Are we crap with money?

[Absolutleynot]

Hoping to settle a difference of opinion between me and DH. We have a joint income of around 4500 per month. Bills are around 1500 inc mortgage then on top of that theres childcare at 200 pm, car finance at 150 and his child maintance to his ex at 150. We run two cars. We have around 5k in savings and i feel we should have more. He thinks we are good with money and there are no issues.

So your DH is happy to have a potential £24k a year unaccounted for? OK if you can account for it - lots of lots of lots of posh coffees, you’re both walking round dripping gold, but to have it unaccounted for?
Does all your income hit the bank the same day? If so, remove the £2k immediately and put it in a instant transfer savings account and just see what happens.

1500 on mortgage and bills seems low

have you included everything

having 2,5k spare a month so £30k in a year unanswered for is awful and shocking

150 cms is very low considering it’s 12/14% of gross wage for 1/2kids - not sure how he fiddles that but I can assure you his ex will be spending much more then that on their joint kid/s

print off 3mth statements and mark /write everything spent

Would love to know your breakdown of costs or money saving tips. We have around 4k income, if we are careful we could just about save 1k a month but we wouldn't be able to do the holidays too. How are you managing those too?

I can see how you can easily get through your income. But 5k in savings is way too little for comfort. If one of you looses your job you’re going to be in trouble pretty quickly. I’d want that to be at least 55k (12 months of expenditure), and that’s without having a savings goal for maintaining the house (replacing roof/boiler/car/washing machine/etc.) or for longer term goals like career change/2nd child/holiday home/sailing boat/university fees…

No one is fiddling anything its a private arrangment. She toddled back off to her home country when their child was a baby without telling him that was her intention. She's stayed over there, remarried and had more children. Changed the kids last name to her new husnands too.

Save for what ?-we have £8k a month income and despite us having spent every penny we earn every month we have somehow ended up with 3 properties we own worth £1.5 m ,which the state will take to fund our care if we require it .
live for today -that’s my advice

@MightyGoldBearI always do flights and accommodation separately. We stay in places like Pierre et Vacances, which are budget friendly self catering, and I try to book at times when the local children are in school, because it is much cheaper. (Although I don’t take the DCs out of school for holidays).
UK holidays are usually city breaks staying in budget hotels, or glamping/airbnb. It does take a while to find the good stuff. We once stayed on a boat for a week in the centre of Oxford for a couple of hundred pounds.

You need to have a complete budget @Absolutleynot first every single expense. Here’s ours;
Me 3100
DH 4100
CB 280
Total 7480

Housing
Mortgage: 1900.
Insurances(life, house): 150
Property tax: 50
Total Housing: 2100
Utilities
Electricity 150
Waste collection: 25
Broadband & TV: 70
Mobile phones x3: 60
Total Utilities: 305
Food & Groceries
Groceries & household food: 500
Dining out / takeaways: 200
Total Food: 700
Transportation
Fuel: 150
Car insurance & tax: 150
Maintenance & NCT: 100
Public transport / Parking: 20
Total Transport: 420
Education & Kids
School books, uniforms, fees: 50
Activities, sports, clubs: 55
Pocket money/treats: 60
Total Kids & Education: 165
Entertainment & Lifestyle
Family outings, hobbies, gifts: 250
Subscriptions: 20
Miscellaneous expenses (haircuts etc): 60
Personal spends:250x 2 = 500
Total Entertainment: 830
Savings & Miscellaneous
Emergency fund / Savings: 2,000
Holidays (monthly allocation): 500
Clothing: 200
Miscellaneous buffer: 300
Total Savings & Misc.: 3,000
TOTAL MONTHLY SPENDING: 7,480

we revisit this every 6months

Then your DH should be setting aside money in a savings account for his child since £2.5k of his household income is apparently spare and vanishing into thin air.

Why does the fact the child lives in another country with his mum and stepfather mean it’s ok for his biological father to pay a pittance?

Some posters should maybe read all the OP’s posts. She has confirmed that the figure for bills does not include food or petrol so the £2.5k is certainly not spare. If she put that in a savings ac each month they would all be a bit hungry.

