Funeral costs

[LML1989AL]

My dad has been diagnosed with cancer (told on Friday, so all very fresh/overwhelming) we are still waiting for treatment options/prognosis, he’s seeing a specialist nurse & consultant on Thursday.

I have a complex relationship with my dad, so discussing this with him at this moment in time isn’t something I can do. I’m not saying I won’t discuss it with him, just looking for some advice.

I can’t help but thinking of worst case scenario. If that does occur I know my dad has no savings, rents his home & receives UC/PIP.

I’m on maternity leave (so our savings are needed for bills)

My question is & I'm aware this comes across as insensitive but how will he have a funeral? I’ve been googling & it appears you only get help with paying with funeral costs if you (the person organising the funeral) receives benefits. Unless I’m interpreting this wrong.

He has no siblings. My grandmother (his mother) is alive but she is in the same financial situation. I’m his only child (he separated from my mother 30 years ago) So there is no one else who could pay for a funeral.

I feel awful writing this. It’s just been on my mind & causing me anxiety on top of worrying about his health.

If you’re unwilling to take responsibility for his funeral costs, and there is no-one else willing to do so, and your father has no estate to leave, I believe that there is the option of a ‘public health funeral’.

The Local Authority will arrange this. However the LA can then put a first charge (claim) on his estate including any sellable possessions, and will not release the deceased’s ashes to you but will have them scattered in an approved area eg garden of remembrance - so it’s not an easy option by any means for families to choose.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/public-health-funerals-good-practice-guidance/public-health-funerals-good-practice-guidance

Is his mother receiving benefits? Can she apply for help paying for the funeral costs

A basic cremation costs about 3k . Please don’t make him have a council funeral, I’m sure there is something you and his mum can work out.

Like what? If they don’t have it they don’t. 3k is a hell of a lot of money for some.

Never go into debt to do it though.

It's one of the cruelest jobs funeral director staff do.
Upselling to the grieving.

I'm sorry for your father's condition OP.

If families are unable to afford a funeral up front, or the deceased does not have an estate that can finance it, the many funeral directors can offer financing through fully regulated companies. One example is Funeral Safe. Also consider whether you want a full funeral, with people attending a service, or whether an unattended funeral would be acceptable ( deceased is taken straight to crematorium, you do not attend, but receive their ashes back). These obviously cost a lot less than the attended type.

If his prognosis comes back that he could potentially survive a few years or more, then consider going to a funeral director soon and getting a funeral plan in place for him. They often have to be paid within 24 months on a payment schedule, but you'll save several hundred pounds over an "at the time of need" funeral.

Disclosure: I used to be a funeral arranger.

Id 100% get an interest free credit card to do this for anyone in my family!

Unattended cremation is the cheapest if that's a possibility, about £1500 now, then maybe something around one of your houses.

If his mum receives pension credit she could claim the DWP funeral grant.
I have a friend who put both her in laws funerals on credit card and paid off gradually. Or consider direct cremation to keep costs down.
Are you sure your dad doesn't have any kind of pre-paid funeral plan ? many people do.

Pauper’s funeral. Just don’t claim him. In most cases if you’re on social media / electoral roll / your dad’s next of kin the council will find you and ask you to attend & offer you input into the funeral. But they won’t charge you for it.

I’m his only child (he separated from my mother 30 years ago)

Are your parents genuinely only separated, or are they actually divorced?

Have a direct cremation and do your own remembrance/ funeral tea at home.

Honestly, I would wait til you hear more about his prognosis before worrying about this. His actual funeral could be years away.

My father passed away recently. Thankfully he had put aside money for the funeral and everything else so i am not in your shoes.

However, regardless of the relationship i had with him there is no way on earth i would pay a single penny of my own money for the funeral. It just doesnt sit right with me to have next generation paying for the funeral. My partner, absolutely i would pay. My parents, nope.

The person organising pays for it. It's about 3 grand for a basic funeral (cardboard coffin, no funeral cars meet him there etc) or around 14-1500 for a direct cremation if you go through the funeral home and not one of those pure cremation bollocks.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to though. There's no law that says you need to sort it all out.

See how his treatment goes and find out the score before worrying.

If I wasn’t on maternity leave I would absolutely try and get the money together, it’s not unwillingness it’s just circumstantial.

Thank you, I did read into the potential of the LA assisting, but in my circumstances (relative involved but doesn’t have the funds) it circles you back to the government helping only if you are on benefits. The charity options are limited & would not “cover” a funeral.

Just gets the state pension, not sure if this is a “benefit” but I will look into it. Thanks.

Just for the record, when I did this job I only once had to share details of financing to a client. It was there as a fall-back in case a family was absolutely desperate and wanted options. I always helped them look for other solutions first, at a very difficult time. Please don't try to make it seem all FDs and Arrangers are vultures. There was no benefit to us to have clients use the financing firm, which was completely independent, and they offered no bonuses or kick backs.

Truly if I weren’t on maternity leave I would be able to contribute, but I’m sure you know how little maternity pay is. And my Grandma receives a state pension.

State pension alone would not qualify someone for the DWP funeral grant.

Are you expecting him to receive a terminal diagnosis? A cancer diagnosis itself is not generally a death sentence.

Yes I did google funeral plans post death, but again I’m on maternity pay (which is abysmal) I don’t have the budget for extra outgoings. The post funeral payment plans are higher than the pre-paid funeral plans.

I wasn’t at his initial appointment so I don’t know the full situation, he was sent to the hospital via his GP on some kind of 2 week wait pathway (Gp had high suspicion of cancer) he had a CT & was told he had mets (I think that’s the correct term) to his liver with pancreas as the likely primary, which has a poor prognosis.

As I wrote in the original post we have a complex relationship & he wouldn’t usually ever discuss his health with me (he’s had operations in the past & only told me afterwards) so I know it’s serious for him to involve me.

Hopefully it’s not terminal, but with my financial situation as it is, this issue has been on my mind.

Might be worth looking into whether she is entitled to pension credit, I think this should pen the gates for claiming help with the funeral. Can you speak to someone at citizens advice?

I'm sorry to read this it does sound very serious.
If it does turn out that he has a short prognosis and he is not already on the highest rates of PIP then do ask his health professional for an SR1 form to enable the highest rates ( at least of the daily living component) to be paid quickly. Sorry I know it's not your original query but could mean some extra money coming in each week for him.

It’ll be me who will have to organise it. My Grandma is 93 & only has her state pension.

I keep telling myself to just wait until Thursday, my DH is also telling me “we’ll figure out” which I think means he’ll ask my in laws to lend us the money, but I just don’t want this to happen, as I know if that happens I’ll feel so uncomfortable, embarrassed, stressed about paying them back… I’m just so upset by his lack of financial planning. I’ve lent him money in the past & he’s never paid me back.