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Original poster

Sorting out a will, he has kids I dont

64 replies

Pippaandme · 04/02/2026 14:49

Was wondering if someone could shed some light on this. My partner and I are getting a place together, he is selling his house, and I am selling mine soon.

Whatever he makes from it, we are drafting up his deposit and whatever I make on mine I am putting in that percentage too, so its fair.

We are engaged too and he has 2 kids from 2 different women. Hoping to get married in the next 2 years time. However my dad and myself are a stickler for drafting up contracts whereas this annoys my partner but he has now come round to this idea if he wants to get married, I dont have rose tinted glasses on I kind of want this to be fair on both parts, not that its a nice topic to discuss.

At the moment his will states that both of his kids get his money when he dies etc. He said if he goes first, he will change his will and the money goes to me and if I then go after him he said he would want whatever is left to go to his kids. Which is fine by me.

I have quite a lot of money coming from my parents inheritance wise and dont want this to go to his kids when I go and he goes too so my parents money is given to his kids once we both go.

I would want this to go to a charity, is this bad, as not too sure what to do/suggest.

He said he would like me to give the rest to his kids when I go as we are after all dead and we wont know he is assuming what I get from my parents too. However my dad has worked incredibly hard over the years and I dont currently have any bond with my partners kids and this wouldnt sit right with me and I believe I need to get this drafted up mentioning whatever I have from my side of the family would need to go to my sibling, my brother but again we arent close either. so can I send this off to say a dog charity as this would sit well with me :)
Anyone's thoughts? as I wanted to get this right in terms of what is drafted in a will and also houses too.
thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 05/02/2026 01:53

He needs to protect his kids. If he leaves to you. You could marry again and money /assets go to new partner and his kids get nothing 😢

CypressGrove · 05/02/2026 02:12

Pippaandme · 04/02/2026 16:50

I actually dont, it was his suggestion, Im more than happy to have nothing of his, its actually myself who has more money with my family if we have to go into who has what, so I dont need his money, Im wanting to protect my dads!

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Is it protecting your dads to give it all to a dog charity after you go? How is this better for your dad than it going to your stepchildren?

Tessasanderson · 05/02/2026 10:12

Pippaandme · 04/02/2026 16:31

I dont want to inherit from him at all, this was, if he died he said I would have this share with his kids too, it was not myself saying I want it per se, sorry might have come across differently there but its more Im happy for him to have mine, but I dont want it to go to his kids if we both go, its more because of my father and how hard he has worked and what this means to him too. Im more than happy for him to give it all to the kids its just from my dad I dont want to share with his kids, so maybe getting married would indeed complicate things!

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The more i read the OP responses the more i think i agree with her stance on this. It is not a given that the step children (adults) should get on with the step mum. That applies both ways and its pretty obvious that at best they are going to muddle along in the best way possible. In that scenario i fully agree the OP should protect her DF inheritance fully and tbh her own assets should be protected in whatever way she deems fit.

Its pretty black and white to me. Refuse to accept your future DH wishes that you will inherit everything if he dies. If he refuses then you will just have to gift them the share yourself. Become tenants in common and insist his children inherit his share of the new property. It sounds like you would be financially able to cope with any situation with your own proportion of the house and your fathers inheritance.

Make it clear your fathers inheritance will be ring fenced in whatever way you deem fit in your own will but it will not be going to DH or his children. The only thing left would be your share of the house if you passed first. Your choice again.

Snoken · 05/02/2026 11:33

Tessasanderson · 05/02/2026 10:12

The more i read the OP responses the more i think i agree with her stance on this. It is not a given that the step children (adults) should get on with the step mum. That applies both ways and its pretty obvious that at best they are going to muddle along in the best way possible. In that scenario i fully agree the OP should protect her DF inheritance fully and tbh her own assets should be protected in whatever way she deems fit.

Its pretty black and white to me. Refuse to accept your future DH wishes that you will inherit everything if he dies. If he refuses then you will just have to gift them the share yourself. Become tenants in common and insist his children inherit his share of the new property. It sounds like you would be financially able to cope with any situation with your own proportion of the house and your fathers inheritance.

Make it clear your fathers inheritance will be ring fenced in whatever way you deem fit in your own will but it will not be going to DH or his children. The only thing left would be your share of the house if you passed first. Your choice again.

Show quote history

I agree that they should come to any agreement they want to as long as they are both happy with it, but because of that they shouldn't marry since that makes them one financial entity. It would would make the whole thing much more complicated. Buying as tenants in common, writing wills, nominating each other as next of kin I think would make the most sense for them. He can then leave all of his assets to his kids and OP to whoever she wants to. It sounds like she will have enough assets to buy out his kids from the house should he die first.

MikeRafone · 05/02/2026 11:52

you can buy the new property so you both in it in a certain way, so buying the property as Tenants in common means that

he can leave his 50% share of the property to whoever he likes, it also means in the event of you going into a care home after he has died, only your half can be used for the care home costs as his benefactors already own the other half. It means you can't change your will and leave the entire house to a new husband either - as his children already own the other half of the house.

This also means you can leave your half of the house to who you want, whether it be the waitress in the local pub or a cats home.

MikeRafone · 05/02/2026 11:54

meant to add

go and get comprehensive will advise and explain your intention to purchase a property together and both want to safeguard what you leave to whom

croydon15 · 05/02/2026 18:57

SargeMarge · 04/02/2026 15:01

He needs to have things written so his money goes to his kids when he dies, not to you. Because once he is gone, you can do whatever you want with that money and what if you spend a similar amount during the rest of your life? You can then say, “I spent his, the rest is mine and goes to charity so his kids get nothing.”

It just doesn’t work.

