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Original poster

Sorting out a will, he has kids I dont

64 replies

Pippaandme · 04/02/2026 14:49

Was wondering if someone could shed some light on this. My partner and I are getting a place together, he is selling his house, and I am selling mine soon.

Whatever he makes from it, we are drafting up his deposit and whatever I make on mine I am putting in that percentage too, so its fair.

We are engaged too and he has 2 kids from 2 different women. Hoping to get married in the next 2 years time. However my dad and myself are a stickler for drafting up contracts whereas this annoys my partner but he has now come round to this idea if he wants to get married, I dont have rose tinted glasses on I kind of want this to be fair on both parts, not that its a nice topic to discuss.

At the moment his will states that both of his kids get his money when he dies etc. He said if he goes first, he will change his will and the money goes to me and if I then go after him he said he would want whatever is left to go to his kids. Which is fine by me.

I have quite a lot of money coming from my parents inheritance wise and dont want this to go to his kids when I go and he goes too so my parents money is given to his kids once we both go.

I would want this to go to a charity, is this bad, as not too sure what to do/suggest.

He said he would like me to give the rest to his kids when I go as we are after all dead and we wont know he is assuming what I get from my parents too. However my dad has worked incredibly hard over the years and I dont currently have any bond with my partners kids and this wouldnt sit right with me and I believe I need to get this drafted up mentioning whatever I have from my side of the family would need to go to my sibling, my brother but again we arent close either. so can I send this off to say a dog charity as this would sit well with me :)
Anyone's thoughts? as I wanted to get this right in terms of what is drafted in a will and also houses too.
thank you for reading.

OP posts:
akkakk · 04/02/2026 14:52

One method might be for your parents to put that money in trust for your use while you are alive - but to go to a dogs home etc. when you die... ie they control its destiny - will avoid any issues

Original poster
Pippaandme · 04/02/2026 14:53

akkakk · 04/02/2026 14:52

One method might be for your parents to put that money in trust for your use while you are alive - but to go to a dogs home etc. when you die... ie they control its destiny - will avoid any issues

Thank you, appreciate your help I will discuss this with my parents they may have already done this and not mentioned it to me yet, but will have a chat!

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 04/02/2026 14:53

I really think you should each see Solicitor to sort out your financial position.

I would also point out that, in most circumstances – and your solicitor will advise about this - if you die first, your partner can do anything they want with what they have. This includes making a new will.

SargeMarge · 04/02/2026 15:01

He needs to have things written so his money goes to his kids when he dies, not to you. Because once he is gone, you can do whatever you want with that money and what if you spend a similar amount during the rest of your life? You can then say, “I spent his, the rest is mine and goes to charity so his kids get nothing.”

It just doesn’t work.

His money and share of this house goes to his kids, but you have the right to live in the house for the rest of your life (they’ll get their share of the house if you ever sell or when you die). Your money goes to charity and your share of the house goes to charity and he has the right to live in it for the rest of his life.

If you want him to have the benefit of your money once your die, then you need to accept that he can do what he wants with it and you can force him to leave it to charity.

You can’t leave the money to each other because it sounds like if he does, his money won’t end up with his kids as you will leave it to charity.

Tiswa · 04/02/2026 15:03

Remember as well getting married invalidates any previous will unless you include the fact you are getting married (a contemplation of marriage clause)

decide what you want and get proper legal advice this needs it

VacayDreamer · 04/02/2026 15:05

I would definitely consult a solicitor from a reputable and well established firm AND I’d ask for the advice in writing even if it costs more. Don’t wing this with cheap advice.

Snoken · 04/02/2026 15:06

Why are you even getting married? You don't have a bond with his children, who are presumably the most important people in his life, and you are not wanting to inherit from each other (main financial reason to get married). It sounds like what you are saying is that you want to inherit from him if he dies first, but you don't want him to inherit from you because if he did he will leave the money to his kids.

It would be far easier to just remain partners and not marry.

HoppityBun · 04/02/2026 15:09

Snoken · 04/02/2026 15:06

Why are you even getting married? You don't have a bond with his children, who are presumably the most important people in his life, and you are not wanting to inherit from each other (main financial reason to get married). It sounds like what you are saying is that you want to inherit from him if he dies first, but you don't want him to inherit from you because if he did he will leave the money to his kids.

It would be far easier to just remain partners and not marry.

It would be far easier to just remain partners and not marry.

Not if you’re muddling up finances together, without any clear understanding or discussion or advice to consider who contributes what, on what basis and what happens if you separate / die.

Marriage is a contract designed to deal with precisely these issues.

user37597473785 · 04/02/2026 15:09

Seems a bit unfair on his children - he dies, and you inherit all his assets, and then you leave it all to charity? Yet you’re not prepared to see him, and in due course his children inherit your money.

I’m not sure you should be marrying/moving in with someone if you don't wholeheartedly trust them.

SargeMarge · 04/02/2026 15:12

HoppityBun · 04/02/2026 15:09

It would be far easier to just remain partners and not marry.

Not if you’re muddling up finances together, without any clear understanding or discussion or advice to consider who contributes what, on what basis and what happens if you separate / die.

Marriage is a contract designed to deal with precisely these issues.

Show quote history

Marriage really doesn’t deal with any of that. Money only comes into it on divorce or death. It does nothing during the marriage.

