Hello,
Looking for some reassurance that I'm not the silly one here! My husband & I have a tiny house, one little toddling girl together.
Hubby also has a son, who turned 18 in the last week of November. The son's mother is also remarried, and they all live together.
Now I'm a big fan of Christmas, but not keen on buying large expensive presents, I just don't think it's necessary.
I do give my husband's son small gifts of money - £20 - at birthdays & Christmases.
This year, he was turning 18, and he wanted a quad bike. That's obviously a very expensive item, but he has saved up half the money he wants from two part-time jobs from the last year. Now he is 18, he also has access to the savings account set up for him by his parents.
I have no problem with a teenager saving up for something he wants, but the response from the adults around him seemed crazy to me. He has two parents, a step-father, and two grandparents, all of whom decided they must pitch in to contribute enough money that he can spend £6000 on this item which he wants - meaning the contribution between them all, over the birthday and Christmas, would be about £3000 in total.
I have said nothing harsh or unkind about this, but I did politely explain that I would not be handing over 100's (or 1000's!) of pounds as a Christmas present, and in my opinion it's odd for other people to do so - especially in the case of the step-father, who is not even related to the boy & has only known him 2 years.
None of these people are particularly wealthy- it's been a tricky year for us economically, the boy's mum works in a shop, the grandparents are not really well-off.
This is not my money, my husband gifted the money from his own account, and to be honest it's not the money which bothers me- it's the principle which feels wrong.
I would never want my daughter to be showered with money for frivolous things in this way.
I understand my husband wanting to do all he can for his son... but I just feel this is encouraging false expectations, lack of understanding of money and value, and careless spending.
He rarely contacts his dad, makes little effort to spend time with him, doesn't get on with his mum, and doesn't help out when he stays at our house. I feel that at the very least, there should be some level of reciprocity (e.g, helping to fix the car, mow the lawn etc.)
We haven't talked about it since I stated my opinion, but the son is staying with us for a few days now, and although his behaviour is never bad, there is a low level of respect and helpfulness that is rubbing me the wrong way after seeing such generosity from the other adult family members.
Not really looking to revisit the subject with my husband or his son (I think), but does anyone have any advice or even just reassurance that my position here is... normal?
And how should I handle this sort of issue in the future? We never argue about money... and I don't want to start now.