What the fuck has it got to do with you or anyone else? Its a private arangement that they both agreed on. At the time she was leaving him high and dry with the full cost of the mortgage and bills and even paying that was a struggle! How judgemental are some people without knowing the facts? Why do some people latch on to one little thing and make it all about that on here when its not even the purpose of the thread.
His ex has no issues with the payment and he sends her money at birthdays xmas etc.

Of course £4500 net per month isn't a "low income"

To answer your question @Absolutleynot , I have to agree with many others, that if you don't know how you are spending £2500pm / £30K then yes, that does sound like you are "crap with money".
Not really for anyone else to say how much you "should" save every month - some people value having plenty of holidays, others value eating out, others value having newer cars, other want to be refurbishing kitchens or other decor, others want their dc to have music lessons or other expensive hobbies, others have a goal of paying off the mortgage asap.
Nor do we know how old you are, how old dc is, if you plan more dc, how long you have on your mortgage, how secure your jobs are, etc etc etc
BUT it is the 'not knowing' where half your income goes every month that makes you really bad with money.

Like others, I would look back over the last 3 months and find out what you are spending on / where it is going. You and your dh might well be happy with what you spend, but you might be quite shocked at how much goes on X or Y. Either way, I'd want to know.

I think you need more in savings. You have one month buffer only …

Me too. I think through this post we've discovered that we do know where some of the money goes as i didnt include fuel or food, car maintance in my orginal 'the bills are 1500' calculation. I'd like to start with saving £500 per month and take it from there
I think 4.4k income is "mumsnet low" as there do seem to be a lot of high earners on here.

That may be so but he should still provide for his child

and at £150 that is way lower than 12% which is what cms legally advise

Lovely replies from op

Arseholes and what the fuck has it got to do with you

let’s hope you never split with the Prince and have to support your children on £150 a month

but back to your original question if you didn’t add food that’s maybe another 500 a month so still leaving £2k a month unanswered for

yes you get the odd car bill or household expense but to not know where £1.5/2k go every month is crap yes

Petrol, food, takeaways, DIY, clothes, toiletries, child activities, holidays or trips, alcohol, birthdays and Christmas, barbecues, bits and bobs for around the house, coffees with friends, cinema outings, treats, haircuts, makeup and sanitary products, prescriptions…. You get the picture. Life is expensive and I think you are doing well.

Fair enough then we are crap with money. And anyone would be angry with the judgemental rubbish that gets pushed on here. Every persons circumstances are different. Be kind hey?

This £150 a month is a woeful contribution to bringing up a child.

Nothing to do with me or anyone else here but you posted on a public forum so you’ll have to take the rough with the smooth when it comes to responses my dear. People are quite rightly pointing out that your ‘D’H makes a pitiful contribution towards the upkeep of his child. It seems to have a hit a nerve. Perhaps deep down you know it’s unacceptable?

Or, if you’re sensible, you’re concerned about what is likely to happen if you ever split up. Namely you can expect fuck all in child support from this prince who cannot manage his money and has refused your attempts to sort out your finances. Doesn’t bode well for your future whichever way you look at it. I’d think about setting up a separate account and setting aside money straight from your salary if I were you.

Be kind ? People have been

you have been rude in your replies to people

arseholes and what the fuck does it have to do with you

but honestly £150 is piss poor to send due to the amount of income

be different if dh earns a lot less but to have a possible thousand a month spare and not know where it goes when he could even double it and send £300 , is tbh poor

Well people made sarcastic comments like "what a keeper" i would venture to say that people that judge another persons entire character on one action are in fact, arseholes. As ive explained he gave what he could at the time and his ex has never had an issue with the payment. Its very reductionist to bring pick at one issue in someones entire budget, its just not relevant to the overall issue.

he Gave what he could at the time

fair enough

But now obv earns more a should give more. It’s his child !!

even if as @Eastie77Returns says he puts int an account for them and gives at 18

What is wrong with you to keep carping on about the same issue? It's not your bloody child is it? The post was "are we crap with money" not " is my husband an awful person for giving his ex £150 child maintance"

Both can apply

I just think that dads should pay for their kids esp if money is there

different if no money - but seems there is

You don’t have to reply to me - I’m just replying back to you

that’s how mn works - people post. People reply to what they read