They’ll have a contract for the mortgage and protect their deposits so that’s easy to sort if they split up. Contributions to bills etc will need to be sorted, but marriage makes no difference in that or helping to enforce anything.

Marriage really is for financially protection in death. And they don’t want their money to end up with each other. He wants his to go to his kids and she wants hers to go to charity. There really isn’t any need for marriage here.

They can make their own wills and just make sure the details of the house being inherited are sorted. Marriage complicates it.

Snoken · 04/02/2026 15:13

HoppityBun · 04/02/2026 15:09

It would be far easier to just remain partners and not marry.

Not if you’re muddling up finances together, without any clear understanding or discussion or advice to consider who contributes what, on what basis and what happens if you separate / die.

Marriage is a contract designed to deal with precisely these issues.

Show quote history

Yes, but she wants to inherit from him but not let him inherit from her. So it's better to just remain partners and buy a house together where they each own a percentage depending on what they put it and then keep the rest of the finances separate. He can then give his children his share when he dies and she can give her share to a charity.

lizziebuck · 04/02/2026 15:15

Buy tenants in Common and his will states his half of the house goes to his kids but is in trust so you can live there until death/remarriage. Your half goes to Battersea dogs home but in trust etc.

Jellybunny56 · 04/02/2026 15:15

SargeMarge · 04/02/2026 15:01

He needs to have things written so his money goes to his kids when he dies, not to you. Because once he is gone, you can do whatever you want with that money and what if you spend a similar amount during the rest of your life? You can then say, “I spent his, the rest is mine and goes to charity so his kids get nothing.”

It just doesn’t work.

His money and share of this house goes to his kids, but you have the right to live in the house for the rest of your life (they’ll get their share of the house if you ever sell or when you die). Your money goes to charity and your share of the house goes to charity and he has the right to live in it for the rest of his life.

If you want him to have the benefit of your money once your die, then you need to accept that he can do what he wants with it and you can force him to leave it to charity.

You can’t leave the money to each other because it sounds like if he does, his money won’t end up with his kids as you will leave it to charity.

Edited

This.

The only way really is to keep it as his money upon death goes to his kids, yours goes to X charity.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2026 15:19

user37597473785 · 04/02/2026 15:09

Seems a bit unfair on his children - he dies, and you inherit all his assets, and then you leave it all to charity? Yet you’re not prepared to see him, and in due course his children inherit your money.

I’m not sure you should be marrying/moving in with someone if you don't wholeheartedly trust them.

This. If I've read it right. He need to protect his children.

And I dont currently have any bond with my partners kids. Are they children or adults? Because if they're children you need to work on some kind of positive relationship before moving or marrying!

OldPosterNewName2025 · 04/02/2026 15:21

Wills can be ripped up and changed so I would want everything dealt with by a solicitor to ensure your share is protected.

Anxioustealady · 04/02/2026 15:22

"At the moment his will states that both of his kids get his money when he dies etc. He said if he goes first, he will change his will and the money goes to me and if I then go after him he said he would want whatever is left to go to his kids. Which is fine by me"

Does this mean, you get all his money, and then if you spend it all his children get whatever is left (£0)?

SargeMarge · 04/02/2026 15:23

OldPosterNewName2025 · 04/02/2026 15:21

Wills can be ripped up and changed so I would want everything dealt with by a solicitor to ensure your share is protected.

I’m much more concerned about this man protected his share that he wants his children to have.

Portabello99 · 04/02/2026 15:24

Depending how much you may need consider inheritance tax especially when inherit more.
You can leave your share of the house/£ to who you want but give him a right to live in house until he dies and vice versa - then the money is distributed on second death. This stops one of you being turfed out of the house when elderly.

MyMilchick · 04/02/2026 15:25

His poor kids, he really needs to protect an inheritance for them better.

Liondoesntsleepatnight · 04/02/2026 15:26

They are his children, in your shoes if I was getting married then I would want a relationship with them and happily leave them the inheritance (if I had no DC) otherwise I wouldn’t be getting married

OldPosterNewName2025 · 04/02/2026 15:44

SargeMarge · 04/02/2026 15:23

I’m much more concerned about this man protected his share that he wants his children to have.

Show quote history

Yes. What I mean is that wills can’t be relied upon so everyone’s intentions need to be properly documented.

MammaTo · 04/02/2026 16:02

So if he dies first all of his money will go to you, but when you die you want it to go to the dogs home and not his kids?

Tessasanderson · 04/02/2026 16:09

Just had our wills completed. It was very straightforward. Inherit each others proportion and then 50/50 to the children.

The one situation that did confuse me was when the solicitor asked who we wanted it all to go to if me and my partner PLUS our 2 children were in a car crash and all died. Technically it goes up the tree, not down.

I know, we would all be dead but i had more trouble with this one than any of the other stuff.

G00dnightJimBob · 04/02/2026 16:13

You should get married if you have children to protect yourself

cupfinalchaos · 04/02/2026 16:16

lizziebuck · 04/02/2026 15:15

Buy tenants in Common and his will states his half of the house goes to his kids but is in trust so you can live there until death/remarriage. Your half goes to Battersea dogs home but in trust etc.

This sounds sensible. He knows you have no bond with his children but still expects them to inherit your parents’ money? Nice try!