

No, the whole point is that the level of exhaustion and the level of disruption it will cause the family is huge and the material difference to their circumstances is minimal. Don't be disingenuous. You see posters complaining of their high wages resulting in not much change so it doesn't make it worth working. It's no different here.

This thread is nuts.

People stating they’ll vote conservative or reform due to welfare bills when billions of pounds worth of tax is dodged by large companies. I bet neither party will be trying to claw that back will they?

There is no doubt that the Welfare bill is rising. But until we sort out services to assist people to return to work - like mental health services who have been decimated by previous governments - we are stuck with it.

It makes me laugh all the virtue signalling when you are all happy for your high earning MPs to receive subsidised pints at Westminster!

The sad thing is, OP could have received support to return to the workplace, but has no doubt left the thread due to the pile on.

I agree. There's also a tendency to blame parents, particularly mothers, for what might seem like behavioural problems. My friend was told that her parenting needed to be better, that her child's issues were caused by her personal guilt at having had previous miscarriages and at going back to work after having a baby and that she needed to tend to her child's inner baby - this was by a CAMHS therapist. Of course her child was later diagnosed with autism but not until secondary school age when a lot of damage had been done to the family and to her child's self esteem.

It's particularly funny to see people claiming they'll vote Conservative, as if the Tory party has a cat's chance in hell of gaining power at the next election, or in fact probably ever again. Not really the killer blow they seem to think. They might as well threaten to vote Monster Raving Loony.

Dear God. How to dehumanise disabled children and their mother. You should be ashamed.

The politicians need to wake up - this is why they are practically giving the likes of Reform (whom I don't support, I'll be a Conservative voter in 2029, for the first time. Kemi is excellent) a key to Downing Street.

Is it really? I would like to see some statistics on incomes and occupations of reform voters because I’ll be honest - a lot of the ones I’ve come across are on benefits or the kind of tradesmen who are doing cash in hand work and not declaring it all for tax fraud, while happily using the NHS and schools etc.

I recently saw some young men being interviewed at a protest who were complaining about the “boat people” getting everything free, then it came out in the interview that they weren’t working and never had worked “due to boat people taking the jobs”

I am also curious about the idea of voting tories in response, because the current system with so many people on UC and claiming sickness etc arose partly
under their 14 years of government? How are they any better than Labour in this regard who have only been in for 2 years?

I completely agree, and many people on benefits now are still working, as OP has said her husband is, so the narrative people are trying to spin on here that she's making benefits a lifestyle choice doesn't track.

To clarify, the comment of mine you quoted wasn't in agreement with the person I was replying to. I just think it's disingenuous to claim they are voicing some unpopular opinion when this country is openly hostile not only to those on benefits but those that are disabled.

a lot of the ones I’ve come across are on benefits

Yep.

Yeah I’m genuinely a bit confused! 🫤 look at how Tories mishandled the loans and contract given out during the pandemic and the amount of fraud that was left unchallenged.

What do you want her to do? Her husband had a decent job, he didn't know he would become ill.

Maybe she should sell her children?

Thanks for sharing this - yes, just as I thought. What an interesting statistic eh? I really don’t get it.

Oh come on you know this is nonsense. How many people can actually afford to entirely support 5 kids with zero state support? The people I know with 3 kids have two full time working parents and lots of help from family + paid childcare.

I think it's pretty universal. It's not a popular view among some on here but personal views are affected by factors like lack of education, where someone lives and so on. That's been manipulated by populist thinking to appear as if there's an educated elite ( I've been accused of thinking myself educated on this thread!) who look down on people and that does everyone a disservice. What's important is to identify factors that cause people to act against their own interests - usually disadvantage which is then exploited - and address them. This is not to say people should be berated or dehumanised for their choices. It's about building a society where every contribution is valued, where collective responsibility is prioritised, where opportunity exists for everyone, where there is a robust social security safety net. The thing is, that runs contrary to what many posters on this thread advocate. So how do they ever expect anything to improve when their view entails all stick and no carrot?

The difference is they’re already covering their own costs and contributing tax to pot. If everyone decided it wasn’t worth their time or that they’d be too tired then society would collapse. We need everyone to do their fair share (and for those in genuine need of support to be afforded for support than they currently are).

Radfords do. But they force their children to be content for money.

There are myriad ways, and as we know, zero state support for children is not the hallmark of a healthy society anyway. Nations with stronger and more effective welfare regimes support families from the very start, putting in place resources so that nobody falls through a gap and parents are financially able to work. The UK's system on the other hand allows crises to develop before it steps in by which time poverty is entrenched.

It's only fairly recently that we've started to see one or two children as the norm, something that's reflected on our falling birth rate. The last thing we need is to encourage fewer children to be born, not if we want any kind of functioning society in the years to come.