Are we crap with money?

[Absolutleynot]

Hoping to settle a difference of opinion between me and DH. We have a joint income of around 4500 per month. Bills are around 1500 inc mortgage then on top of that theres childcare at 200 pm, car finance at 150 and his child maintance to his ex at 150. We run two cars. We have around 5k in savings and i feel we should have more. He thinks we are good with money and there are no issues.

If your DH can’t be bothered to budget, that doesn’t mean that you can’t do it.

do you have a joint account that the bills are paid from? If you do, then I’d create a budget using historic data and the see how much you can realistically save each month. Set up a standing order and then he’ll presumably have to stop spending mindlessly.

if you don’t have a joint account, then presumably you have agreed how you split bills. This leaves you the autonomy to do your own budget which includes personal savings.

have you ever jointly considered how you’ll move to a bigger place as your DC grow? Or how you’ll afford if they want to go uni? Or how you’ll replace the car when it packs up? Surely you’ve some sort of plan?

That’s not a low income at all! We have that spare every month too. But we save about £400 excluding that.

Based on info I'd say yes you should be a saving approx 1k pm
(So 10k-15k pa)

@Absolutleynot Have you tried allocating money for expenses that might come up?

We recently set up pots within a Monzo account & a Hyperjar account. You can name the pots & put money away each month to cover those inevitable expenses like:
Car maintenance
Holidays
Birthdays
Christmas
Uniform/ clothes
House repairs
Hair cuts/ treatments

Even if you add fairly small amounts each month, it does add up & it's not so difficult when an expense pops up unexpectedly.

Yes and with that monthly income your deadbeat of a husband needs to be paying way more maintenance

This sounds to me like he's got something he's hiding
Drugs gambling or women

We earn more than that and have nothing in savings. However, our mortgage alone is over £1300, council tax band D, one car one finance the other needing repairs quite often, travel costs including bus pass for eldest, kids clubs, food (3 children). When we calculate all the costs we end up with about £500 disposable income each month but it always

Have you included food in your bills? What about kids clubs (music lessons, drama, sport)? Then there's kids clothes, shoes, school trips, bus money? Entertainment, cinema, eating out etc..
Home repairs, holidays, birthdays, Christmas....it all adds up so I can see how it's hard to save, especially these days....

I agree with the commentator saying track your actual expenses. It sounds like you’re fixed expenses come to about 2000 a month. What what you need to figure out is what you’re spending on not fixed expenses-gas, groceries, things like MOT/new car battery- usually there’s something every month in that kind of a category even if it’s not always the same thing. With the information you’ve added I think you can assume groceries and just things that come up add another thousand on top of that 2000. If you have any subscriptions, that’ll add. If he routinely gives his kids money on top of the child support-for sport, for new kit, etc…. All of those things add up and are part of a normal budget actually. Which is why you tend to wanna keep your housing expenses to a third or a half of your take home- sounds like you’re right on target there. You’re just interested in figuring out where the rest of the money goes and if you can save more-which is a good goal!

We have a similar level of bills but less coming in each month and save about £800 a month and sometimes overpay the mortgage as well.

If you aren't good at saving, would you be better to treat it as a bill? Pay the £500 into a different account on pay day. You can often get good interest rates on easy savers attached to current accounts (usually for up to £5k ISH) so you don't have to lock it away in terms of penalties for withdrawal immediately.

It sounds like you are good at bills but then spend whatever is less. I think you naturally adjust behaviour when looking at a smaller figure and forgo the coffee and other incidental spending.

Are you paying for holidays etc out of the surplus? Your other option is accounts that let you have pots for different types of spending but that may be a step too far for your DH initially.

Prices are really high these days but as a guide I have read you should each be putting half your age (so 20% if you are 40) into your pensions. This is well worth doing as you save the tax on that money and then it grows without you doing anything.

One of my old pensions has almost trebled in the last 10 years without me putting any more money into it. Between that and the tax not paid I have received a large six-figure sum on it for doing nothing except saving a bit of money. It’s so worth doing it early because then the money works for you.
If your husband won’t save, don’t let him stop you paying into your pension and looking after yourself…

You sound like a delight , yes your savings are low considering you are ripping his other childs mam off while, also the fact he won’t let you sort the finances out screams red flags allll over , you want to hope one day your not only getting 150 a month off him

I suggest you have a look at the rebel finance school. It is on YouTube and is free. It completely changed my outlook on my salary and what to do with the money I have saved. I now have a plan in place to get me to where I need to be!