His money and share of this house goes to his kids, but you have the right to live in the house for the rest of your life (they’ll get their share of the house if you ever sell or when you die). Your money goes to charity and your share of the house goes to charity and he has the right to live in it for the rest of his life.

If you want him to have the benefit of your money once your die, then you need to accept that he can do what he wants with it and you can force him to leave it to charity.

You can’t leave the money to each other because it sounds like if he does, his money won’t end up with his kids as you will leave it to charity.

Edited

This as he dies first you could deprive his DC of his money. You don't mention your age or if you're likely to have children yourself later on which would change things. Go to a solicitor and get things sorted as you wish for both of you.

GoldenPearls · 05/02/2026 21:06

Snoken · 04/02/2026 15:06

Why are you even getting married? You don't have a bond with his children, who are presumably the most important people in his life, and you are not wanting to inherit from each other (main financial reason to get married). It sounds like what you are saying is that you want to inherit from him if he dies first, but you don't want him to inherit from you because if he did he will leave the money to his kids.

It would be far easier to just remain partners and not marry.

I agree. You don't love this man enough , because his kids are no one to you and you don't want to leave them money. He does not love you enough, because he wants all his money to go to his kids only

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 05/02/2026 21:10

Don't marry him. He sounds as though he knows he is onto a real winner with you and he knows it.

You are not there to provide financial security for his various kids.That is his responsibility.

Your father can see to through him

CollieModdle · 05/02/2026 21:20

Your big risk is not Wills and what happens after death (because you can just leave your money to your siblings kids, charity etc) but the possibility of divorce.

An inheritance (from your Dad ) can remain yours and not a marital asset if you make sure none of it ever goes into a joint account and you never spend it on anything joint - e.g house improvements. But your other assets, pension, savings etc could be split with him if you were to divorce, (and his split with you - so OK if you have equal amounts and are both able to support yourselves.

In your shoes I would buy your house together (as tenants on common), work out between you and a solicitor how not to leave each other homeless when the first one dies, and not marry.

But I don't agree that you don't love someone just because you don't want your Dad's ££ to go to adult step kids rather than your nieces / nephews etc.

Marriage ia a legal and financial partnership so the small print is important. Not for the loved up moments but for the difficult moments, so i agree with you and your Dad,

But if you leave your assets to your Dp and die first, you can't control what happens after your death - he could just change his will and leave it all to his kids. Or re-marry. Remember Wills are just as much for the next 3 years if the worst happens - and widowed men re-marry! Likewise if your Dp / DH leaves all his assets to you, you could end up spending the lot - his and yours - on your care fees and his kids would get nothing.

Wakemeupinapril · 05/02/2026 21:22

Christ you aren't even married and he's got plans for your money already.
Time to put the brakes on your wedding plans imo.

tara66 · 05/02/2026 22:04

Re Leaving money to Charities -
Some of them are very aggressive and hound the executor/s to liquidate all the assets asap so they get their money. This has been in news recently when some
one sold a house at less than its value because so pressed by charity in Will to get cash.
Also some give pay v. large salaries to their employees and may spend the money in other ways you may not regard as true ''charity''.

KievLoverTwo · 05/02/2026 23:34

"I actually dont, it was his suggestion, "

because he knows you/your dad is being bloody minded and is sick of the subject?

"Im more than happy to have nothing of his, its actually myself who has more money with my family if we have to go into who has what, so I dont need his money, Im wanting to protect my dads!"

all I see here is my dad this, my family that. Your family seem to have a distasteful level of influence over your life decisions.

If he is so concerned about who will be the eventual recipient, he should chose others to give the money to, and not wedge a massive splinter between a newly forming family off the back of who he does or does not want his "hard earned" money to go to.

You have chosen this man as your life partner, and your dad needs to adjust his attitude, come to terms with the outcome, and give you more respect, if this is who it is all coming from.

This is no different to "we will disinherit you if we don't see the grandkids more often/you dare to speak your mind/you don't take me shopping once a week for the next twenty years."

It's inheritance with emotional blackmail, with terms and conditions, and it's quite unpleasant for your new life.

Inpaineveryday · 06/02/2026 17:14

Pippaandme · 04/02/2026 14:49

Was wondering if someone could shed some light on this. My partner and I are getting a place together, he is selling his house, and I am selling mine soon.

Whatever he makes from it, we are drafting up his deposit and whatever I make on mine I am putting in that percentage too, so its fair.

We are engaged too and he has 2 kids from 2 different women. Hoping to get married in the next 2 years time. However my dad and myself are a stickler for drafting up contracts whereas this annoys my partner but he has now come round to this idea if he wants to get married, I dont have rose tinted glasses on I kind of want this to be fair on both parts, not that its a nice topic to discuss.

At the moment his will states that both of his kids get his money when he dies etc. He said if he goes first, he will change his will and the money goes to me and if I then go after him he said he would want whatever is left to go to his kids. Which is fine by me.

I have quite a lot of money coming from my parents inheritance wise and dont want this to go to his kids when I go and he goes too so my parents money is given to his kids once we both go.

I would want this to go to a charity, is this bad, as not too sure what to do/suggest.

He said he would like me to give the rest to his kids when I go as we are after all dead and we wont know he is assuming what I get from my parents too. However my dad has worked incredibly hard over the years and I dont currently have any bond with my partners kids and this wouldnt sit right with me and I believe I need to get this drafted up mentioning whatever I have from my side of the family would need to go to my sibling, my brother but again we arent close either. so can I send this off to say a dog charity as this would sit well with me :)
Anyone's thoughts? as I wanted to get this right in terms of what is drafted in a will and also houses too.
thank you for reading.

Why on earth is this man marrying you. You clearly have no interest in forming a bond with his children. As if you’d rather give to a dog charity over them.

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