No money at all

[AngelaBB]

My husband retired in August, I have been retired two years. He didn’t talk to me about retiring , just came home and said he had talked to HR and never went back to work.
He is hopeless with money, I gave to run everything and I find it exhausting. He hadn’t bothered to sort out his pension, although he told me that he had and just left it, we now have no money at all. He has finally sent the forms in but has been told that it will take at least six weeks to all come through. I have no money at all, used my overdraft facility and credit cards maxed out. He expects me to sort it out but I don’t know how. There literally is nothing in the pot. He can live like this but I can’t, he thinks I’m over reacting and it’ll all work out but I’ve had enough. Am I being unreasonable?

It does sound like he has been very unreasonable, but, how can there 'be no money' ?
Where is your pension and retirement planning in all of this ?

How much is your pension OP?

Why did he retire without talking it through with you? I’d be furious. Will you have enough to live off when his pension comes through?

How old are you both, why did you retire 2 years before him? What is your pension income each month?

He sounds neurodivergent.

i just get the state pension, I retired two years earlier because I’m two years older. We are living off my state pension, which is very difficult.

Cut off any access he has to cash. Food & bills only get paid for the next 6 weeks. No fun spends, no entertainment, no booze or treats.

Can you sell something to cover the 6 weeks (preferably his)?

Have you done a benefits calculator to see if you're entitled to anything?

Any children you could borrow from short term?

I'd be absolutely livid. He sounds witless.

Why did you retire if you can't live off your state pension?

I got too old to work. Demanding, physical job. I fully intended to work until I was 70, but I just couldn’t do it. Retired at 67.

Don't either of you have a workplace pension? Auto enrolment has been in place for nearly 10 years so you should have that as a minimum unless you opted out?

Other than that, are you entitled to any benefits if you only have basic state pensions, especially if you're renting or have health conditions.

What do you mean 'he can live like this'. Does he not eat or like to have heating, hot water and internet/TV services etc? However hopeless/neurodivergent he is, he understands those things cost money, surely?

Will things be easier when his pension comes through? Two state pensions can cover the basics reasonably well if you own your own home but obviously you need to be able to prioritise paying off the debts you've built up as well as hopefully being able to live more than a minimal lifestyle.

Why...

I didn’t make the comment but presumably because we often avoid things like this even when we know it’s foolish. I am the world’s worst business person. Do all of the work. Rarely bill for it. Even though I know I need to.

So was your husband subsidising you whilst he was still working?

So how are you surviving? What's your mortgage/rent budget?

No, he just sounds hopeless. It would drive me mad. I am amazed women continue to deal with these useless men.

How does this work in practice? Serious question. How do you manage to live working for free?

No. She got her state pension.

It’s crazy and I know. I really do. I do bill some stuff which is self contained one off work and I’m a high earner even just billing this stuff. It tends to be clients who have long ongoing matters. I let it build up and then feel I can’t bill it (even though legally I have six years).

DH is also a high earner and we are not particularly spendy people.

you will not be surprised to hear I haven’t done my tax return yet either. It’s like I have a mental block on this sort of stuff.

I have adhd and autism.

anyway sorry to hijack the thread Op, I was just making the point that the pp’s question about neurodivergence was actually not a stupid one.

I appreciate you replying. I'm only half-joking when I say you should hire someone to do business admin. Sorry to derail thread, OP.

Sounds like something went wrong at work and he panicked and left. If he’s 67 now it’s reasonable to retire though.

Six weeks to get his state pension? That sounds like a time frame in which you could manage something to bridge the gap. Shouldn’t be your problem of course!
There must be a private pension too? Can he take out a loan or overdraft for now?

FFS. Next you'll be telling the OP it sounds like he's got dementia.

So you both retired at state pension age, nothing wrong with that but he didn't bother to claim it in enough time, you generally get the notice of SP about 3 month or more before as it can take a while to come through, sounds like he didn't acknowledge this. you also generally have to claim a private pension in good time as well as these can also take a while. Just sounds a bit lazy, disorganised and probably been procrastinating about this. Bit like people leave tax to the last day, then the system goes down.

He didn’t talk to me about retiring , just came home and said he had talked to HR and never went back to work.
Sudden impulsive decision made without considering the consequences of it, is a sign of neurodivergence.

I agree that he might have gotten into trouble at work and fled. A lot of neurodivergent people get into trouble at work. And frequently.

He is hopeless with money.
Typical of ADHD.

I have to run everything and I find it exhausting.
Typical of ADHD. They find it hard to prioritise things.

He hadn’t bothered to sort out his pension, although he told me that he had and just left it, we now have no money at all.
Typical of ADHD. Thay hate forms and being asked lots of questions.

He has finally sent the forms in but has been told that it will take at least six weeks to all come through.
Timeblindness is typical of ADHD.

I have no money at all, used my overdraft facility and credit cards maxed out. He expects me to sort it out but I don’t know how.
They often leave partners to sort out problems. They avoid financial problem solving. They often have trouble with money.

There literally is nothing in the pot. He can live like this but I can’t, he thinks I’m over reacting and it’ll all work out but I’ve had enough.
They don't mind chaos and some of them don't mind going without food or forget about food.

He sounds like he needs a psychiatric evaluation.
How is his sleep?

LOL. MN is so polarised.
I am currently "supervising" an 86 year old lady who worked from 14 to 60 but whose husband ran the family. He is now dead and she has no idea how to manage her finances, which are substantial as she has his pension plus 2 of her own.
It beggars belief given her employment background (she worked for a bookie) that she is so useless and cannot understand how to budget for the regular and one off bills and keeps asking me to process her payments. I have thus set them up on DD as no way will I accept that risk and her children take no interest .in her day to day living

You could be entitled to pension credit to top up your state pension - do a benefits calculator like Turn2Us to see if you qualify. If you rent your home you could claim housing benefit. If you own your home, could you downsize to release equity? Any private pensions? Declutter to raise a few pounds? Forensically examine all outgoings to see if you can make any additional savings. I know it’s exhausting but someone has to grasp this particular nettle and it doesn’t sound like your DH is capable.