I'm glad you have said that.

Mumsnet is truly delusional about salaries.

I think people on here need to spend some time looking at jobs boards and the salaries offered. And looking at national statistics of income.

I’m not as much as an arsehole as your DH is. I have just slagged him off, I haven’t left my child in financial poverty.

I don't know if this will help you or not but it's what i do.ive written out all my bills. Every month on payday I put my share into the 'bills' account (shared bills), keep some in my personal bills account, then transfer the rest into a starling account. Starling because you can have separate 'spaces' within the account. I seperate all my money into things I need to save for, car, Christmas etc etc. I also have a space called 'weekly pay', every Friday I pay myself 1/4 of my alloted spending money. When it's been a year and I've paid what I need to out of these accounts I'll put it into a high interest savings account. It absolutely works for me, obviously it may not for you but it might help you figure out where your money is going. Maybe you can get your husband onboard with it too. Good luck.

you have no idea what the financial state of his child is though?!!

We use YNAB and it means we know where every penny goes. That bill that has to be paid next January? We are saving a set amount now.
its a brilliant system and has revolutionized our finances.

You said that your DH “wouldn’t be on board with” setting a budget for the month. Does that mean that YOU are unable to do so, without his input? Ie, do YOU have access to the bank accounts and statements? (Im asking because being denied that access is classed as “financial abuse” and can be hard to see when you’re in that position). You mention “joint income”, does that mean that you contribute into the pot, with a wage? Do you make your own pension contributions? Are they on a par with your DHs? (My own were based on my low/ part time salary, due to being the primary caregiver for our children, this left me at a financial disadvantage when we divorced).
I’m personally not very good with money, never have been, not proud of it, just a statement of fact. If it comes in, it goes out. There’s always something that needs to be paid for, for the house/ one of the kids/ vet bills/ the car etc etc. I have no savings at all (apart from my pension). I live month to month. I also spend too much of my income on “eating out”/ takeaway/ socialising. I don’t keep a tight track of spending. I know that I should do. I bury my head in the sand and worry about it at the end of the month. Whether you want to change things, is really up to you. You’ve been given some good advice about how to track your spending, but this only works if you have access to that information.
(with regards to your DH paying £150 to his ex, it sounds as if the child has in effect, been adopted by his ex’s new partner, with no permission given by your DH, and regardless is no one else’s business. Ignore those slating your DH over this, it has no bearing on your question).
Simple answer - You ARE “crap with money”, not because you spend it all, but because you don’t know where it goes. But you are not alone, and no judgement here. In an ideal world, we should all have some savings to fall back on.

Budget. Give every £1 a job to do. You can also budget for spending / pocket money each - the rest goes to savings.

Honestly, this is the time to decide when you want to semi / retire in your 50s or when you're nearly 70.

it would also help if people here didn’t pretend they were earning 200k per year and “still struggling” - it’s obvious rage bait.

it’s my belief that a lot of these posters aren’t real and they’re just fake posts to drive engagement but it really just makes people like OP feel shit.

she’s getting a really rough time of it on here for people giving her husband a kicking for not contributing to his other kids and it’s really not the point here. she’s come for help with tracking her money and nobody seems to want to give her it

I agree, it’s not great taste. We earn 140k between us, 2k mortgage, 2dc and we are feeling absolutely fine. Plenty to spend and plenty to save. Tbh we are not feeling any pinch. (Very lucky I know!) so when people say they are earning more and struggling I find it odd.
Private school is a choice, we don’t send ours to one as there is none in our area, and even if there was we wouldn’t. If we did though…I wouldn’t use that expense to then complain I’m broke.

Tbf lots of ppl have offered advice.

It’s difficult to offer more specific suggestions if they don’t want to give us a more detailed breakdown of costs. And not including food and petrol for work in basic “bills” doesn’t

Haha doesn’t help as posters are reading the op and assuming they have 2.5k fun money which they really don’t.

If you don't know what happens the rest then you are not good with money. That's not a criticism, it can be hard to get into the habit of tracking every penny, but if you aren't budgeting all your paycheck and sticking to that budget then no, you are not good with money. You might not be in financial trouble, but you're just coasting.