Sorting out a will, he has kids I dont

[Pippaandme]

Was wondering if someone could shed some light on this. My partner and I are getting a place together, he is selling his house, and I am selling mine soon.

Whatever he makes from it, we are drafting up his deposit and whatever I make on mine I am putting in that percentage too, so its fair.

We are engaged too and he has 2 kids from 2 different women. Hoping to get married in the next 2 years time. However my dad and myself are a stickler for drafting up contracts whereas this annoys my partner but he has now come round to this idea if he wants to get married, I dont have rose tinted glasses on I kind of want this to be fair on both parts, not that its a nice topic to discuss.

At the moment his will states that both of his kids get his money when he dies etc. He said if he goes first, he will change his will and the money goes to me and if I then go after him he said he would want whatever is left to go to his kids. Which is fine by me.

I have quite a lot of money coming from my parents inheritance wise and dont want this to go to his kids when I go and he goes too so my parents money is given to his kids once we both go.

I would want this to go to a charity, is this bad, as not too sure what to do/suggest.

He said he would like me to give the rest to his kids when I go as we are after all dead and we wont know he is assuming what I get from my parents too. However my dad has worked incredibly hard over the years and I dont currently have any bond with my partners kids and this wouldnt sit right with me and I believe I need to get this drafted up mentioning whatever I have from my side of the family would need to go to my sibling, my brother but again we arent close either. so can I send this off to say a dog charity as this would sit well with me :)
Anyone's thoughts? as I wanted to get this right in terms of what is drafted in a will and also houses too.
thank you for reading.

Sounds like it'd be simpler to have seperate finances but pay jointly on the house so rhat if he dies first his capital goes to the kids immediately and eventually his portion of the house after your death.

I dont want to inherit from him at all, this was, if he died he said I would have this share with his kids too, it was not myself saying I want it per se, sorry might have come across differently there but its more Im happy for him to have mine, but I dont want it to go to his kids if we both go, its more because of my father and how hard he has worked and what this means to him too. Im more than happy for him to give it all to the kids its just from my dad I dont want to share with his kids, so maybe getting married would indeed complicate things!

yes I think this makes sense too!

so he said this, I said no give it to your kids, but he said if we are married then shouldnt it go to you, Im really not fussed, but its because I dont have kids that I felt my dad's money, which is a large proportion more than his, shouldnt go to someone else's kids. I dont mind having nothing from him, when he goes, so I didnt want this to be complicated, it just, I guess can be harder, when kids are involved when you dont have any yourself!

It really would and you would have to basically spell it out to him that you want to be a financial entity with him but you don't consider his kids as part of your family. As a parent, there is no way I would marry someone who thought that way. You can still share a life together, you can buy property together, make wills, assign next of kin, but don't get married unless you are willing to view you as one entity.

I know easier said than done but his kids are not easy, exes are also involved who are not nice and neither of them are really investing their time due to their mums and how they act, one being very spoilt and difficult the other just doesnt talk, so I have tried its just not there....yet I guess!

I understand but wants to give to myself when he dies I would prefer he gives to the kids, hence why its probably easier if we dont marry, if he didnt have kids then yes it would be so much easier I guess. One of his kids is really horrible which is a shame, she is a really nasty i would love to say poor kids too but not always as easy as it sounds.

Isn't it more likely that he just isn't such a brilliant dad than that he has had kids with two crazy exes? This is going to be a lifetime of unhappiness. He comes with children, whether you like it or not.

I can’t get over him cutting his kids out and leaving it to you which you seem quite happy about
yet you don’t want (which is fair enough) his kids to have any of your money when your gone
you want your cake and eat it

They are adults, one not being nice at all, I have tried and still currently trying its not been easy!

I actually dont, it was his suggestion, Im more than happy to have nothing of his, its actually myself who has more money with my family if we have to go into who has what, so I dont need his money, Im wanting to protect my dads!

He needs to protect his kids, not you.

Then if he goes first and has written his ridiculous idea of a will, you can do a variation and divert the money to his kids.

You should also consider what happens if you divorce after you've inherited from your dad. As depending on time together etc etc etc this may be viewed as part of the marital pot.

Poor kids, it sounds like they have a difficult mother, an avoidant father and now a step mother who is contracting against their inheritance.

Beware OP and research your chosen "charity" well. DHs granny wanted to leave a lot of money to a charity and when I did a bit of a look it turned out they spent over 80% of their donations on staffing more fundraising. She left it to the hospice instead, which was much more appropriate.

@Pippaandme Just to flag this up, but any will you make now becomes invalid upon marriage …so a will and any financial agreements you make should reflect your current situation…which sounds like you wish your share of the house you are buying , goes to charity? However this would mean the joint house would need to be sold so you need to look at each of you being able to stay in the property until eg. death…you also need to reconsider re-marriage. Personally if I was going to move in with a man who has 2 kids by 2 different women, (and considering that you dislike his children and have no relationship with them) I would be keeping my own property!

My DH has children and I have no children but a substantial amount of money from inheritances from my family. DH also has inherited money.
We own a house together.
Our wills say that if I die first, he will keep the jointly owned house and a small proportion of my money. The lion's share of my money will go to my family and to charities.
Ditto if he dies first, with his money going to his children.
We each have willed that if we die second, half of the value of any house we own at the time goes to to the heirs of the other partner, with everything else going to our own heirs.
It isn't perfect but feels OK to us. Of course one of us could change our will (but we trust each other not to), or use up all our assets including the house in care fees. But it means that neither of us will have to leave the home we bought together when the other one dies, and that if we do we can afford to buy something else, which feels important. I would not have got married without this protection. The marriage would feel meaningless. Having a life interest in my home but losing half its value if I needed to move, would be grim.

You will all be dead at this stage no one will know where their money has gone

Why is this the only post you have responded to @Pippaandme are you going to come back and clarify anything!?

edited to add my phone hadn’t updated so didn’t see @Pippaandme had come back

Undoubtedly get legal advice.
What ages are you and are you sure you want to pool resources with him, and get married???
His kids should definitely be in line for his inheritance. And you should most certainly have a choice about where your wealth goes. You don't have to give anything to his kids. Getting married complicated it all for you, especially as you'll (presumably) be the 3rd most important person to him.

At the moment his will states that both of his kids get his money when he dies etc. He said if he goes first, he will change his will and the money goes to me and if I then go after him he said he would want whatever is left to go to his kids. Which is fine by me
This is appalling! He dies, you get his money, you spend al his money, his children get bugger all!

You need proper advice. He shouldn’t be leaving his share to you, he should be getting a tenants in common mortgage and stipulating his share of house goes to his kids. If he leaves it to you, he is then trusting you leave it to them, which you may or may not do. He can stipulate you live in house for 5yrs etc, but sounds like you’ll have plenty of money to pay them their share without selling.

Your inheritance money is yours to do what you wish with. I don’t know how i’d feel if my spouse was planning to leave their life savings to the dogs home over their step kids. That would change everything for me personally. Appreciate it’s not black and white and you’ve got to know them as adults. But i’d still find that hard to get my head around.

I cannot believe you’re thinking of marrying / moving in with a man when you are absolutely ambivalent towards his kids. Is there a reason for this?

WTF?! His poor kids.

If you are dead and obv your dad is to had his money - why do you care who has your dad’s money as you are both dead

surely your partner /kids would be the obvious choice

tho equally a cats home would sure love a huge donation

my house etc will go to mini blondes but if we both die (and doesn’t have kids) then my assets will be split between dh (now ex) older kids ie adult step kids

we will both be dead so don’t need it any more